Dealing with teenage boys after SA history

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 1:33 am

I was mildly abused as a child (a teenage male cousin told me and showed me stuff including him doing stuff to himself when I was only about 6 years old).

I had to do a lot of work to not see DH's urges as something inherently evil, and I'm still triggered by some things.

I am terrified of my boys reaching puberty, and I only have a couple of years left. I am terrified of dealing with wet dreams and them having troubles with self pleasure and seeing my precious sons facing this challenge. My husband keeps trying to tell me it will definitely be an issue but also that it's ok. I just wish it would go away. I'm also scared that one of my sons will end up gay because he has been very feminine since toddlerhood. The whole idea of s-xuality is so scary to me altogether.

I've been to therapy but it never really helped me move past this. I really I think it would help me more to hear how other people have dealt with this or things they have heard that helped them...

amother

Poinsettia

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 1:38 am

I’m sorry for your pain. There are materials out there today about when and how to speak with your boys about their maturing bodies and s-xuality. My sons learned how to do laundry around puberty so I didn’t need to worry about wet dreams. One child voluntarily went to therapy to deal with thoughts about girls. Each child is different. Try go with the flow (easier said than done, I know).

amother

Wine

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 1:54 am

Wet dreams are NORMAL and don’t mean that the boy is s-exual or whatever. It took me a while to realize that. From my experience listening to DH he says actually it’s very not pleasant experience and hates if the bed is soiled. He said that it’s not zxual in nature for him and I believe it. it’s more of the body clearing up s-perm. That’s my experience.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 2:06 am

amother Wine wrote:

That doesn't help me -of course they can be s-xual, and the idea that s-xuality is normal is what I need to deal with. I imagine many males sometimes get to the stage of having a wet dream after being uncomfortable in the days/weeks/months leading up to it due to lack of s-xual activity, even if the dream itself isn't always s-xual. And we want our boys to have a healthy drive for the future, right? That is davka the difficult part. Accepting that and navigating it.