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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Infants
nechama2
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 Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:30 pm
After staying home with all my babies so far, this is my first time sending a baby out to a babysitter so I’m unsure what the norms are…
Today I needed to pick my baby up from the babysitter (10 months) a little early since I had to take her to an appointment. After calling the babysitter a few times she didn’t answer so I just went over to her house. I knocked and knocked but no one answered, tried calling again, no answer. I heard the babies screaming (including mine).
At this point I was panicking and banging on the door. Still no answer.
Finally after about 10 minutes she answered her phone and I could hear that she wasn’t at home (honking in the background). I told her I was outside her house. She said oh ok and hung up.
A couple minutes later her husband opened the door with my baby who was inconsolable and had a very full diaper.
I’m so shaken by the whole event.
Is it normal for babysitters to leave the house without letting the parents know that they’re leaving them with their husbands?
I have a couple weeks until I start work so there’s time to move her to a different babysitter if necessary.
This one is very close to my house and was highly recommended so I'm debating whether I’m overreacting.
My gut is telling me it’s not right and I’ve already made enquiries into another babysitter.
Anyone have experience with this?
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ddmom
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:33 pm
Call her and ask for an explanation.
Very unusual but maybe she had an emergency/valid explanation.
Your guts are telling you right, very weird and not reassuring at all.
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nechama2
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:39 pm
| ddmom wrote: | Call her and ask for an explanation.
Very unusual but maybe she had an emergency/valid explanation.
Your guts are telling you right, very weird and not reassuring at all. |
I spoke to her a bit later and she just casually said that she needed to step out for a bit… no apology no explanation.
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amother
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:41 pm
| nechama2 wrote: | | I spoke to her a bit later and she just casually said that she needed to step out for a bit… no apology no explanation. |
If that's the case I would switch to a different babysitter. That isn't normal. I sent to many babysitters for many years and never had this experience. And if they would have to leave for some reason they told me in advance
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amother
DarkPurple
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:42 pm
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Considering the situation and response, this is NOT NORMAL
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amother
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:42 pm
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I've sent all my children to daycare from an early age and this imo isn't normal.
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Sewsew_mom
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:43 pm
Does it feel safe for you to leave your baby there? You're the mother. Only you'll know.
Learn how to trust your instincts
Sorry you had this experience.
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amother
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:46 pm
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I’d pull out right now. This is not acceptable.
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nechama2
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:51 pm
| Sewsew_mom wrote: | Does it feel safe for you to leave your baby there? You're the mother. Only you'll know.
Learn how to trust your instincts
Sorry you had this experience. |
I didn’t really trust her from the start (babies screaming alone in the room with the cribs and she didn’t seem to notice the sound)
but from the get go I wasn’t thrilled about sending out my baby, so I just told myself that that’s how babysitters are. Also people told me that it’s normal for babies to scream until they get used to it
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amother
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:52 pm
| nechama2 wrote: | | so I just told myself that that’s how babysitters are. |
No that's not how babysitters are
Not okay
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amother
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:52 pm
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Absolutely unacceptable. Not only would I be pulling my kid out but I’d report her to DHS.
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amother
Oatmeal
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:53 pm
| nechama2 wrote: | I didn’t really trust her from the start (babies screaming alone in the room with the cribs and she didn’t seem to notice the sound)
but from the get go I wasn’t thrilled about sending out my baby, so I just told myself that that’s how babysitters are. Also people told me that it’s normal for babies to scream until they get used to it |
This is so sad. Babies cry because their needs aren't being met. Waiting until they get used to it so sadly abusive. Ugh.
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nechama2
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:54 pm
| amother Lightcoral wrote: | | Absolutely unacceptable. Not only would I be pulling my kid out but I’d report her to DHS. |
I’m in Israel, what’s DHS?
Also what part would you report, the fact that she left them with her husband or the fact that they scream a lot?
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amother
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:56 pm
That’s not ok at all. Don’t send your baby back. Poor babies.
Moms have no clue what goes on by their babysitter.
Every mother needs to pop in at random times to spot check.
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amother
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:56 pm
The whole thing is not okay.
Leaving them with the husband, the fact that you called and knocked and didn't get an answer for 10 minutes, the woman being so chilled about it, babies screaming.....
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amother
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:57 pm
| nechama2 wrote: | I didn’t really trust her from the start (babies screaming alone in the room with the cribs and she didn’t seem to notice the sound)
but from the get go I wasn’t thrilled about sending out my baby, so I just told myself that that’s how babysitters are. Also people told me that it’s normal for babies to scream until they get used to it |
This is so sad! And you just went and sent your baby there???
Please find a way to tell all the mothers. No baby should go back there tomorrow!
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amother
Oxfordblue
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:57 pm
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I work in a day care. It doesn’t sound great unless it’s a one off and in general it’s well run. Leaving with the husband while she steps out on occasion but not often may be okay if things are under control. Then again even the best morahs have hectic moments where everyone is crying which stops once the kids get what they need. And sometimes you have really bad days but it shouldn’t be an every day thing.
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nechama2
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:59 pm
| amother Yolk wrote: | That’s not ok at all. Don’t send your baby back. Poor babies.
Moms have no clue what goes on by their babysitter.
Every mother needs to pop in at random times to spot check. |
Right that exactly how I felt, like I “caught her”…
I keeping thinking that had I not picked her up early I wouldn’t have known she had left the house.
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amother
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 2:03 pm
| nechama2 wrote: | Right that exactly how I felt, like I “caught her”…
I keeping thinking that had I not picked her up early I wouldn’t have known she had left the house. |
Please don’t send your baby back tomorrow.
Can you let the other moms know? This is unacceptable.
Is there a Rav who can get involved?
You must do something.
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nechama2
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 2:04 pm
| amother Yolk wrote: | This is so sad! And you just went and sent your baby there???
Please find a way to tell all the mothers. No baby should go back there tomorrow! |
Not sure it’s so simple…
The reason I turned to imamother was because I had asked several people from my neighborhood and they all told me how wonderful she was and that it’s normal for babies to cry a lot in daycare. I needed to see if there were other opinions.
Also all the parents work and finding an available babysitter at short notice isn’t easy
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