My daughter's morah made me feel like a nobody...

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Oct 01 2008, 6:15 pm

I would love it if someone had something on this "BT pathology" (forgot wording) to share. I would love to bring it to the preschool where my children are. Has anything been written about this in print? If it hasn't, would anyone mind publishing something like this in Mishpacha or Binah? Even a letter to the editor would be better received than a parent's crying discrimination.

mumoo

Wed, Oct 01 2008, 10:56 pm

Little Engine wrote:

Is it possible that she just knew some of the other parents from before, perhaps because she taught siblings

yes, of course, that's possible and we should all be dan lcaf zchus

and what is the teachers achrayus?????
she should be aware that her actions affect other people and their feelings and behave accordingly. Is there a parent who comes in the room looking timid? Go up to her and greet her! Is there a parents who is new to the school- or who the teacher has not met before? Go over and introduce yourself!

The teacher is the one whom the parents know will be with their child for up to 8 hours a day. The teacher should give them a break and reassure them she is worthy of the job- that is if she is

Oh back to the parent's part: allow that she is human and missed a couple cues in your case. Call her or make an appointment to discuss your child. Then you will have more info with which to form an opinion about her middos.

Tefila

Wed, Oct 01 2008, 11:06 pm

On the flip side as a teacher I sometimes get the feeling from a parent, one in particular. Confused

My theory is this as long as you are doing your job as best as you can you cannot please all the people all of the time, there is always going to be that one two or perhaps three who you won't be able to relate too.
Why let it get to you trust me in most normal settings the teacher will not hold it out on the kid so take her with a grain of salt and don't let her make u feel like 2 cents, after all who is she anyways?

ValleyMom

Sun, Oct 26 2008, 4:39 am

The only person who can "make" you feel like a "nobody" is y-o-u! Your feelings are just that--YOUR feelings. Don't ever let anyone make you feel less than. You are exactly where you are supposed to be in life. We are not running the show is--Hashem is. Perhaps the teacher was rude or not terribly mature. A seasoned teacher would make every single child (and parent) feel welcome. Perhaps Hashem placed you in this particular class with this particular teacher for a reason. Your job is to nourish and encourage your child to be the best s/he can be, despite the fact that teacher may very well be mediocre. Empower your children to value themselves as people. Never let others dictate how you feel about yourself. You are a VIP in my book!! :-)

shosh

Sun, Oct 26 2008, 5:12 am

You know, I often get this feeling as a single mother. Somehow, whatever my kids do, it's always because of the situation. And I get told, "Kids in a normal family do x," which really puts my back up. (Then, I retorted, "We are a normal family. We're a normal family who has been going through a hard time. Why aren't we normal???")

Another example is when my dd forgot her pencil case for a few days in a row, the teacher gave her another one. Although that's nice of her, I'd have preferred a note asking why she hadn't brought it. But the assumption is that the poor old nebbech who is supporting these kids on her own couldn't afford to buy one. I know I'm being overly sensitive, but I just can't stand the assumption all the time that we're nebbech. Like the day when my dd forgot her sandwich and then I was discreetly asked if we have bread ... and I could go on and on.

Tell me I'm wrong, oversensitive etc, but it hurts, and almost three years into this situation, I just wish pple could be understanding when it is necessary and know when to leave well alone when it's not.

bandcm

Sun, Oct 26 2008, 5:30 pm

Shosh, you sound like a very strong, put-together single mother, but the reality is that often mothers in your situation do need that extra sensitivity, or the school to care a little more about the childrens well-being.
On the general topic, as a teacher, I have often felt at-odds or just uncomfortable with some of the parents, but I can say with certainty that this never filtered down to the kids. I think that any sensible adult will not make children the scapegoats, even subconsciously, of their parents.

↑ amother

Sun, Oct 26 2008, 5:46 pm

I'm the OP, and I had forgotten about this thread until I saw it pop up on the "recently-added-to" list. I just wanted to say that b"H my worrying was for nothing, dd is very happy in this morah's class. (I think Fox's advice was spot-on. On the first day of school, the morah saw me shmoozing with the principal (whom I'm very friendly with) and her whole expression changed. It was almost funny! She suddenly had a warm and welcoming expression and greeted me nicely. LOL

So maybe something like that would work for you, Shosh? Have someone the morah respects tell her how put-together you are? Worth a try, anyway. Confused