Bar mitzvah during the 9 days?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 11:14 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

I would push it off till after tisha bav. He can get an Aliyah on shabbos and have a kiddush but making a party with music should be after tisha bav

Thinking about this but wondering if there’s something about making a Seuda on the Bo bayom?

Ruchi

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 11:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thinking about this but wondering if there’s something about making a Seuda on the Bo bayom?

Yes, a seudah is made on the day for 10 men when you postpone for a later date.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 11:42 pm

Ruchi wrote:

Yes, a seudah is made on the day for 10 men when you postpone for a later date.

Oh… so I have to do 2 things? That’s hard. Plus a kiddush on shabbos… this is beginning to sound complicated.

amother

DarkGray ↓

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 12:08 am

I did this. We made small bbq with siyum in 9 days. We also did a kiddush and then did the party end of August so his friends would be back from camp
Alternatively, you can just wait to do kiddush and party together at end of summer.
Mazal tov!! Lots of nachas!!

amother

Blue

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 1:07 am

We are planning a 9 days bar mitzvah. We thought about postponing but after 9 av most people leave on vacation / camp and we don't want to do it a whole month later...
So we are planning on doing a seudah + siyum on the bo bayom with his class and our family and friends (no music, but otherwise still a nice event), and a small kiddush (which actually comes out on erev 9 av this coming year).
We still have to discuss all of the details with our rav to see what we can and what we can't do. But I think it'll be more meaningful for us this way.

I would love to hear from others who made a bar mitzvah during the nine days!

amother

Green

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 2:28 am

amother OP wrote:

Oh… so I have to do 2 things? That’s hard. Plus a kiddush on shabbos… this is beginning to sound complicated.

We had a tiny bo bayom, a few of his friends, a few of my older sons friends. We had schwarma in pitas, a little singing. Our Rav said no dancing. Shabbos was a Kiddush and a few guests for lunch. Then we has a small function after Tisha B'Av with music, my son made a Siyum at the function so it should be a, Seudas Mitzvah

amother

Ballota

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 4:30 am

My sibling did it. They don’t have the class at the bar mitzvah and there were very few cousins the bar mitzvah boys age (parents are both the oldest) so dancing would have been low key. It was very nice seemed like they were happy with their decision.

amother

Bluebell ↓

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 5:44 am

We were told that we should make something small like bagels for 10 men on the bo bayom.
But also, we were told that the only people allowed to wear Shabbos clothing were the bar mitzvah boy and his father. Everyone else had to wear weekday clothing.
No hair done, no makeup, no nails
No music. But also we were told no dancing even just singing.

Not everyone is as machmir.
But yeah. Aylor

amother

↑ DarkGray

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 5:47 am

amother Blue wrote:

IYH moshiach will be here and it'll be a yom simcha!!

amother

Plum

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 6:01 am

Chassidish here. Our minhagim are so different. Most of our family comes from the country/tries to be around for the bar mitzvah. The boys father and boy makes a siyum and the seuda is a regular fleishing seuda. Their are chassidish acapella choirs that get hired. Those are very good but usually cost more. Usually the friends are not around. Depending on the family but many still dance or just the boy will dance with his father and everyone will stand around singing and clapping.

amother

Maize

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 6:06 am

amother Plum wrote:

Acapella choirs in the 9 days? Or the three weeks? My friend chassidish made bar mitzvah this past year in the 9 days. Wasn't able to have a choir. Did have a regular fleishig seuda. The only ones wearing shabbos clothing were the bar mitzvah boy and the father. The mother and girls were wearing nicer weekday/ casual shabbos. Not what they would normally wear to bsr mitzvah.

amother

↑ Diamond ↓

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 6:11 am

amother Plum wrote:

I think you're mixing up with the 3 weeks.
I doubt that mainstream chassidish dayanim would pasken that dancing is allowed during the 9 days.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 6:21 am

amother Bluebell wrote:

Who paskens this?
Obviously no music but honestly I wear makeup everyday- even in the 9 days. (Of course I don’t apply on 9 B’Av)
I’ve seen clips of bar mitzvahs that took place during the 9 days with kumzits style singing- not dancing…

I guess we’ll have to ask a rav.
Not sure if our son will even appreciate dancing with music at his bar mitzvah because he’s very shy.
The rest of my kids will be devastated if we don’t do something extra nice since he’s the youngest boy in our family of mostly girls. Meaning my girls were really looking forward to having nice dresses, wearing a little makeup which they don’t normally do.

This is becoming complicated while trying to do the right thing and pleasing everyone- specifically the bar mitzvah boy.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 6:22 am

amother Diamond wrote:

My parents made 3 Bar Mitzvah's in the 9 days. There were told that they can do a regular meal in a hall but no pictures & obviously no music.

Why no pictures?
We use our camera in the 9 days…