If I had the money I’d give it to SAHM

amother

Purple

Sat, Oct 12 2024, 10:18 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

No ones asking sahm moms to watch other people’s kids they are asking parents who get a tuition break to find other non financial ways to give back to the yeshiva that will either save the yeshiva $$ or make it easier for those paying to continue to do so. Lets not take this out of context

The assumption that sahm are not paying full tuition is ridiculous. sahm I would assume probably have husbands in high earning fields. They are the ones who supported their husband's through law shool/ med school so they can pay in full

amother

Royalblue

Sat, Oct 12 2024, 10:44 pm

OddoneOut1 wrote:

This is a portion of the attitude that I think OP is referring to. Why do people assume working moms are doing the same plus more as SAHM??? If someone is watching their children 24/7- that is constant entertaining, activities, outings, that working moms outsource by leaving their children at daycare or babysitters. And oftentimes the SAHM are outsourcing less -cleaning help, prepared foods
Neither are easy but you can’t say the working mom is doing everything and more- child care all day is EXHAUSTING

There is no blanket rule, there are SAHM and working moms who outsource help and babysitting and who don’t. I know a bunch of SAHMs who have full time cleaning help and child care and literally complain all day about having to pick up their kids from school and cook dinner and the kids are so hard and life is so hard. Some working moms can’t afford as much hired help as SAHMs can, myself included. I have some hired cleaning help and kids are in childcare but I do run my house with little support. And it is hard to have sympathy for people complaining that they can’t pay their bills as a SAHM. It’s hard to have sympathy for people complaining about how busy they are when they’re a SAHM mom with full time help

amother

Violet

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 1:20 am

amother Petunia wrote:

How's about I work with a baby? Till it's not possible anymore. (Usually till baby is a year or so, some kids older) Plus for wtvr SAHM does....
I also know plenty of SAHM that give their kids out to a sitter and have lots of cleaning help...

This. I don’t have an axe to grind here because I myself am a SAHM. Most I know still have cleaning help, send their kids to daycare etc. it’s not even that though. It’s the endless appts. When you work outside the home you can’t just book appts for whenever without thinking carefully about scheduling. That alone makes me so grateful for being able to be a SAHM. then there’s the laundry and cooking which are all still waiting at home to be done when the mom walks in the door from work. All those jobs don’t go away.

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 3:18 am

Don't want to respond to the entire thread, but the "I do it so you should also be able to do it" attitude is dangerous.

Each wife, mother, husband, children, family is a complete story in and of itself with multiple considerations and variables.

There are many things that I do or have done that I don't necessarily believe everyone can do. And there are things that many others do regularly that I find too difficult to do myself.

Would we want to encourage the attitude that "so many women have double digit children, if you claim you can't you are just being lazy"? Or "plenty of women have spotless houses and gourmet dinners without household help, you could too"? Or "for centuries women have gone back out to work in the field right after giving birth, you shouldn't need any help postpartum"?

Whether you are a SAHM or a WAHM or a working mother, you know your situation and your abilities better than anyone else. You know why you made the decisions you made. But that doesn't translate into deciding that someone who doesn't have the same stamina or options or abilities as you is being lazy, having poor priorities, or any other judgment call.

amother

Bluebonnet

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 3:25 am

amother Petunia wrote:

Exactly. Most sahms are not home with 3 kids, cooking and cleaning all day. Some are even home with no kids.

Yes, some may spend more hours on childcare each day than a working mom, but when posters say they do what a sahm does plus work, they mean cook dinner, groceries, laundry, appointments, errands, clean the house, make YT etc.

It really shouldn’t be a contest, people just get up in arms about this cuz it’s a super touchy subject on both sides. Hello, mommy guilt.

amother

Aster

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 6:53 am

amother Beige wrote:

Emotionally healthy moms, babies and kids are a luxury? Not in MY book.

Thank you! I’m a SAHM and not living “in luxury” we are very modest and I scrap and save to be able to live this way. And I’ve gotten comments from ppl like “maybe if you were working you wouldn’t have to shop sales”. We have our priorities straight!! I’m not doing this bc it’s a luxury for me. Thank you.