Are we the only ones who never have guests?

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:09 am

Besides for immediate family?
We are both not comfortable having strangers in our home and at our meals. We do feel we're yotzei the Mitzvah of hachnoses orchim with our immediate family (parents, in laws, siblings, married children). Sometimes on this site I feel like we're the only ones.

Ruchel

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:24 am

Naaaah irl most people only have close family, or sometimes more distant if they're coming from afar / SIMCHA

We hold the mitzva is someone who is hungry, and feeding him. We bh don't really have this case, in our community, and there is no way we would turn down this person.

Also there's the mitzva of mental health and safety (in the case of sleeping guests).

We prefer seeing people outside, and not being trapped with people. Yes, we are aware of people who had horror experiences, and personally "just" experienced judgment or people not getting when to leave or breaking stuff in our home.

We plan to have bh our married children and grandchildren sleep here. My mom sleeps here when she wants. That's it.

amother

Ebony

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:26 am

We don’t even have family it’s too hard. This site is everyone showing the face they choose to show. Often it’s a made up perfect story. It’s so easy to live a fantasy life behind the screen and get positive responses to your perfect fake life. Don’t take the posts so seriously.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:38 am

It’s important to me and my DH
I grew up and orphan and we were both older singles
So we both know how important it is.
Couples who are a pressure we don’t have that often
But older singles and people who need a meal we try to have.

We have for meals only
Family or pple we trust for sleeping

cnc

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:40 am

amother Khaki wrote:

Same. We have an open house for eating.
We barely have guests for sleeping, when we do it's close family or friends.

bigsis144

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:41 am

Non-family guests for a Shabbos/yom tov meal a few times a year, maximum. My ND kids don’t do well with guests, and I’m usually tired out by Shabbos and making extremely minimal, simple fare.

Family lives far away, so they have to sleep at our house to see us over Shabbos. That’s also very hard on my big AuDHD kids, but it’s very important for me to see my siblings and my kids who *do* like having cousins over to see their family. So that’s usually over longer weekends like Thanksgiving or Memorial Day, or a yomtov like Shmini Atzeres/Simchas Torah.

Last edited by bigsis144 on Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:42 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:48 am

I grew up having guests - random people my parents collected. My parents are shluchim but not Chabad House shluchim, however through their work we often had guests. Usually single or elderly lonely people.

We didn't have extended family around to invite us or invite.

We run a Chabad house so have guests most meals. Sometimes huge meals we host in our Chabad House, other times smaller numbers at home.

Honestly living far from my family yom tov would be miserable if we ate all the meals alone.

I do try and keep a couple of meals guest free but its very very rare we never have anyone at all.

amother

Melon

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:49 am

I have family a few times a year and other guests even less frequently.

But growing up we had at least two guests per shabbos on average. Many times 2 Fri night and 4 shabbos day.

I grew up attending a kiruv shul, and at the end of davening, they'd announce whoever needs hosting should please come up and anyone who wants guests should please come up. We got lots of guests that way.

If you recognize which shul that is, hi!

amother

Sand ↓

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:54 am

BH we live in a very small space so hosting can very challenging but more importantly for us: our kids don’t enjoy it. they want us to give them our attention. they are our priority so we rarely host but that may change as they get older

kenz

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:54 am

amother Melon wrote:

Thats so nice.

amother

Pistachio

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 11:54 am

amother OP wrote:

We don’t have so much immediate family. We are Bts living in a kiruv community far away from our original families.

We host other such families and singles otherwise it’s really lonely.

I know it’s totally not an authentic frum lifestyle when people are hosted well into their 30-s.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 12:34 pm

And I live in Baltimore and rarely have guests, rarely am invited out. Part of it is my personality (I'm an introvert, so being a host/guest tires me out, leaving me with less energy for my kids for the rest of Shabbos), part of it is my stage of life (B"H very busy with everyone's needs and right now my main chessed is for my kids, and they require a lot of attention), and part of it is my hashkafa (I have several teenagers of one gender, and I know they'd feel uncomfortable at a meal that included teenagers of the opposite gender).

I've occasionally attempted to have over individuals rather than families, both because they sidestep some of these problems and because it's a chessed and not just a social opportunity, like a single woman we used to live near, a single relative who lives nearby, a single friend of dh's, an older couple on our block...but it never works out. And I've only had two invites from neighbors that I can remember in the past five years or so. Which makes sense, we have BH a large brood and it would hard to cook for so many of us.

We do have relatives over, especially from out of town. I push myself those weeks, and my kids love being with their cousins/grandparents, so even if their mommy is a bit overwhelmed, it's a net positive result for them.

amother

Chambray

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 12:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Same

We occasionally have singles or newlyweds, and if we’re asked to host we usually agree

I don’t go out of my comfort zone to invite families over,

We see random friends at shul or the playground, we’re not schmoozy types and I was raised just having my grandparents, extended family for shabbos and yomtov…

You do what you’re comfortable with.

No there’s plenty families like you😊

amother

Daisy

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 1:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes we also don’t. We live in Israel. We are both introverts and appreciate being alone

amother

White

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 1:06 pm

We rarely have even have family. I stopped hosting during the corona era, then had chronic illness, and basically gave up except the occasional meal which left me exhausted. I get so spaced out during the meal it's embarrassing, I forget everything and can't hold conservation properly. I miss the days of fancy meals and lots of guests.