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Forum
-> Parenting our children
bzmommy
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 Mon, Nov 04 2024, 11:33 pm
We have a minivan for our family of 8.
6 kids ages : 12, 11, 9, 6, 3 and baby.
Kids always argue about who gets to sit in the middle row - they don’t Like sitting in the back .
It’s stressful going out with all of em when they fight over who gets to sit where .
Anyone have a tried and true method for this kind of issue ?
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amother
Wisteria
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Mon, Nov 04 2024, 11:36 pm
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We had assigned seats growing up.
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amother
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Mon, Nov 04 2024, 11:37 pm
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We have assigned seats. If they fight it too much tell them you’ll switch it up monthly. This is for November and in December you’ll assign new seats.
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amother
Ecru
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Mon, Nov 04 2024, 11:43 pm
I feel you. We always have this 
I don’t do this but I heard from rebitzen spetners parenting course to make assigned seats like it’s just a rule. I won’t do it but maybe that’s an idea
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:18 am
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Tatty assigns seats here and only he can make the change. If they don't like it they shouldn't join us. Some people will grump and threaten not to join but most usually do join...
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amother
Clover
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:20 am
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If you assign seats you have to make sure to switch it up every so often. I guess depends on how often you all use the car together. I would say after a certain amount of times as opposed to a set amount on the calendar. Some months youll use the car more than others and it has to be sort of fair to them.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:27 am
| amother Clover wrote: | | If you assign seats you have to make sure to switch it up every so often. I guess depends on how often you all use the car together. I would say after a certain amount of times as opposed to a set amount on the calendar. Some months youll use the car more than others and it has to be sort of fair to them. |
It doesn’t have to be fair. Parents can set wherever rules work for them. My oldest have to sit in the back, it’s easiest for them to get in and out and they don’t require any buckling help.
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amother
Azalea
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:27 am
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My kids have assigned seats in the car & at the shabbos table. We switch it around every so often.
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teachkids
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 4:59 am
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Assigned seats. Youngest 2 default middle row cuz of carseat buckling, and then whichever kid will be most helpful next to them.
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amother
Lightpink
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 7:07 am
| teachkids wrote: | | Assigned seats. Youngest 2 default middle row cuz of carseat buckling, and then whichever kid will be most helpful next to them. |
Yes we do the same.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 7:44 am
| amother Clover wrote: | | If you assign seats you have to make sure to switch it up every so often. I guess depends on how often you all use the car together. I would say after a certain amount of times as opposed to a set amount on the calendar. Some months youll use the car more than others and it has to be sort of fair to them. |
Parents can set rules in house.
(Or car) there doesn't have to be a set amount of time location or distance to make it all the same. Seats can even be changed on the way home or same seats can be mandated.
Fair dies not mean the same!
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 7:46 am
Btw sometimes dynamics may work better sticking a younger one in back.may mean we have to get back there to buckle them or older siblings need to learn responsibility to help buckle and unbundled younger sib
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bzmommy
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 7:47 am
Thank you for replies
Will share with my husband and try out the monthly switch
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amother
Nutmeg
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 8:14 am
Assigned seats have to take into account kids who get carsick in the back, kids who should not be sitting next to each other for long drives, and height- the two edges of the back seat are sometimes lower ceilings and the middle front can make it hard for the driver to see if someone tall is in it. We do still assign, usually different for each large trip and in general by week. There are some kids who just can't sit in back because they get sick, and there is resentment, but that's how it is.
For buckling the last row, I'm a fan of opening the tailgate and standing in the trunk and reaching over. It works pretty well, especially when helping with belting a kid sitting next to a carseat or booster. If you have an older kid back there who can help, also good.
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amother
Snapdragon
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 8:24 am
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From around age 7 kids are able to and responsible enough to buckle in a younger sibling
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 8:26 am
| amother Nutmeg wrote: | Assigned seats have to take into account kids who get carsick in the back, kids who should not be sitting next to each other for long drives, and height- the two edges of the back seat are sometimes lower ceilings and the middle front can make it hard for the driver to see if someone tall is in it. We do still assign, usually different for each large trip and in general by week. There are some kids who just can't sit in back because they get sick, and there is resentment, but that's how it is.
For buckling the last row, I'm a fan of opening the tailgate and standing in the trunk and reaching over. It works pretty well, especially when helping with belting a kid sitting next to a carseat or booster. If you have an older kid back there who can help, also good. |
It doesn’t really work for many to buckle that way, I can’t easily climb up into the trunk.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 8:27 am
| amother Nutmeg wrote: | | Assigned seats have to take into account kids who get carsick in the back. |
Oy lol. We made this mistake this chol hamoed. Put a pucker in back row. Took lots of screaming from wrong sibling placed next to poor child vomiting and middle row having to pass bags and other supplies back and forth.
Yes many many factors are taken into account when assigning seats
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amother
Mustard
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 8:59 am
| amother Nutmeg wrote: | Assigned seats have to take into account kids who get carsick in the back, kids who should not be sitting next to each other for long drives, and height- the two edges of the back seat are sometimes lower ceilings and the middle front can make it hard for the driver to see if someone tall is in it. We do still assign, usually different for each large trip and in general by week. There are some kids who just can't sit in back because they get sick, and there is resentment, but that's how it is.
For buckling the last row, I'm a fan of opening the tailgate and standing in the trunk and reaching over. It works pretty well, especially when helping with belting a kid sitting next to a carseat or booster. If you have an older kid back there who can help, also good. |
Yes, but why should mom have to stand in the trunk if only 2 car seats? Parents right to say: nope, easier for me to put baby in the middle row. And the extra middle row seat can go to whichever child can and will buckle the second car seat. (You can’t rely on always having a child there to buckle a car seat in the back because sometimes it’s just the little ones)
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amother
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:20 am
| amother Mustard wrote: | | Yes, but why should mom have to stand in the trunk if only 2 car seats? Parents right to say: nope, easier for me to put baby in the middle row. And the extra middle row seat can go to whichever child can and will buckle the second car seat. (You can’t rely on always having a child there to buckle a car seat in the back because sometimes it’s just the little ones) |
Y3s. But a forward facing. 2-4 yr old can be in back and is not a total neck breaker to buckle
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sweet
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Tue, Nov 05 2024, 9:27 am
I also have 6 kids in a minivan only my 1.5 yr old has permanent place.
Right behind my seat- drivers seat.
And my 4 yr old booster seat always gets moved around in the back a , and 8 yr old sits in the back.
The older 3 decide between themselves.
I say leave me out of it. They remember whose turn it is to sit in the front..
Bh it works.
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