Question for those who have sent to daycare…

amother

↑ Lightcoral ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:13 pm

nechama2 wrote:

I’m in Israel, what’s DHS?
Also what part would you report, the fact that she left them with her husband or the fact that they scream a lot?

DHS is Department of Human Services. In the States it’s the organization that licenses daycares.
If she had a license it would be an infraction to leave the children with someone who hasn’t had a background check done. But most frum babysitters (at least where I live) aren’t licensed so if that was the case I’d report her for running an illegal daycare.

amother

Turquoise ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:19 pm

nechama2 wrote:

Not sure it’s so simple…
The reason I turned to imamother was because I had asked several people from my neighborhood and they all told me how wonderful she was and that it’s normal for babies to cry a lot in daycare. I needed to see if there were other opinions.
Also all the parents work and finding an available babysitter at short notice isn’t easy

I work in a day care, in israel. This is just not true. It is not normal for babies to cry a lot in day care.

Your story is beyond disturbing to me.

But just as an aside, if a parent knows they are planning on coming at a time other than regular pick up, they usually let us know at drop off.

↑ nechama2 ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:25 pm

amother Lightcoral wrote:

I now see she’s definitely wrong but I wouldn’t want to ruin her parnassa and get her in trouble

amother

Peachpuff

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:25 pm

This is not OK at all.
My baby (who was a complete clinging koala bear and cried if I wasn't in the room) settled into daycare with hardly a look back. 11 mo and no crying, just surrounded by loving morahs.
In the UK the legal daycare do settling in so you have slowly increasing hours where you leave your baby. Also a whole interview where their sleep patterns, food preferences, routine, how to settle them, what sleeping position they like, how they indicate different needs etc. And a 3 babies to 1 adult ratio. My baby loved it and was so happy. We had an app for updates and videos and could pick up any time, no worries, walk into the rooms and get updates. They were so loving, I see some of them around and they are always so lovely

I get my standards for daycare are high ( and costs too) but this sounds abusive. No babies should be screaming for hours ever.

amother

Dustypink ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:25 pm

amother Turquoise wrote:

It is normal if there is 1 mitapelet and 8 babies which is sadly pretty common in some neighborhoods. The mitapelet doesnt make enough money per baby to have a small ratio.

The place that this would be reported to is the revacha. But if this only happened once I dont think its revacha worthy. Its not acceptable at all, but let the morah fix things b4 getting the authorities involved.

BUT I would pull my kid out.

amother

Chestnut ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:28 pm

nechama2 wrote:

I'm a private babysitter in Israel for that age, what she did is absolutely not ok!!!!!
Unless an absolute emergency there is no reason I leave the babies. The only times I've left and I can count on my fingers how many in the last 5 yrs since ive started were for my kids gan shows/Chumash party and the parents usually know about it. If I leave them it's with a women or seminary girl, never my husband.

Some kids that age cry at the beginning for adjustment but should not be crying constantly and unless they are sleeping they should not be in the crib or stroller unless that's there happy place -but they won't be crying. Happened to be the group I have now didn't really cry at all.

I had to swap from my amazing obgyn by my last pregnancy as he was only working during morning hours and liked to see his patients every 6 weeks. I found someone who worked evenings even though I did not like him as a Dr.
I'm trying to figure out why she had to leave and why the husband didn't answer straight away, sorry I can't think of anything.

If you by any chance live in my area - Neve Yaakov, I will be happy to take your kid. I still have 2 spots available.

↑ nechama2 ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:29 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

In my community, I had serious concerns about a babysitter that my baby was at, but when I spoke to a few ppl,I received the same reaction as you...she's amazing, incredible, etc. Slowly over the years, things came out, assistants spoke up, and her group was shut down immediately. Trust your gut. You have an insiders perspective

This is so scary!!
I’m so on the fence now about starting my new job knowing all this can happen to my precious baby…

amother

↑ Dustypink ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:29 pm

amother Turquoise wrote:

A parent should always be able to check on their baby. If they cant, red flags. Ive tried to make a point of coming at random times to check the situation.

