"You think you're better than everyone"

amother

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 4:43 pm

My 6 year old son is complaining of boys making fun of him. He spoke to his Rebbi and apparently it was bad enough that some of the boys lost recess. The issue is that it's getting worse and it's more boys, one thing they said was "You think you're better than everyone" and I'm trying to figure out how to explain to my son that they have a point without making him feel like he deserved being hurt. He's exceptionally bright and does often come across as a know it all. He's quick to correct others behaviors and that's something we're working on at home. What do you suggest I tell him? Should I just not say anything about that and keep addressing it in the context of our family, as in the way he interacted with siblings, or should I tell him that I think they're saying that because of the way he acts? He's very sensitive and feels rejection very deeply so I don't want to risk him taking it too seriously and feeling like there's something wrong with him

michimochi

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 5:12 pm

Maybe frame it instead of about him as about the other lids whose feelings are getting hurt. Tell him people are sensitive about their mistakes and it can hurt their feleings to tell them what they do wrong. It's true, even for adults. Maybe hekp him come up with a way to know when it is ok to correct someone and when it wouldmhurt their feelings? Maybe use the same guidelines as for adults: Is the person your friend? Do they want to be corrected? etc

amother

Peach

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 5:22 pm

If he's open to listening you can talk to him about being a good friend in a different conversation. About how being a show off, bragging, tattling, criticizing, one upping and putting other kids down is not being a good friend. And that if he wants kids to like him and be his friend he needs to keep those thoughts in his head.

Discuss ideas of things he *can* say to other kids that are considered being a good friend and will make kids like him ie, giving compliments, asking questions about them, what they like, etc

amother

Thistle

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 5:30 pm

The best way for him not to take it personally is for him to realize that it's nothing about him. It's entirely about his behavior. When he corrects other people. This is the impression they get and this is why they're rejecting him. If he changes his behavior they will stop because there's nothing essentially wrong with him.

If he can understand this conversation, it's the kindest thing you can do for him.

amother

Broom

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 9:18 pm

I once explained to my teenage daughter why she was having difficulty with relationships. She never forgave me for what I said. She’s in her thirties and she still brings it up. Please, whatever you say, do it really gently and prepare the words ahead of time. It’s so difficult.

amother

Snowdrop

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 9:36 pm

This is typical of gifted kids.

You need to teach him to value other people for their gifts. To focus on what's special in other people. The best way of teaching this is by personal example. Discuss at home how you admire so and so for x, and Mrs A for y. Show a genuine ahavas yisrael for other people. Take the focus off "being clever" or "being quick" and focus on good middos. He'll pick it up.

At the same time, you could show him how sometimes he likes to do things his own way even if it's not the "right" way of doing things and suggest that he shouldn't correct or help other people with what they're doing without first asking them if they want/need help. And never to criticise.

amother

Cyclamen

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 11:21 pm

Some children are exceptionally bright and other kids get jealous of it. Since they are 6 and maturity is low at this age in general, you can explain to your son that he is very bright and that's very special and unfortunately some kids feel bad about themselves when they see something they don't have. And that him being smart is nothing to be ashamed about, and he shouldn't feel bad that the other kids wish they were like him. But he should be aware that in life this happens a lot, many times others will be jealous about what they don't have. The most important thing is to not let your son's self esteem go away because of other kids or even teachers not being able to handle his giftedness.

amother

Lightpink

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 1:09 am

Explain that many people take a correctjon as an insult, even if the corrector didnt mean it that way. Explain to him gently that it's more important to be nice than to be right and roleplay which situations are ok to correct someone and which situations it is better not to, and when in doubt, don't correct.

amother

Azure

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 1:12 am

amother Broom wrote:

What was it?