Need decision this week nanny/ day care 2 years old???

sara_s

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 4:35 pm

As a working mom who works long hours at age 2 I'd prefer a nanny if I can afford it. In Israel long day care is till 4 and when we sometimes did find an option of till 5 it just felt like too late in terms of supper time and winding down and bath and bed time. Also like some commenter said kids get may get sick a lot at the beginning and you need a good backup option for that and for other vacation days. The ideal would be a shorter day at play group and then an afternoon nanny but that's difficult to find because most women (at least in Israel) seem to prefer morning or full time jobs, and not afternoon only.

amother

↑ Seagreen ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 4:37 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

If the child knows the daycare well also (like there since a baby) I think it’s fine.

Why is it not feasible? A nanny or sitter picking up the child from daycare, is such a common arrangement. A child spending all of their waking hours in daycare, is detrimental for the child & should be avoided unless really impossible.
Both parents having high powered jobs for which they need to be out of the home for all of their kids waking hours, is really not compatible with raising a family. So the least parents should try to do, is have the child on a fairly regular schedule & for the child to be in their regular home environment for the afternoon and evening.

Chana Miriam S

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 4:47 pm

amother Seagreen wrote:

That's a very long day in daycare for a 2 year old. Best would be daycare regular hours & going home to the nanny.
(BTW, attachment parenting is a contradiction to a child being away from their mother for most/all of their waking hours, when exactly are you attachment parenting?)

I think this comment was pretty harsh.

Let me begin by saying that my 28 and 25 year olds were brought up via what I would call attachment parenting. This does not mean that I never left them. This means that I did my best to love them and meet their needs while at the same time teaching them about discipline as being the framework in which we live. We did not have the privilege to gave a fully at home parent , although I took those options wherever they were available to me.

My husband often worked insane hours but I would consider him an attachment parent also. Attached parents don’t have Velcro children, they raise them to be strong and independent via modelling . This can also extend to caregivers but of course even the most attachment oriented parents often send kids to school or day care if needed.

Attachment parenting is a philosophy and the assumption that if you meet a child’s need it will no longer be a need, it will be a need met. OP mentioned not believing in letting a baby cry it out. For some that’s an attachment parenting idea and for me, when we were so desperate for sleep that we were hallucinating, choices were made that included some crying because we were going to kill ourselves or each other from one child’s insane needs. Attachment/authoritative doesn’t generally involve hitting or pitching but teaching good behaviour for the sake of good behaviour. All I had to say to my kids to get them on board most of the time was ‘what’s my job?’ To which the answer was ‘to help us grow up right.’ Theyd typically acquiesce after that because we had a loving and trusting relationship. They understood what we expected and they wanted to comply, rather than being afraid of our reaction if they didn’t comply.

You might also consider this authoritative parenting ( as opposed to authoritarian parenting which is much more harsh.)

Anyways. Admittedly it’s hard to control your parenting approach if you’re away from your kids a lot but on the other hand, you can also utilize care providers who align with your philosophy.

amother

Bisque ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 5:00 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

I actually feel it’s better for a toddler than an older kid… a toddler or baby won’t remember this. It’s fine for the time being. Once I need to send my toddler to yeshiva and not day care with way less hours I’ll figure it out.

Your comment shows a deep lack of understanding about child development. It’s not about consciously “remembering”. The baby and toddler years are when the neural connections are literally being formed. A daycare environment (even a high quality one) at that age is proven to have long term detrimental effects on stress levels, behavior, and attachment. And the longer the hours, the more harmful the long term effects.

the world's best mom

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 6:09 pm

Chana Miriam S wrote:

You don't seem to be very familiar with real attachment parenting. Because working full time and letting kids cry themselves to sleep are not it, even if you are loving the rest of the time.

Regarding the bolded, it makes no difference in your attachment parenting if you have a babysitter who follows your philosophy. The point is building a strong attachment between baby and parents, not between baby and babysitter. Because if you don't hug and hold your children a lot when they are babies, you won't start when they are older. Kids naturally grow up and become more independent. So babies who spend most of their time in Mommy's arms are more likely to become teens who come to cuddle every so often, or who rely on Mom for support when needed.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 6:16 pm

Honestly, I would probably see if I can do a combination.
Daycare from 8-3. (Let's say) With the nanny from 3-6. Best is a nanny who's willing to do light housework earlier and possibly be on call for sick days.

My logic is that the social interaction and structure becomes very important as the year goes on from 2 leading to 3. But 10 hours is a lot of time for a child to "keep it together" and rein it in.

Having the child be able to go home to unwind to his own house with his own toys and comforts would be very helpful for him.

amother

↑ Bisque ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 6:17 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

Yes, this is the best option.

If you and your husband are both working full time and you’re still not able to afford quality care like this, then one of you needs to cut back.

amother

↑ Daylily ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 7:20 pm

[quote="amother Bisque"]Your comment shows a deep lack of understanding about child development. It’s not about consciously “remembering”. The baby and toddler years are when the neural connections are literally being formed. A daycare environment (even a high quality one) at that age is proven to have long term detrimental effects on stress levels, behavior, and attachment. And the longer the hours, the more harmful the long term effects.[/quote
I’m always curious with these threads, the same people who say that being in daycare with long hours is detrimental and harmful long term effects- do they also believe any form of sleep training with any amount of crying out is not harmful? Because that would be a contradiction.

amother

↑ Daylily ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 7:22 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

I could just see it sad with a toddler seeing all the other moms and dads come for pick up and then their nanny coming everyday.. even if they know the nanny well. I still think having a parent come for pick up even if it may be later than they would like is better! And maybe a grandparent here and there if they can do earlier. But still nice for the parent themselves to pick up the child. The kid really is waiting for their parent. Not a nanny.

gr82no

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 7:32 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

If the choices are mom at six or nanny at three. Better nanny. I say this having seen kids in aftercare

amother

↑ Bisque ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 7:41 pm

Quote:

I’m always curious with these threads, the same people who say that being in daycare with long hours is detrimental and harmful long term effects- do they also believe any form of sleep training with any amount of crying out is not harmful? Because that would be a contradiction.

It’s all about moderation. So no, of course I don’t practice “cry it out” with my babies (though I do set up healthy sleep habits from birth) nor do I send them to daycare as babies/young toddlers. But I will let a cranky tired 18 month old “fuss it out” for a few minutes when I know that’s what they need, and I will happily send my 3 year old to a high quality low ratio morah for 5 hours a day.

amother

↑ Bisque ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 7:42 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

From a scientific and childhood development standpoint, you’re wrong. Far better for a baby to be in daycare fewer hours and be picked up by a nanny than to be at daycare longer.

amother

↑ Seagreen ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 7:46 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

It's not that uncommon for a nanny or sitter to pick up kids from daycare. Much rather have the nanny pick up the toddler at regular pickup time, then having toddler being in daycare such long hours.

amother

↑ Daylily ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 7:47 pm

amother Bisque wrote:

From a scientific and childhood development standpoint, you’re wrong. Far better for a baby to be in daycare fewer hours and be picked up by a nanny than to be at daycare longer.

Idk I personally wouldn’t trust a nanny if I can’t see what they’re doing. there’s no camera in a car. How do you know how they’re interacting.treating your child form pick up until they get home? I atleast can see my kid in the camera at daycare. I see far too many nanny’s in my neighborhood on their phones crossing the street etc. how do I trust them to drive my kid home?? Everyone has to do what they think is best for them. We shouldn’t be judging.