Obviously, once I trust the Morah I will tell her in advance so she could have my baby ready instead of me coming and hearing she took a late nap.

amother

↑ Tangerine

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:30 pm

nechama2 wrote:

It is normal to cry at the beginning, but this is not crying this is just straight up neglectful.

amother

Lightblue ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:34 pm

I babysit from my home. I would NEVER leave my husband to care for the kids while I run out, quick or otherwise. If it's an emergency, couldn't her husband run out? If she was sick or ran put for an emergency regarding herself, the correct thing to do would be to notify the parents ASAP, explain the situation, say leaving them with my husband, if you are uncomfortable, come get them at your earliest convenience, and I'm so sorry...

I had an emergency (ectopic pregnancy, and other complications) and I arranged my SIL to take over for me, and gave parents a heads up as I was on the way to the hospital. And they had the choice to get the kids or leave them with the backup. (Not the point, but they were completely ok with that, and also, they knew who was caring for their kids!)

When my kids need to be picked up from school bc they are sick or whatever, my husband does. If he couldn't do it, I would ask the parents if they are ok if I take them with me as I go. (I'd walk them in a stroller...) or arrange a ride for my kids if that isn't possible.

It's hard to know if this is a one off emergency for her, or this is her normal behavior. HOWEVER!! She didn't message parents to notify (or have her husband do it if she was unable) AND you were banging on the door for 10 min without him answering???

Also, Your baby was upset, and diaper unchanged. So my gut is also saying something is wrong.

Where do you live, if you don't mind saying?

amother

↑ Dustypink ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:38 pm

nechama2 wrote:

After staying home with all my babies so far, this is my first time sending a baby out to a babysitter so I’m unsure what the norms are…
Today I needed to pick my baby up from the babysitter (10 months) a little early since I had to take her to an appointment. After calling the babysitter a few times she didn’t answer so I just went over to her house. I knocked and knocked but no one answered, tried calling again, no answer. I heard the babies screaming (including mine).
At this point I was panicking and banging on the door. Still no answer.
Finally after about 10 minutes she answered her phone and I could hear that she wasn’t at home (honking in the background). I told her I was outside her house. She said oh ok and hung up.
A couple minutes later her husband opened the door with my baby who was inconsolable and had a very full diaper.
I’m so shaken by the whole event.
Is it normal for babysitters to leave the house without letting the parents know that they’re leaving them with their husbands?

I have a couple weeks until I start work so there’s time to move her to a different babysitter if necessary.

This one is very close to my house and was highly recommended so I'm debating whether I’m overreacting.
My gut is telling me it’s not right and I’ve already made enquiries into another babysitter.
Anyone have experience with this?

Never listen to people saying how wonderful and take it at face value. Mothers have such different standards of what they are Ok with.

Example, my friend was an amazing mitapelet. She only took a small group and treated each baby like her own. One baby was a real crier and the mother told her not to spoil him. She didnt listen. She said her ideaology is to never let young babies cry unnecessarily. If she has free hands, she will hold him.

So that mother would be perfectly happy with the mitapelet that I sent to who did exactly just that. Tried to teach the babies not to be so needy and saw that as perfectly ideal.

You have to ask specific questions and not just the ratio. If it sounds low, does she regularly have dropins? Is she often cooking/doing housework with the babies awake and crying? Does your baby look cared for? Were diapers changed regularly and well...

↑ nechama2 ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:48 pm

amother Chestnut wrote:

You sound very like a dedicated and loving Morah
I wish I lived nearby, but I’m in Beit Shemesh

↑ nechama2 ↓

Tue, Oct 29 2024, 5:52 pm

amother Lightblue wrote:

I didn’t even think about her husband specifically watching them being such a source for concern, for me it was more that she stepped out and left them with someone who wasn’t her. But come to think of it…