When do I tell her? And what do I say? So young!

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 9:26 am

All these posts about development and periods and when/if to say something have got me thinking. My daughter is 8.5, and she does have little buds. Shes very much NOT mature, and I can’t even fathom her getting her period when she’s 10 right now. Is try at what I’m looking at? Will I have to tell her when she’s 9 and change, and possibly still not mature enough to really understand? How do I know? My other girls I discussed with when older and also more mature. What do I say to a child who might not be mature enough to understand? When do I tell her?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 9:34 am

mfb wrote:

It can be pushed off at this age I think it’s still called precocious puberty. Speak to your doctor

She just had a well visit and the doc didn’t say anything. But I don’t remember if she looked inside her gown or not. I guess I’ll mention it after succos. Is precious puberty a bad thing? She’s super tall compared to most of my other kids (I think she’s in the 70 or 80 something percentile, and my other kids are somewhere between 10-20) and she one of the tallest in her grade. Are there other things I should be looking out for? How might precious puberty affect her?

amother

Jade

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 9:38 am

You can go to an endocrinologist to discuss precocious puberty. They are the ones who test and deal with it. They will see where her growth plates are up to and if it’s not great that it’s happening now. And yes generally speaking a period is two years away from breast buds.

amother

Ultramarine ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 9:38 am

8.5 is slightly earlier than what's considered normal range but not early enough that most doctors would take measures to push it off. Unfortunately, puberty doesn't care if you're ready or mature enough, so if she's already developing, you don't really have a choice. She's not going to take it any better when she starts bleeding out of the blue with no context one day than if you tell her to expect exactly that some time in the next few years.

amother

Nectarine

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 9:56 am

I told my daughter when she was 9 as she was (and is) showing signs of puberty. My eldest got her period at 10 and I was so relieved I had told her a few months before.
I kept the conversation light, showed her a pad, got her a cute small purse to keep one in her schoolbag.
BH she's about to turn 11 and hasn't started yet. She does not like the idea, or like having to start wearing a bra, but as previous poster said it will come when it comes so better prepared.
I gave my girls The Wonder of You and that's very helpful.

imaima ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 10:11 am

amother OP wrote:

Tell her that she is becoming a real woman like mommy and when she sees blood in her underwear, that will be the sign. Then she needs to tell you about the blood. It means her stomach is getting ready to host babies later on

↑ imaima ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 10:12 am

mfb wrote:

It can be pushed off at this age I think it’s still called precocious puberty. Speak to your doctor

Buds at 8.5 are not precocious. It can still be pushed off but it’s an earlier end of normal

amother

Lightpink ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 10:15 am

imaima wrote:

Buds at 8.5 are not precocious. It can still be pushed off but it’s an earlier end of normal

In todays world it isn’t. I know many girls getting their periods by now unfortunately

We consume a lot more hormones now than we did 10,20,30 years ago

amother

Thistle

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 10:15 am

My daughter is also 8.5 and also has small buds and I worry so much because she’s so immature . I didn’t get it until high school I really hope she takes after me . I was a 32D in 8th grade and still didn’t have my period

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 10:16 am

So, my daughter had little buds from age 7.5. I told her about periods when she was 8 or 9. She was NOT ready for the information at all and burst out crying, took a long time to calm down.

She didn't get her period until age 12.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 10:28 am

amother Pumpkin wrote:

That’s what I’m scared of….hopefully by then she will be more mature.

↑ imaima

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 11:56 am

amother OP wrote:

That’s what I’m scared of….hopefully by then she will be more mature.

I mean my daughter was also extremely sad that this will be her life from now on.
Pain, mess, pads. It is life for a woman and we have to guide them through this realization.
I guess it boils down to a mindshift that seeing blood is not a sign of danger or illness.
The idea „I will bleed every month“ is scary and sad because we are raised with the idea that blood is a big deal

amother

Acacia

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 12:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

The fact that she's super tall might mean she will stop growing after puberty and she might be short. She can be on highest percentile now but if she doesn't grow after 11/12 she will end up shorter.
Girls that have puberty later grow taller.
Ask dr.

amother

↑ Ultramarine

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 12:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

That’s what I’m scared of….hopefully by then she will be more mature.

Ok, but you have absolutely no way of knowing whether it's going to happen in 5 years, next year, or next Tuesday. Even top doctors cannot definitively tell you. If you're worried she's not going to take it well that this is something that is *going* to happen some time in the future, Kal vachomer she's not going to take it well if she goes to the bathroom one day and finds blood in her underwear with no knowledge of what it is.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 12:37 pm

amother Ultramarine wrote:

Who said anything about not saying anything? Did you read my title and my first post? I’m literally asking when I should tell her and how, because right now she is very immature. Of course I don’t want it to happen before I say anything! That would be awful! I just don’t know when and how, because of her young age and (current) lack of maturity.

amother

↑ Lightpink

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 12:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

She meant it’s important to tell her before it happens, because if the conversation itself is scary imagine how much worse it’ll be to get it with zero warning

The issue is you don’t know when it will be, so IMO I’d tell her now. Waiting just gives an opportunity to miss telling her beforehand

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 3:30 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

I was responding to this, meaning of course I’m going to have a conversation with her.

Kal vachomer she's not going to take it well if she goes to the bathroom one day and finds blood in her underwear with no knowledge of what it is.

I don’t think she is mature enough to hear about it right now, and to understand that it’s not a discussion to share with her friends. I don’t think waiting 6 months to see how she matures over the year, or even a year, until she is 9.5, will lead to a missed opportunity. I can wait until she is 9 or 9.5, right?

tweety1

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 3:37 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

Girls that have puberty later grow taller.
Ask dr.

Not necessarily at all. It could be. It doesn't have to be.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 4:28 pm

tweety1 wrote:

Not necessarily at all. It could be. It doesn't have to be.

Should I speak to my pediatrician or skip that and go straight to an endocrinologist?