Baby bonding properly with me , many older siblings

amother

Cappuccino

Sat, Nov 09 2024, 9:35 pm

Therapist here.

In normal circumstances, there's no such thing as too many attachment figures. Only too few. More love and attention will be a big benefit to your baby in his life. (The exception would be an institution where caregivers change and there's no one long-term caregiver. That's not your story. Having multiple family members constantly responding to your babies cues and providing love and attention is only to his benefit.)

But for you and your family's sake, you probably want to set some boundaries. Like no knocking on my door for the baby. Or whatever would make sense for your family.

amother

↑ OP

Sat, Nov 09 2024, 11:40 pm

Thank you everyone. I feel much better now.
Yes, I'm talking about the baby's siblings in case it wasn't clear.

Those who picked up that the issue is probably boundaries are very on the ball Smile

But I am hoping for a warm and loving relationship to continue to grow bez"h and so I don't want to focus on that, as long as it's not to the detriment of the new addition.

For one reason or another, there's been someone (or more than one) around since the yomtov season started. But in general I can hope for quiet mornings at least for a drop longer until I go back to work.

a2z

Sun, Nov 10 2024, 12:07 am

amother OP wrote:

First time mom here dealing with this

Had a baby recently, BH.
There's many older siblings , teens and preteens and all ages.
And everyone wants to hold the baby , for hours and hours on end. They're all so loving and caring and kind of possesive.

I get the baby for nursing and even then there's knocks on the bedroom door - are you done yet, can I have the baby now?
(and the middle of the night wakeups, as long as the crying doesn't wake anyone else - literally get kncks on my bedroom door 2 am- can I try to calm the baby down?)

Will the baby bond properly with me if he gets so little time with me? will he have a solid attachment figure in his life if he's getting passed around this way?
(I joke sometimes that we should sing "pass the ball around and round")

Bolded discombobulated our answers

essie14

Sun, Nov 10 2024, 1:00 am

Hi OP,
I am also a stepmom who had my first baby with older teens around and the kids were beyond excited about the baby.
Yes, you need boundaries! When I was nursing, in my bedroom, no one was allowed to knock. That was my time. No one should be knocking on your door for any reason after 9 PM. Ever. baby or not. You and DH need your privacy. 2 AM? Absolutely not.
As for the rest of the day, it is so wonderful for your baby to have so many loving figures in his/her life. My DD is now 7 and definitely the most attached to me, but she has a wonderful relationship with each of her siblings.
Let them each develop their own relationship with the baby. It's really important.

Happy to chat more on PM if you want.

↑ imasinger

Sun, Nov 10 2024, 4:20 am

amother OP wrote:

Thank you everyone. I feel much better now.
Yes, I'm talking about the baby's siblings in case it wasn't clear.

Those who picked up that the issue is probably boundaries are very on the ball Smile

Re the bolded. Reasonable house rules and consequences will enhance and grow warm and loving relationships with stepchildren in the long term. It's fine to be extra loving and giving wherever you can. But your post here indicates that you were starting to feel a bit frustrated at putting them before yourself all the time.

I say this as a stepmom who has BTDT. If you haven't done so, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist at least a few times, to figure out how to set and keep boundaries, and still be loving.

amother

Lemonlime

Sun, Nov 10 2024, 4:31 am

Hi op I was in similar situation with being a stepmom and first time mom. I cant tell you how important boundaries are. The quicker you implement the easier and smoother everything is. My stepchildren absolutely adore mine and bh it really helped our family. But you really need boundaries. You cant be afraid of them.