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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
amother
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 Sun, Nov 03 2024, 12:12 pm
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I had a nanny since my son was one year old; she's very competent but not particularly loving. My husband and I both have high-end jobs outside the home, working 8am-6pm. Our two-year-old son is sensitive, intelligent and very talkative and make real conversations. (Btw I practice attachment parenting.) We live out of town and found a great daycare, it's kosher but not very religious. My son struggles with change unless he feels secure and attached to his caregiver. What would you do? Should we stay with the nanny or send him to daycare?
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 12:20 pm
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I’m a huge proponent of daycare especially for that age. Do the hours work for your schedule?
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 12:22 pm
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Definitely daycare at that age.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 12:22 pm
| amother Peony wrote: | | I’m a huge proponent of daycare especially for that age. Do the hours work for your schedule? |
Yes but he will stay for after hours extended day.
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dragoneye126
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 12:25 pm
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Both. You’ll need someone to cover sick days, vacations, etc.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 12:27 pm
| dragoneye126 wrote: | | Both. You’ll need someone to cover sick days, vacations, etc. |
How can you have both?
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 12:29 pm
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Daycare. It can be very lonely for a 2 year old to be alone with a nanny all day. Is it an option to have her pick hime up from Daycare instead of extended hours? 8-6 is a long time...
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 12:59 pm
| amother Aquamarine wrote: | | Daycare. It can be very lonely for a 2 year old to be alone with a nanny all day. Is it an option to have her pick hime up from Daycare instead of extended hours? 8-6 is a long time... |
Do 2 year olds play with their peers?
Also He's very gentle, I worry that some toddlers can be quite aggressive.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 1:17 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Do 2 year olds play with their peers?
Also He's very gentle, I worry that some toddlers can be quite aggressive. |
2 year olds primarily do parallel play but as they get closer to 3 they will absolutely learn the play with others.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 1:18 pm
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Neither are a good option. Can you do a part time playgroup for half a day and then have a nanny pick up? Late stay for a 2 year old is just sad.
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amother
Seablue
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:11 pm
I had to make a similar decision this year with the one big difference that I don't work full time (so I can do pickup by 3 o'clock )
I ended up sending ds to daycare and so far am very happy with that choice. But it's a small class - 12 kids with 2 teachers. If it was a larger ratio I would never would have done it even if ds would be bored ( Its so important to me that someone is responsive pretty quickly to ds when he cries, gets to really know him and he could get attached to.... so I only wanted a small group). Also his teachers were extremely flexible - ex the first day I left him there just an hour, and slowly upped it till he was ready for a full day and they where very accommodating to that. And they allow me to drop in at any time to pick him up, so I did some random surprise picks up and saw how well he was cared for, so at this point I'm very comfortable.
As far as other kids being aggressive, if it's a small group hopefully the teachers should be on top of it. Also as hard as it is to think of you child in such a position (was hard for me), having them avoid other children will just make it worse since they don't learn how to defend themselves while the other children gain experience... and eventually you do need to send your child out ... (If there's a child who's exceptionally tough on your child, that's another story... it's your job to protect your child... I'm talking more in the topical range)
It took a few days but ds loves going, loves that there are activities geared to him, loves brining home arts and crafts he made, likes the structure of a schedule...
If you could do part time though that would really be the best.... Even the best of teachers get tired at the end of the day, same as your 2 year old... Would be nice for him to also have some downtime at home where he can have some time during the day to play alone as well, instead of getting picked up at 6, given supper and being put to bed without any time for himself.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:12 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Yes but he will stay for after hours extended day. |
That's a very long day in daycare for a 2 year old. Best would be daycare regular hours & going home to the nanny.
(BTW, attachment parenting is a contradiction to a child being away from their mother for most/all of their waking hours, when exactly are you attachment parenting?)
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:29 pm
| amother Seagreen wrote: | That's a very long day in daycare for a 2 year old. Best would be daycare regular hours & going home to the nanny.
(BTW, attachment parenting is a contradiction to a child being away from their mother for most/all of their waking hours, when exactly are you attachment parenting?) |
I respond to him at nighttime and share his bed when needed.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:31 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I respond to him at nighttime and share his bed when needed. |
That's basic parenting that every parent should be doing.....
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:32 pm
| amother Seagreen wrote: | | That's basic parenting that every parent should be doing..... |
I don’t do the crying out method
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:33 pm
| amother Celeste wrote: | | Neither are a good option. Can you do a part time playgroup for half a day and then have a nanny pick up? Late stay for a 2 year old is just sad. |
It’s not always practical for a nanny to pick up late. What if they don’t drive. Or you don’t trust their driving etc. my toddler has extended hours. They don’t have a concept or time rly … as long as they’re kept busy with good teachers they’ll be fine. Helps that I have a camera system in the daycare so I can check in.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:34 pm
| amother Seablue wrote: | I had to make a similar decision this year with the one big difference that I don't work full time (so I can do pickup by 3 o'clock )
I ended up sending ds to daycare and so far am very happy with that choice. But it's a small class - 12 kids with 2 teachers. If it was a larger ratio I would never would have done it even if ds would be bored ( Its so important to me that someone is responsive pretty quickly to ds when he cries, gets to really know him and he could get attached to.... so I only wanted a small group). Also his teachers were extremely flexible - ex the first day I left him there just an hour, and slowly upped it till he was ready for a full day and they where very accommodating to that. And they allow me to drop in at any time to pick him up, so I did some random surprise picks up and saw how well he was cared for, so at this point I'm very comfortable.
As far as other kids being aggressive, if it's a small group hopefully the teachers should be on top of it. Also as hard as it is to think of you child in such a position (was hard for me), having them avoid other children will just make it worse since they don't learn how to defend themselves while the other children gain experience... and eventually you do need to send your child out ... (If there's a child who's exceptionally tough on your child, that's another story... it's your job to protect your child... I'm talking more in the topical range)
It took a few days but ds loves going, loves that there are activities geared to him, loves brining home arts and crafts he made, likes the structure of a schedule...
If you could do part time though that would really be the best.... Even the best of teachers get tired at the end of the day, same as your 2 year old... Would be nice for him to also have some downtime at home where he can have some time during the day to play alone as well, instead of getting picked up at 6, given supper and being put to bed without any time for himself. |
You don’t need your kid to get experience dealing with aggression at the 2 year old level without a parent there. I send my kids to school at 3 and they all have great social skills. Just addressing that point.
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tichellady
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:34 pm
I would do the daycare but you will need backup care for when he’s sick or has days off if your jobs aren’t flexible
Unless your nanny is taking him out to play with other kids and bringing him on outings, but it’s a long day to be home with a nanny who isn’t particularly loving alone
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tichellady
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:35 pm
| amother Seagreen wrote: | That's a very long day in daycare for a 2 year old. Best would be daycare regular hours & going home to the nanny.
(BTW, attachment parenting is a contradiction to a child being away from their mother for most/all of their waking hours, when exactly are you attachment parenting?) |
Omg you are not being very nice
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amother
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Sun, Nov 03 2024, 2:35 pm
| amother Daylily wrote: | | It’s not always practical for a nanny to pick up late. What if they don’t drive. Or you don’t trust their driving etc. my toddler has extended hours. They don’t have a concept or time rly … as long as they’re kept busy with good teachers they’ll be fine. Helps that I have a camera system in the daycare so I can check in. |
It’s really not the best thing for a toddler or any kid for that matter. Always best to come home on time or early, assuming the home environment is healthy.
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