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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Am I too nice?



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amother
OP  


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 8:05 pm
Or lack self respect. So my friend is in a bad situation after sudden death in the family. We both get tomchei Shabbos. I told her this month that I don’t need almost anything because an excuse I made and ordered stuff for her because she needed extra. So I just got stuff for her. I also need but I figured she needed more.
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amother
Amaryllis


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 8:08 pm
You're nice, but don't give away food that food your family need. I'm sure there are many ways u can help her without depriving you and your family.
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amother
Raspberry  


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 8:12 pm
I don’t think you should be taking from food you desperately need. Find other ways to be there for her.
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amother
  OP  


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 8:24 pm
I’m going to buy the food from the store and pay for it
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amother
Brass  


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:02 pm
Why does she need double the food?
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amother
Butterscotch


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:08 pm
Can you afford to buy food?
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amother
  OP  


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:20 pm
Idk why she needs extra stuff. I buy food but it’s on credit cards. I think I will stop it gradually. I’m too nice that’s it is kind of crazy. Idk if it’s nice or just stupid
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amother
IndianRed


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:21 pm
perhaps you are people pleasing.
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amother
  OP  


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:21 pm
amother IndianRed wrote:
perhaps you are people pleasing.

Probably
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amother
  Raspberry


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:22 pm
Why are you buying food you can’t afford? It’s a terrible idea it’s not nice. I don’t think she needs more food. Maybe you can spend time with her, babysit, help her with her errands ( not pay for them just pick up things she needs ) help her take care of the house etc..
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amother
  Brass  


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:22 pm
amother OP wrote:
Idk why she needs extra stuff. I buy food but it’s on credit cards. I think I will stop it gradually. I’m too nice that’s it is kind of crazy. Idk if it’s nice or just stupid

I don't understand. You're giving away your food to her and buying on credit cards for your family, and you don't have a reason to think she needs this food??
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amother
  OP  


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:23 pm
I’m just doing it this month. I decided.
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amother
  Brass  


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:24 pm
amother OP wrote:
I’m just doing it this month. I decided.

Did anyone tell you she needs more food?
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amother
  OP


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:26 pm
amother Brass wrote:
Did anyone tell you she needs more food?

Yes. It’s not a big deal she needed help this month. Because she moved.
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amother
  Brass  


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:27 pm
Can you help in other ways and leave the food to someone else?
Anyone can bring food but your support as a friend would surely be appreciated on a much deeper level
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amother
  Brass


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:28 pm
Maybe other people in the community can join, like a meal train or something?
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2024, 10:28 pm
You can be there as an emotional
Supportive friend. Sending her the food you really need yourself is too giving. You can make a homemade cake which costs $4 ingredients and send it with a nice note
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