When do Jewish mommies rest?

amother

Yesterday at 1:50 pm

(Stream of conscience )

Wake up at 6am, BH” the kids are still sleeping! Normally I don’t even get this time for myself. Make some brachos, pretend to exercise , make a coffee. If I lie on a mat, it counts as yoga.
Baby wakes up . He’s been sick for a week, so we’re going to the doctor. Toddler wakes up. BH,BH,BH” we discovered reusable dress up stickers last week! This gives me about half an hour without her clinging to me or climbing on me to nurse her baby brother. She doesn’t want to eat breakfast. Fine, whatever, she’ll eat when she’s hungry. (Seriously these stickers are a nes !

I text some yuntiff guests. I receive some yuntiff invites. BH”. I write everything in my planner so I don’t get mixed up. I am already mixed up. How many candles do I need?

And how is the house so messy? The cleaner was here yesterday??

Somehow it’s time to go to the doctor already . We can stop at the store for fish. I hate cooking fish .we are going to buy frozen fish . DH is makpid on fish. It takes me a full hour to get my toddler to use the potty and get dressed and get the baby out the door. Now we don’t have time for fish.
We stop at the atm. I draw out 200 dollars. I check my balance. BH it hasn’t gone down! Hasn’t gone up either , but ….

We get to the doctor.
“You don’t have health insurance” they tell me about thirty seven times during the check in process.

Do they think I don’t know? I know.

“I’m locked in a battle of will with medicaid” I tell them.

“They can’t see you.” Registration tells me

“I’ll just pay now,” I say
Resigned myself to never getting that honeymoon. It doesn’t matter. I work full time I guess for this.

They have to check with the doctor.
The doctor has common sense. He tells them of course he has to see my sick baby.

Do I want a Covid test?
That costs extra.
Do I want a flu test?
That also costs extra.
Do I want an rsv test?
That also cost extra.
My baby has a terrible cough. This happens every time he gets sick. His sister also has a terrible cough. But his is truly alarming. HaShem decided that the only way this kid was ever going to get the kind of (worried) attention I give his high needs sister is with lungs made of tissue paper.

I do not want any of these extra tests.

It’s bronchiolitis, of course. It’s always bronchiolitis. He also has a double ear infection. That’s a new one.
We get antibiotics. My toddler is very excited because they are bright pink. She was very very good at the doctors. One of her funnier features is how well behaved she is in doctors offices, grocery stores, and any area with a waiting room. We go to the store to get frozen fish.
My toddler requests cookies.
This request has been going on for a few days. I’ve been putting it off.
Well make cookies at home for sukkos, I tell her.
She is not quite three. These words do not make sense. I buy her off with rice cakes. She’s still a cheap date. Baby is cranky. He tries to run out the door while I am at checkout.
“You weren’t going to college, anyway,” I tell them while the cashier rings up our purchases. I’ve already made that joke five times today. You can tell I’m BT. I should have told them they weren’t going to yeshivah/ seminary and…. Yes they are. Don’t ask me how, ok. They’re babies. Moshiach should come by them, please HaShem because I can’t figure that out.

SNAP covers all my purchases. Even the premade sushi which is going to save me from having to make fish. And the chag candle? I am shocked. BH”, a true nes gadol haya po.

My toddler was given a lollipop by the nice lady at checkout last time we were here and she remembers. She asked for “pink candy” . Her efforts were rebuffed. She had been so good at the doctors, and so good at the grocery store. She ran out of good. There was an epic tantrum for pink candy. I think I did a good job of walking out of the store calmly with her. It wasn’t her fault. She was just done being good.

There was suprise chocolate in my car which I gave her and the baby after the doctor. She changed her request to chocolate when she remembered the chocolate. But she wan table to regulate.
“No chocolate if you scream,” I said eight million times.
We got home. I gave the baby his medicine and nursed him . She ate a yogurt. She was disappointed to find there was no chocolate in the yogurt. She ate a few bites. Whatever.

My baby has taken apart the project my toddler made in playgroup for our sukkah, trying to eat the tiny plastic beads and laughing. I pull one out of his mouth while changing his diaper. He makes a chewing face. There cannot possibly be more beads in there I just had my fingers in there.
There were more beads.
He laughs and hands one to me

I put the baby in his crib to nap.
We started to make our sukkos cookies.
The toddler decided to help.
This ended with a broken glass on the floor.
We need less glass dishware in my house.
The cookies were not going well.
I shouldn’t have tried to make the recipe pareve. They are looking like flat pancakes. I put them all in a bowl together. Maybe they can make a cake….

It’s three o’clock.

Someone calls me.
It’s someone trying to do a a survey on my toddlers sleep study.
Do I have time to answer a satisfaction survey? I can’t get paid until I do?
Fine, why not ?
I also have an exit interview on the topic at five.
“I’m tired,” my toddler tells me.
Fine. I need her to take a nap anyway. I need a break. It’s 4:00.
“You need to go potty first, or I have to put on a pull up.” I tell her.
“Pull-up” she says.
That was not the choice I expected. I make her go potty anyway. She falls right asleep. She is not supposed to sleep this late in the day.
.
The sleep study people would not be happy.

This will mess up her sleep. But it’s not a school night and I don’t care. I need a break from crying and whining.

This survey is taking entirely too long.

I’ll get another fifty dollars for finishing this study.

When she wakes up I am going to try to take her to the pool. She needs the sensory therapy. I am doing the whole thing myself because insurance. Doesn’t. Cover. Anything. But I need my husband to get home and watch the baby.

I need this woman to get off the phone. Her survey is wasting my entire child free time.

Oh BH” she hung up.

The cookies have turned into a warm gooey bowl of pumpkin spice. They are so good. I cannot serve these to guests I don’t think. This is literally a hot mess.

Somehow this will negatively affect my children’s shidduch status.

The side of my face hurts because, why not? My lymph nodes are swollen because why not? It is best if we just ignore that symptom. What if I just don’t answer the phone for the next survey?
Is it really worth the fifty dollars (it is)?

I’m going back to reading my rebbetzin biography.

I want to hear how they lived on zero money in yerushalayim her husband studied Torah all night and day and they didn’t worry about things like not having enough money to get their kids sensory issues dealt with or not sleeping all night.
Maybe I don’t have enough emunah?
Maybe I should live more simply and not have bought my kids yuntiff outfits? I definitely shouldn’t have bought myself new outfits, right?

Gosh no wonder moshiach hasn’t come with my materialistic ways.

However I will say something in my defense and it is this. If you don’t think I’m crazy yet you will now. I really really want another baby. But I’m self aware enough to know that the timing is not good. I’ve been buying myself clothes that I absolutely won’t fit into when pregnant to stave things off. It’s not a budget friendly solution. But neither is getting pregnant without medical care…

I can’t decide whether to let myself off the hook or not .

It’s 4:45.

My baby wakes up and cries.
I decide to see if he will go back to sleep…

BH” he does

My stomach hurts probably from eating semi baked pumpkin spice cookie goo.

In case anyone was wondering why I got to bed with my toddler.

It’s been a day.
Actually, I will go to bed before my toddler because she napped at three pm.

Maybe tatty will take her to minyan.
I hate it when he does that. It makes it look like I can’t even handle two children?)

Serious question—
How does anyone handle more than two children?

BH” she is weirdly good in adult spaces.

She might as well be the minyan mascot at this point. Except, you know, she is a girl.
My husband thinks it is a point of pride.

I just think it makes everyone judge me more.

I’m going to sleep with my kids. This sleep intervention can wait.

Oh wait no I’m not.

I hear my toddler sobbing.

I think she had a nightmare.

See: my first question