WWYD? Slob guests | Imamother

ra_mom

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:13 pm

I think you should tell your friend about her brother. Otherwise the next time she calls, you'll say no, and she'll lose out, because you won't know who she's planning to send and it will be awkward for you to say well it depends who is coming. If you tell her now, she knows not to ask you again for this particular guest, but can still ask for others.

Last edited by ra_mom on Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:38 pm; edited 2 times in total

amother

Mauve

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:14 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

Huh? I just stayed in someone's house over the entire sukkos and of course we vacuumed before we left. That's just basic decency.

IDK about you but our vacuum isn't just lying around in the open. I wouldn't go searching through people's closets just to vacuum.

I've never stayed by anyone that expected us to vacuum.

amother

↑ Magenta

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:39 pm

Id just feel bad dumping this couple on others. Like when something is wrong and they keep get shoved off on unsuspecting new people.
The sister needs to know.
you don't want it to affect your relationship with her or cause distance so best to deal with it calmly and directly
The couple needs to know and respect the basic rules or they won't be offered hospitality and join the simcha.
simple
op if you really can't do it then ask your husband to tell her husband

hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Yellow

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 7:07 pm

I had a relative that had the same story as you, op... a couple from out of town was supposed to stay in their guest room for a week...they made themselves super comfy and stayed for the month! the room had a crazy stench- they literally partied in the room, it was gross... and after all this time, they didn't bother cleaning up at all. she said nothing to them! but I wouldn't be so strong... id most likely say something...

I also have a room that I give out here and here. once I had a couple, that when they left, you didnt see a mention of their stay. so nice, so polite.
another time I had my neighbors 2 teenagers since their home was busy for family simcha. they were horrible guests, the room was full of dirty laundry and a disgusting stench, they left overfilled garbage cans in the bathroom and they visited our rooms in middle of the night, to top it off...... let alone the noise level and the doors banging shut..... immature and difficult guests to have.....
a few weeks later I found a shopping bag at the private entrance they were using... it was full of used feminine products...with a knot on the bag and they just left it by me..............................
SO FRUSTRATING!
I FEEL YOU!

I rent airbnb apartments pretty often. I leave it perfect, the floor swept, the beds made, all towels in one pile in the shower, the chairs pushed in to place, the throw pillows properly layed out on the couch. I do it for myself, I like being a mentch and it also makes a great kiddush hashem! they always give us positive renter reviews...

Simple1

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 7:42 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

So, unless I tell you to vacuum, please do not go looking through my house for a vacuum even if you end up finding it in the first place you look.
If you made an enormous mess and feel uncomfortable leaving it, then you should ask me if it's okay to vacuum and where it is.

In conclusion I do not think you should vacuum and someone's house without asking the hostess unless it was specified in your contract.

I would also be afraid to use such an expensive and delicate item without permission just in case it breaks.

amother

Catmint ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

. But it was a nice lesson for my kids, who were flabbergasted when they saw it.

There you go, your silver lining, good for you.

I would have left the room as is, called the sister to come immediately to pick up the stuff they left in the room. Let her see the state in which it was left. You can casually mention that some of your stuff is missing, if you want. Unless you want to just let that go. Although, the missing stuff may be a sign of kleptomania.
If she just takes the underwear and says nothing, I would think twice before hosting her family again. If she is like me, she would gasp and apologize profusely, clean up after her kids and make sure they know that it was not OK to do this.

You may want to consider placing a folded note on the dresser, asking guests to please leave the room as they found it.

amother

↑ Freesia

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 6:44 am

amother Mauve wrote:

IDK about you but our vacuum isn't just lying around in the open. I wouldn't go searching through people's closets just to vacuum.

I've never stayed by anyone that expected us to vacuum.

Maybe this is culture dependent. I'm from the UK. And of course if you stay in someone's house for over a week, you vacuum before you leave. That would be considered basic decency here. My mother was considering sending over her cleaner also, to clean the bathrooms before they returned.

And maybe people have less closets here? it's a very easy item to find and anyway they told us to use whatever we want.

amother

Chocolate ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:05 pm

You need to tell your friend the truth so that she can educate her brother and his wife, and so that you don't need to come up with lame excuses for the rest of your life. It's hard to imagine that anyone old enough to be married is unaware of the proper way to behave in someone else's home, but I guess you never know. Maybe their parents thought it was self-evident and didn't need to be said. (If so, they were way wrong, obviously.)

amother

↑ Chocolate

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:16 pm

imaima wrote:

Seems like they felt like they were in a hotel were an anonymous person will clean up their mess. .

Know what? It's terrible middos to leave the place a pigsty even if it's a hotel and one is paying through the nose. REAL PEOPLE have to clean up after you, they get no prestige and little pay, and they have a very short time allotted to clean each room. No one is suggesting that hotel guests should scrub the tub or polish the mirrors, but there's no excuse for leaving stuff all over the floor. I used to clean the rooms in a mikvah, and I could tell you stories that would curdle your insides.

amother

↑ Catmint

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 8:20 pm

amother Chocolate wrote:

So sad. We need to do better. I always left the rooms as I got them and used my towel to wipe any puddles from the floor.
I am jealous of your mitzvos. May your zechusim be great.

amother

Amaryllis

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 9:53 am

amother Freesia wrote:

Also from the UK. I would also clean up and vacuum before leaving. I don't think it's right to leave a place looking such a mess, even if they are getting a cleaner in. It's usually a quick vacuum to make it look okay, rather than perfect.