Trouble bathing | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 2:53 pm

My kid probably has adhd but the diagnosis was inconclusive. Anyway they are 10 and bathing is impossible. They hate showers so take a bath. If I don’t call out do this now do that now they sit in there for 3 hours until they feel faint and come out unwashed. So I spend half my day calling out put shampoo in now, did you do it yet? I told you 3 times. Anyway despite all this so often they come out and their hair is barely washed and they don’t smell good. I almost give up. I work so hard as it is, I modeled it hundreds of times, I did hand over hand, I did calling out details… it’s just not getting better. They already have difficulty with peers so I cannot just look away and let them be smelly and unclean. I only have them bathe 3 times a week because none of us can handle more often. Anyone have a method I’m missing?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 3:01 pm

No one would go near them if they only showered once a week. They don’t make it through a 3 day Yom tov without looking dirty and smelling. Their eating habits are not great which makes it worse.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 3:10 pm

None of those things work. Tried all it’s a no go. They have a focus issue, have gotten help for years for it, it’s not been fixed. At this point I backed off with the help since it was causing other issues and not helping the focus. Cause is likely adhd. Need methods that specifically work with such a kid.

amother

Gardenia

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 3:16 pm

With my son who hates bathing I bathed him until about 6 months ago. He was 7. He gets aba so I discussed the shower in detail with the bcba who gave me lots of advice. Now he does it himself. Once a week. If he is sweaty we do additional showering. He gets very intense about things so I don't discuss showering with him much. My 13 year old takes 30 minute showers twice a week and would take longer if we let. She loves water on her body. I find with children with adhd the trick is to only discuss sensitive subjects when all of their needs are met and in a calm way. Does the child see a therapist?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 3:20 pm

They don’t fight going in as much anymore. It’s the lack of a washing and sitting for hours that is the issue. I just dropped the therapist based on request. I didn’t see that they were very helpful, and they didn’t gain much. Maybe I’ll try someone better but for now this is where we are at. I asked about the bathing many times they had nothing helpful to say. So the only solution is let them be dirty and smelly? There is no way for them to acquire the skills to bathe?

amother

Dandelion

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 3:26 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

If your 13 year old loves water, why is she only showering twice a week?

amother

Blush

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 3:30 pm

What about putting on a story while they bathe sometimes my son just does a relaxing body bath... and sometimes he needs reminding. But it's more of a relaxing time and eventually gets cleaned

Kumphort

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 3:41 pm

There are plenty water proof timers on Amazon. Can you let them set a timer for washing and then they can play.

Do you have an extra device that you can record “time to wash your hair”. Time to rinse off and set it to go off at intervals.

What about a small prize for getting washed by them self?

amother

Mintgreen

Sat, Nov 09 2024, 2:47 pm

How about a picture chart? Print out colorful pictures of cartoony body parts for each step, and a pic of a kid soaping and rinsing hair etc. (Not sure what to do about private parts, maybe just write words and skip the pic.) Stick them to papers with big colorful numbers and labels.
I second the idea of a recording that says the steps at intervals. That can be combined with picture chart! In the recording say, "now for step one..." (and name the same number step as in the picture chart). You can make the recording fun and silly for extra engagement.

amother

Ecru

Sat, Nov 09 2024, 3:47 pm

I have a 10 yo dd who is very similar. The only thing extremely helpful I have found was to have her call me in to help her wash. If that doesnt happen soon enough, ill remind her. She also has zero self consciousness which helps. (She isnt developed yet at all.)

It may seem like a bandaid but it makes the whole process much less stressful for her which lead to her being much more successful down the line. Also even if she doesnt use soap, even just water is so much better. You can try a bubblebath as well and then soap will get on her...

My dd has adhd. Can you get your dd evaluated? A short lasting stimulant might do wonders. Or a long one if shes having social issues.

TwinsMommy

Sat, Nov 09 2024, 6:57 pm

my twins both have adhd AND autism and for each of them we supervised and named every step for a long time. When they started doing every step without our physical help OR our verbal reminders, THAT and ONLY THAT is when we left the bathroom. And after a certain age, I supervised the girl and my husband supervised the boy. Probably about 5 or 6. They're almost 18 now so it's hard to remember.

Sounds like verbal reminders from another room aren't enough--- you may need to go back in there and WATCH. I know it's hard when they're past a certain age. When they seem to be getting the hang of doing it with you in there, stop talking and just point to a chart (laminated so it can get wet). When they are doing it well with you quiet and just the chart, leave the chart in there and then leave the room for a few baths and smell them after.

My son is almost 18 and showered ONCE in his life. He prefers baths too. That's FINE with us as long as he does every step and washes all body parts..... including hair.... WITH SOAP..... and rinses well. As far as taking a long time, that would be fine too as long as nobody else needs the bathroom. He takes 6 or 7 minutes though but I'd be fine with longer.