Response cards | Imamother

amother

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 2:52 pm

Please don’t start with I’m old fashioned and not with the times. I don’t get it. Sent out about 500 wedding invitations almost a month ago with stamps on the response cards. What is wrong with people they don’t have the decency to respond. I got back maybe 45

amother

Honeydew ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 3:10 pm

100% agree.

I made a simcha and it wasn't the kind of thing where I wanted to have a bunch of empty tables because there wasn't dancing.

Despite setting an extra five spots at the friends and neighbors table at least 15 people I didn't account for showed up and sat down from the beginning to the end! Not just for a few minutes. I was really embarrassed to see people squashing onto a table when I would have had no issues setting up an additional table to begin with. Ppl always say that nobody will ever mind if you come to an event, but personally I do not think it's nice to show up and eat a whole meal without letting them know in advance.

amother

Ultramarine

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 3:36 pm

Made a wedding had to ask many times if they would attend
Two people were no shows
A rabbi and his wife canceled day of wedding
Cousin replied day of wedding

amother

Taupe ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 4:20 pm

It is so rude not to respond and let the host know either way, and please respond as soon as you know.

I am making a wedding. It is costing me a fortune per person and I have a 375 person minimum. My goal is exactly 375 people (as I need to pay for 375 but I really don’t have the funds to pay for many more). There are many people I would love to invite, but that are relegated to the B list for finances. I would love for you to come, but If you are not coming, please let me know so I can invite them. I hope you come, but if you are not, I don’t need to pay for empty tables.

flowerpower

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 4:23 pm

I send it back the day I get it in the mail. Totally get how you feel. It doesn’t take much to write something and mail it. Mazel tov!

amother

↑ Honeydew ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 4:27 pm

Id be less annoyed if people didn't respond to end didn't show up, but not responding and showing up is just beyond...

LadyGodiva ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 4:32 pm

I try to respond if I'll be going, but never respond if I won't.
Our community doesn't do response cards and weddings work out fine without them.
I assume that 75% of local people invited will attend.

↑ LadyGodiva ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 4:33 pm

amother Honeydew wrote:

Id be less annoyed if people didn't respond to end didn't show up, but not responding and showing up is just beyond...

Why?
The caterers always make extra food.

amother

Cyclamen

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 4:36 pm

I always respond if I’m going and try my best to respond if I’m not going too. I live in a small community where making weddings is expensive so most people make them in the tristate area and don’t get invited to many weddings.

amother

Lemonlime ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 6:24 pm

I haven't seen a reply card in years! But I always reply by email/text/whatsapp, whether I'm coming or not. I don't always reply immediately, sometimes I wait until I know I have a babysitter.

amother

Crimson

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 11:24 pm

LadyGodiva wrote:

Why?
The caterers always make extra food.

you pay per table so if they need to open a table for you it costs a pretty penny

singleagain ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 11:39 pm

I have unintentionally put the wedding invite without opening it down and it gets covered up by other things. And then out of sight out of mind and I forget .. Once or twice I may have even forgot about the wedding in total.

Also how far in advance are we talking?

amother

Hosta

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 11:50 pm

I just call/message the bal simcha sometimes. Is that ok? My sibling is getting married and they were told no one does cards anymore… it’s all digital now anyways.

amother

↑ Honeydew

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 11:56 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

you pay per table so if they need to open a table for you it costs a pretty penny

Nothing to do with $$.

Sometimes it's just not possible to pull an extra table out in middle of an affair!

↑ LadyGodiva

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 12:26 am

amother Crimson wrote:

you pay per table so if they need to open a table for you it costs a pretty penny

I made a few weddings and we did not pay per table.
We gave a number of guests we estimated would come.
There's no way to know for sure anyway.
People think they'll attend and then something comes up... or they're not sure, and they end up attending.

Though I do feel bad for OP, since obviously in her community response cards are sent and expected to be returned.
It could be that people are not sending back because of the holidays.
It's a hard time of year to be planning a wedding.

Elfrida

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 1:34 am

amother OP wrote:

If you sent it out about a month ago, people got it shortly before Rosh HaShana, and probably anything after the chagim felt so far away that they couldn't properly plan. Or else they were so busy with Yom Tov preparations that it somehow got put aside for later. There's a good chance that you'll get some more replies after the chagim are over, but it's awkward timing. You might have to call people, or send an email to remind them (politely) that you are waiting for an answer.

amother

Moonstone

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:51 am

Sometimes the timing is difficult like over tishrei. People are packing, traveling, cooking, hosting. It arrives on an inopportune day and gets by the wayside.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:57 am

I never did.

Then I made a simcha and saw how appreciated each response card.

Bn I am going to make an effort to reply going forward.

We paid per person so had to make assumptions about each person who didn't answer. It was bh a very nice simcha, but there were absolutely no leftovers in the kitchen.