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Forum
-> Parenting our children
mizle10
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 Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:33 am
OOC, how often are you all in the car together?
I bh have 6 kids in a 8 seater van, we rarely all go out together.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:42 am
They kvetch and we ignore. I assigned seats and it's final. If they wants to discuss a change between themselves, they can- only the bigger ones. Not gonna be moving car seats.
Same with shabbos table seats. There's enough other things to kvetch about. Not looking or it when it can be avoided.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:43 am
| mizle10 wrote: | OOC, how often are you all in the car together?
I bh have 6 kids in a 8 seater van, we rarely all go out together. |
It's not often for us but even once a week I don't want kvetching. Motzei shabbos, sundays, chol hamoed, Friday if going away for shabbos...
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sweet
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:59 am
| mizle10 wrote: | OOC, how often are you all in the car together?
I bh have 6 kids in a 8 seater van, we rarely all go out together. |
We do family trips chol hamoed, travel for shobbasim away, chanukah parties, simchas..
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amother
Hosta
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 10:26 am
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I would do a weekly rotation. Write it up and hang it on your fridge. This way, everybody gets a turn in each seat.
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Rabbit613
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 10:36 am
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In our car the older kids not in cars eats have a rotation. I just need to always remember who sat where last time. We drive together alot.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 10:39 am
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I'm against assigning seats and never switching it up. Forget unfair that's just mean. Remembering from childhood, the worst seats are in between carseats, it's much less space. The back seats and middle are less comfortable. Don't force the same poor kid to always be next to a car seat or always in the middle or back. It might not seem a big deal to an adult but I remember being a kid and it feels like a big deal. I can imagine how I would've felt if my parents assigned seats and never switched it and I got the worst seat. If you switch it up that's much better.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 11:08 am
| amother Amethyst wrote: | | I'm against assigning seats and never switching it up. Forget unfair that's just mean. Remembering from childhood, the worst seats are in between carseats, it's much less space. The back seats and middle are less comfortable. Don't force the same poor kid to always be next to a car seat or always in the middle or back. It might not seem a big deal to an adult but I remember being a kid and it feels like a big deal. I can imagine how I would've felt if my parents assigned seats and never switched it and I got the worst seat. If you switch it up that's much better. |
It’s not mean. Not everything in life is about fun and games or about you- meaning the kid. I think that’s what creates narcissism in adults, always making it all happy and fun and fair. There is so much time for comfort, fun and games and the car isn’t it. That’s just a mode of transportation and it’s most important that it work out well for the parents who need to be safe drivers and not have to exert an insane amount of energy. It’s ok for a kid to care about someone other than themselves for a change, and it will lead to not being selfish and narcissistic.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 11:21 am
| amother Amethyst wrote: | | I'm against assigning seats and never switching it up. Forget unfair that's just mean. Remembering from childhood, the worst seats are in between carseats, it's much less space. The back seats and middle are less comfortable. Don't force the same poor kid to always be next to a car seat or always in the middle or back. It might not seem a big deal to an adult but I remember being a kid and it feels like a big deal. I can imagine how I would've felt if my parents assigned seats and never switched it and I got the worst seat. If you switch it up that's much better. |
Frum families should only purchase slim car seats for this reason. Sitting btw two diono's or clek is fine even for an adult. But btw two maxi cosi Graco or many other car seats not specifically narrow is torture.
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amother
Daphne
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 11:31 am
We have similar ages, same amount of kids. I’m completely uninvolved. My kids made up a rotation among themselves, and they always remember whose turn it is to sit where 😜.
Already kid in the car always gets the front seat if only one adult is in the car. The back had a very specific rotation that I’m not even sure how it runs. BH, they figured it out.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 11:53 am
| amother Crocus wrote: | | It’s not mean. Not everything in life is about fun and games or about you- meaning the kid. I think that’s what creates narcissism in adults, always making it all happy and fun and fair. There is so much time for comfort, fun and games and the car isn’t it. That’s just a mode of transportation and it’s most important that it work out well for the parents who need to be safe drivers and not have to exert an insane amount of energy. It’s ok for a kid to care about someone other than themselves for a change, and it will lead to not being selfish and narcissistic. |
Of course no one should be exerting an insane amount of energy... Is it really so hard to rotate through seats once a month? You can even have the kids make the chart, a ten year old should be able to.
You don't think it's a big deal but to a kid this can matter a lot. I'm not selfish or narcissistic, I was the unheard middle child and being permanently assigned the worst seat would have been very hurtful to my sensitive 8-11 year old self.
Eta: I believe more often narcissism is caused by childhood trauma. The opposite of happy fun and fair. I doubt making a seat rotation will cause your kids to grow up narcissistic.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:32 pm
| amother Amethyst wrote: | Of course no one should be exerting an insane amount of energy... Is it really so hard to rotate through seats once a month? You can even have the kids make the chart, a ten year old should be able to.
You don't think it's a big deal but to a kid this can matter a lot. I'm not selfish or narcissistic, I was the unheard middle child and being permanently assigned the worst seat would have been very hurtful to my sensitive 8-11 year old self.
Eta: I believe more often narcissism is caused by childhood trauma. The opposite of happy fun and fair. I doubt making a seat rotation will cause your kids to grow up narcissistic. |
If it works to make a rotation then great. But sometimes it has to be a certain way due to various factors and that’s just life. It’s not about not being heard sometimes there are no choices. Having an assigned seat is ok. You weren’t listened to ever that was the issue, if you were listened to most of the time and had an assigned seat you would be fine. A healthy parent child relationship dynamic can handle an assigned permanent seat in a car.
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amother
Ivory
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:33 pm
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We rotate. The front seat is the hot spot and they take turns who sits in it. It usually is okay. They're quite good at remembering whose turn it is.
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mizle10
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:57 pm
| sweet wrote: | | We do family trips chol hamoed, travel for shobbasim away, chanukah parties, simchas.. |
Same, it’s not very often. Every couple of weeks maybe.
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amother
Garnet
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 2:21 pm
This reminds me of when I was a kid - back in days when front seats of cars had three seats, so a kid could be upfront. Everyone wanted to be upfront, so my dad just put us on a rotating schedule - each time we got in the car, the next person in line got the front seat. There was no fighting - we all got a turn on a regular basis, so it worked for us.
Could this work for you, with modifications to allow for car seats and such?
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amother
Coffee
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 2:42 pm
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Two car seats in middle row. One middle seat there gets a rotation from older kids. Back row everyone else. Oldest kid in front seat if applicable.
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