Need decision this week nanny/ day care 2 years old???

amother

↑ Bisque

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 4:51 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

Idk I personally wouldn’t trust a nanny if I can’t see what they’re doing. there’s no camera in a car. How do you know how they’re interacting.treating your child form pick up until they get home? I atleast can see my kid in the camera at daycare. I see far too many nanny’s in my neighborhood on their phones crossing the street etc. how do I trust them to drive my kid home?? Everyone has to do what they think is best for them. We shouldn’t be judging.

I agree, which is why no baby should be in daycare OR with a nanny for 10+ hours a day. But between the two, a well qualified nanny with home cameras is by far the better option for the child’s long term development. Cameras in daycare don’t tell you as much as you think they do (trust me). And regardless, babies cortisol (stress) levels go up so high from the daycare environment, which seriously impacts them for life.

mushkamothers ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 4:53 pm

the world's best mom wrote:

You don't seem to be very familiar with real attachment parenting. Because working full time and letting kids cry themselves to sleep are not it, even if you are loving the rest of the time.

Regarding the bolded, it makes no difference in your attachment parenting if you have a babysitter who follows your philosophy. The point is building a strong attachment between baby and parents, not between baby and babysitter. Because if you don't hug and hold your children a lot when they are babies, you won't start when they are older. Kids naturally grow up and become more independent. So babies who spend most of their time in Mommy's arms are more likely to become teens who come to cuddle every so often, or who rely on Mom for support when needed.

Theres some confusion here between attachment parenting and actual attachment theory.

Attachment parenting is made up by a man. It includes bedsharing, babywearing, breastfeeding etc. It's all nice and objectively valuable but is not the same as creating secure attachment.

Attachment theory is a vast and legitimate field of research since the 1950s.

According to attachment theory (the science) the nanny is an attachment figure and should stick around. The daycare providers may also become attachment figures assuming they don't rotate and remain constant.

There is nothing in the literature on attachment theory to prove your last point re physical touch. That's obviously important but it's just totally unrelated to a scientific secure attachment.

amother

Lily

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 5:19 pm

Please don't leave him home with a nanny all day. You have no idea what she does or doesn't do. Way too many horror stories. A professional daycare is a much better option. My 2 year old grandson is at daycare most of the day. He loves it, loves his teacher his friends, and has developed so many skills since starting, his speech, his comprehension. He's in a safe stimulating environment.

amother

↑ Celeste ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 5:21 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

My babies were held a lot when babies and now as teens and preteens they come to snuggle and for support. So anecdotally what she is saying is true for me and my kids.

amother

↑ Celeste ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 5:23 pm

amother Lily wrote:

You must nanny cam if they are home and spot check and if your baby is in a daycare you must spot check. Observe daycares for a day and you’ll see very fast why your baby and toddler shouldn’t be there for too many hours.

amother

↑ Daylily

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 5:39 pm

amother Celeste wrote:

You can have a camera at home, but what about when they go on walks, meet up with other nanny’s. They’re not home every second.. you can’t possibly know what’s going on all the time.

↑ mushkamothers ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 5:45 pm

amother Celeste wrote:

My babies were held a lot when babies and now as teens and preteens they come to snuggle and for support. So anecdotally what she is saying is true for me and my kids.

Attachment is about emotional support, not physical touch.

You can have secure attachment without snuggling or getting hugs.

amother

↑ Celeste ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 5:48 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

Attachment is about emotional support, not physical touch.

You can have secure attachment without snuggling or getting hugs.

I always agree with you mushka but that doesn’t sound right. Attachment is more than just emotional support in toddler and infancy.
Physical touch plays a large role in attachment in those early stages.

amother

Dimgray

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 6:59 pm

I'm a mother of three, studied childhood development and worked in daycares where parents had high demanding jobs for early intervention. A few thoughts

1. Please, do not send your 2 year old from 8 to 6. First of all, he's going to be sick constantly and second of all that is way too long of a day for him. I used to discuss it with the daycare workers all the time and they would gripe about how miserable the kids were who stayed past 3 and how bad they felt for them.

2. I also am generally not a big fan of nannies, however I saw the families that had a really dedicated nanny and some type of hybrid system or nanny but a packed schedule, had much healthier and well adjusted children.

3. I say this respectfully, but is there any way to cut back on hours? Even just a bit? Sounds like this is your first kid. Kids need their mommies. They just do. Less than 20 hours a week is just not enough. If you can think about it, even one more hour per day it Will make such a difference in your child's life.

Hatzlacha Raba

amother

↑ Seagreen

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 7:14 pm

amother Maize wrote:

Plenty of mothers work full time and their kids turn out great. This site is very against full time working mothers though.

I don't think that there are plenty mothers on this site that both themselves & their husbands work 8-6. That is over full time.
If both parents work all day long, then the child is never really with their parents, and that's just sad & it definitely leaves a negative impact. Same goes for a little kid being out of their home environment for all of their waking hours.
No one is telling OP to give up her job. Just that for a child to be in daycare for all of it's waking hours, is really not good for the child.

amother

↑ Maize

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 7:16 pm

amother Seagreen wrote:

I don't think that there are plenty mothers on this site that both themselves & their husbands work 8-6. That is over full time. No one is telling OP to give up her job. Just that for a child to be in daycare for all of it's waking hours, is really not good for the child.

I agree with you, most women on this site don’t work full time at high powered jobs, that’s not the usual vibe here. But I do have friends who do who did day care and nannies and their kids are doing great.

↑ mushkamothers

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 7:23 pm

amother Celeste wrote:

Yes- I should amend. Attachment in the first year is formed physically and continues in the first few years. But the way the poster wrote that her big kids come for hugs so they're coming for emotional support- like that's just getting conflated.
A previous poster wrote about her authoritative style with her kids who are in their 20s and that was a better description of attachment than the back and forth here about "attachment parenting and letting kids cry".

amother

↑ Celeste

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 7:25 pm

amother Maize wrote:

Plenty of mothers work full time and their kids turn out great. This site is very against full time working mothers though.

That’s just sad all around for a mother and father to work that full time. Who is raising the kids? Usually one parent has a more flexible job. These kids will be scarred.

amother

Snowflake

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 6:58 am

amother Dimgray wrote:

I think you’re the only one who said it in a respectful way and actually answered her question.