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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
amother
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 Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:37 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I don’t do the crying out method |
This makes you a normal parent bh!
Most parents don't do the crying out method. Attachment parenting doesn't mean that we don't do the crying out method.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:38 pm
Why not? OP said she's doing attachment parenting, perhaps she doesn't know what attachment parenting is.
I really don't mean to be not nice, I'm seriously asking.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:43 pm
| amother Seagreen wrote: | Why not? OP said she's doing attachment parenting, perhaps she doesn't know what attachment parenting is.
I really don't mean to be not nice, I'm seriously asking. |
There was nothing wrong with what you said, it was perfectly fine and not “not nice” at all. It certainly didn’t warrant an omg 😂
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:46 pm
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OP at 2 he should definitely be interacting with other kids. My 2 yr old son has a few friends already, and socializing is a huge part of his day! It’s definitely an age where they can feel lonely, he should have other kids to be playing with, running around with etc. Please send him to daycare
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giftedmom
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:56 pm
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You know this isn’t how attachment parenting works
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:57 pm
| amother Daylily wrote: | | It’s not always practical for a nanny to pick up late. What if they don’t drive. Or you don’t trust their driving etc. my toddler has extended hours. They don’t have a concept or time rly … as long as they’re kept busy with good teachers they’ll be fine. Helps that I have a camera system in the daycare so I can check in. |
Of course they have some concept of time! They notice when most of their friends leave and then they stay for 3 hours extra...
8-6 is a 10-hr day. That's LONG.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:00 pm
| amother Seablue wrote: | I had to make a similar decision this year with the one big difference that I don't work full time (so I can do pickup by 3 o'clock )
I ended up sending ds to daycare and so far am very happy with that choice. But it's a small class - 12 kids with 2 teachers. If it was a larger ratio I would never would have done it even if ds would be bored ( Its so important to me that someone is responsive pretty quickly to ds when he cries, gets to really know him and he could get attached to.... so I only wanted a small group). Also his teachers were extremely flexible - ex the first day I left him there just an hour, and slowly upped it till he was ready for a full day and they where very accommodating to that. And they allow me to drop in at any time to pick him up, so I did some random surprise picks up and saw how well he was cared for, so at this point I'm very comfortable.
As far as other kids being aggressive, if it's a small group hopefully the teachers should be on top of it. Also as hard as it is to think of you child in such a position (was hard for me), having them avoid other children will just make it worse since they don't learn how to defend themselves while the other children gain experience... and eventually you do need to send your child out ... (If there's a child who's exceptionally tough on your child, that's another story... it's your job to protect your child... I'm talking more in the topical range)
It took a few days but ds loves going, loves that there are activities geared to him, loves brining home arts and crafts he made, likes the structure of a schedule...
If you could do part time though that would really be the best.... Even the best of teachers get tired at the end of the day, same as your 2 year old... Would be nice for him to also have some downtime at home where he can have some time during the day to play alone as well, instead of getting picked up at 6, given supper and being put to bed without any time for himself. |
Im not sure where you live, but in NY 1:6 is the required ratio for a 2-year-old class. So 12 kids would be the maximum they can have with 2 teachers.
If they would have 1 more (13) they would need a 3rd teacher. So not a very low ratio...
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amother
Magnolia
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:10 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I had a nanny since my son was one year old; she's very competent but not particularly loving. My husband and I both have high-end jobs outside the home, working 8am-6pm. Our two-year-old son is sensitive, intelligent and very talkative and make real conversations. (Btw I practice attachment parenting.) We live out of town and found a great daycare, it's kosher but not very religious. My son struggles with change unless he feels secure and attached to his caregiver. What would you do? Should we stay with the nanny or send him to daycare? |
Definitely nanny! Kids are constantly sick once you start daycare and sounds like you both have demanding jobs and taking off work often will be a big stress. In terms of social life, you can either do a “nanny share” where a baby similar to yours age comes for a few hours so they get the socialization and you split the cost of those hours. Or you can find nanny’s in your area and have your nanny and them go to the park at the same time/arrange play dates… it’s very common where I live.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:15 pm
| amother Celeste wrote: | | It’s really not the best thing for a toddler or any kid for that matter. Always best to come home on time or early, assuming the home environment is healthy. |
I actually feel it’s better for a toddler than an older kid… a toddler or baby won’t remember this. It’s fine for the time being. Once I need to send my toddler to yeshiva and not day care with way less hours I’ll figure it out.
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amother
Moonstone
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:17 pm
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I think daycare 8-6 is really not a good option. can you find a more loving warm nanny? can you set the baby up with mommy and mes and play dates? I’m not being judgy I just feel sad for your baby to be in daycare for so many hours.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:20 pm
| amother Daylily wrote: | | I actually feel it’s better for a toddler than an older kid… a toddler or baby won’t remember this. It’s fine for the time being. Once I need to send my toddler to yeshiva and not day care with way less hours I’ll figure it out. |
This really isn't true. A toddler being in daycare for basically all of their waking hours, and not being in a home environment, can definitely leave a detrimental effect on the child.
