I seriously don’t understand

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 7:16 am

Why I have to pick up more clients so we can pay our bills but I also have to be responsible for everything around the house and taking off for appts and sick days and shopping so my husband can work long hours in the hopes that he makes more. How are we supposed to make ends meet?? If I stop working we lose 3-4k a month. If I work more, my husband works significantly less and he has the higher salary so we don’t want to risk that. It seems like there’s literally no way to make more money. He’s been looking for a new job for a couple years. So logically you’d think the solution is for me to work more but I can’t because he can never take off.

amother

Obsidian

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 7:24 am

Can you take more cleaning help? Or babysitting help?

I also work a lot to cover our bills, but most of the household responsibilities I leave to my cleaning lady. She does almost everything besides for cooking. It works for us, and the additional work I do covers her pay.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 7:29 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

If I already can’t cover my expenses, paying for cleaning help isn’t going to help. I need every dollar I can get.

amother

Amber

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 7:34 am

I cut my hours.

I can't do everything. So I said, my main job is the family. Dh's main job is parnassa.

And we make the same amount as before. Same jobs as before. I started making less and he started making more. Parnassa is from Hashem. I need to be sane and cannot do everything.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 7:37 am

amother Amber wrote:

This is what I’m increasingly thinking is the solution. Our marriage is suffering from me trying to do it all and I feel like if I worked less we’d be happier.

amother

Silver

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 7:38 am

amother OP wrote:

If I already can’t cover my expenses, paying for cleaning help isn’t going to help. I need every dollar I can get.

Same position. I've been working all my life , took 6 weeks maternity leave with every birth and right back to it.

The only solution is daven to Hashem. There is no other way. Today is roch chodesh , good day to ask for everything you need.

amother

↑ Garnet

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 7:46 am

amother OP wrote:

Grocery delivery
Cleaning help
He needs a new job
Someone should work from home if possible

amother

Indigo ↓

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 8:32 am

You should not work more hours.
I was in the same position. I was falling apart. Was working full time and every single household responsibility fell on me. How much can one person do already?? Plus I was getting resentful of Dh and snapping at the kids, my shalom bayis was suffering.
So I told Hashem I can’t do it anymore I’m leaving it up to You. And I cut my hours by half. Cut my salary in half. It was scary but I had no choice. I just kept davening to Hashem to make it work out. BH BH dh got a significant raise! Now that I work part time I have time to cook, clean, go to appointments etc.
nothing is too big for Hashem to handle

amother

Green

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 8:36 am

amother Indigo wrote:

Did he ask for the raise?

I am BH expecting. Very nervous about finances as it’s possible that one income stream will be coming to an end just around my due date. I am trying so hard to be positive and trust that whatever happens is for the best and not make dh feel like a failure and also do reasonable hishtadlus.

amother

Ecru

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 8:42 am

you do what’s doable and not more and then u ask Hashem to help you and let go completely. for me that meant stopping to work. I don’t fully understand how we are making it but somehow we do. bitachon bitachon bitachon. when u rely on Hashem He takes care of you.

amother

↑ Indigo

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 8:49 am

amother Green wrote:

Yes he asked. He was due for a small raise anyway, by he decided to ask for a much larger amount hoping they would give him at least some of it and they agreed to the entire amount!! You just have to really believe Hashem can do anything and show Hashem that you really do believe

miriam6

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 1:34 pm

Hi I really feel for u! I was in same position till I changed my entire way of thinking through tons of self growth. Listened to alot of shuirum that the man is the one needing to be the giver and us women the receiver.

There's a lot out there on this topic that he's the one that has the burden of parnussah and we could help him out if we want !! It really changed my life !!!!!!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 1:45 pm

miriam6 wrote:

Would you be able to share some shiurim?

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 1:46 pm

amother Indigo wrote:

This is really encouraging to hear! Happy for you

amother

Babyblue

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 1:52 pm

Omg I ttly feel you. My husband just started a new job. After not earning for about 7 months. Im working myself to the bone right now. He doesnt have time to help much because hes trying to build up his business. Hopefully he will be sucessfull so I could cut some hours. But until then.. I have some cleaning help. But could hardly afford it. So I cant add any hours. Im trying to see if I cut her hours. Just keep telling myself its all in Hashems hands. Its the only way I could survive each day

amother

NeonBlue

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 2:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

If I already can’t cover my expenses, paying for cleaning help isn’t going to help. I need every dollar I can get.

Well, yes and no. It depends how much your extra work is worth.

I decided to add to my workload recently. In exchange I started using instacart for groceries. Instacart+ costs something like $80 for the year (7ish per month?) and I tip the deliverer about $10 per trip (50ish per month?) My added work brings in about $700-1000 per month so the time I save through instacart pays for itself very quickly. Same for having baby at sitter an extra hour a day. I also added a little self care expense because I know mentally it would be almost impossibly hard to push myself out the door early for the extra work if I don't have something that feels good rolled in. So once every week or two I buy lunch instead of packing from home and I consider it a work expense.

Yes these are things we don't actually have money for, but it allows a net gain of over $500 a month which is certainly a lot better than nothing, which is what we'd have if I didn't invest in the extra work time.

miami85

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 2:53 pm

We both work full-time. I have a bit more flexibility in my schedule so I tend to take care of more of the appointments, but my husband works from home so he does more of the cooking and cleaning. We are both salaried so "doing more" doesn't increase our bottom line, we are both making as much as we can given our current situations, with not much more opportunity to take on more. It is very frustrating.