Which is why the best solution with be for the child to go to daycare regular hours & either 1 parent cutting their hours or nanny picking up child from daycare regular time.
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amother
Electricblue
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:26 pm
OP, you're asking on the wrong forum, folk here don't have dual long hours or professional careers as you are describing and use casual childcare for 3-5 hours per day and women mostly work part time or flexibly.
Ask somewhere where this is common as here you are just going to get a lot of criticism of your lifestyle. Attachment style parenting is not inconsistent with using childcare, it means that you practice a style of parenting although you don't have the child 24/7. You do you.
FwIW, mostly people I know use daycare rather than nannies as it is more reliable and social at this age. Nanny is way more expensive if you include trips and socialising as essential. When we crunched the figures, childcare was cheaper and also more reliable and preferable for other reasons.
But you still need a back up plan for sickness as most kids get 10+ viruses in their first year in childcare /school as they build their immunity. That settled down after the first 6 months.
Hatzlacha.
FB might be better for you. Imamother is not the place for this kind of query.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:28 pm
[quote="amother Seagreen"]This really isn't true. A toddler being in daycare for basically all of their waking hours, and not being in a home environment, can definitely leave a detrimental effect on the child.
Which is why the best solution with be for the child to go to daycare regular hours & either 1 parent cutting their hours or nanny picking up child from daycare regular time.[/quote
If they’re around loving and caring daycare teachers , the parent has a camera access and can see what is going on. It’s fine. Rly not everyone has the luxury of one parent cutting hours. Having a nanny pick up I don’t see as any better. Maybe a grandparent yes. But a nanny who is not family idk.
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lamplighter
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:35 pm
Daycare at this age but you'll need a back up for days when he's sick or daycare is closed.
Ideally a nanny or babysitter can pick him up earlier to be home for a few hours in the evening.
10 hrs in daycare is a long time.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:46 pm
[quote="amother Daylily"] | amother Seagreen wrote: | This really isn't true. A toddler being in daycare for basically all of their waking hours, and not being in a home environment, can definitely leave a detrimental effect on the child.
Which is why the best solution with be for the child to go to daycare regular hours & either 1 parent cutting their hours or nanny picking up child from daycare regular time.[/quote
If they’re around loving and caring daycare teachers , the parent has a camera access and can see what is going on. It’s fine. Rly not everyone has the luxury of one parent cutting hours. Having a nanny pick up I don’t see as any better. Maybe a grandparent yes. But a nanny who is not family idk. |
It's not about the parents being able to see what's going on in the daycare. It's about the child spending time in the home environment, which is very important for the child's emotional wellbeing. Even if the nanny picks him up vs. a family member. The child knows that nanny well & he'd be spending the afternoon & evening at home instead of in daycare, which is important for the child.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 4:01 pm
| amother Daylily wrote: | | I actually feel it’s better for a toddler than an older kid… a toddler or baby won’t remember this. It’s fine for the time being. Once I need to send my toddler to yeshiva and not day care with way less hours I’ll figure it out. |
This isn’t true at all. It much worse and detrimental for a toddler who really needs their parent after a long day. After care for a toddler is really not a good thing and should be avoided as much as possible. Good luck!
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 4:02 pm
| amother Seagreen wrote: | | It's not about the parents being able to see what's going on in the daycare. It's about the child spending time in the home environment, which is very important for the child's emotions wellbeing. Even if the nanny picks him up vs. a family member. The child knows that nanny well & he'd be spending the afternoon & evening at home instead of in daycare, which is important for the child. |
This.
A long day of daycare is very detrimental and stressful to a toddler. Op, if you send to a daycare look into the quality of care, spot check and have short hours. Good luck.
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amother
Glitter
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 4:17 pm
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My kids do fine at daycare at that age but they go from 8:30 to 4:30 usually. The research on daycare is that the bad aggressive stuff comes from low quality childcare, so if you have a high quality one I wouldn't worry about that. I do think it's good for a 2 year old to socialize, so if he's with a nanny she should be taking him to library programs and stuff like that.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 4:30 pm
| amother Seagreen wrote: | | It's not about the parents being able to see what's going on in the daycare. It's about the child spending time in the home environment, which is very important for the child's emotions wellbeing. Even if the nanny picks him up vs. a family member. The child knows that nanny well & he'd be spending the afternoon & evening at home instead of in daycare, which is important for the child. |
If the child knows the daycare well also (like there since a baby) I think it’s fine.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 4:32 pm
| amother Celeste wrote: | | This isn’t true at all. It much worse and detrimental for a toddler who really needs their parent after a long day. After care for a toddler is really not a good thing and should be avoided as much as possible. Good luck! |
Rly hard to avoid it when a parent has a normal 8-4 or Wtvr job. Need to counter in commute as well. Working part time is just not feasible. The child will iyH be okay. As long as they seem happy etc.
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