Not invited to my brother's Shabbos Sheva berochos...

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:47 am

amother Burgundy wrote:

The people whose business it is (bride, groom, parents in both sides) seem very okay with it. This is the compromise they worked out. The siblings need to take a step back. It is not their place to " offer ways to work it out"

My mother is upset too but she's not going to cause machlokos. She wants us there.

amother

↑ Molasses ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:48 am

amother OP wrote:

My mother is upset too but she's not going to cause machlokos. She wants us there.

Unless your parents offer to pay for the hall so everyone can fit?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:49 am

amother Mustard wrote:

Good for the other side for staying within their budget. Would it be better they collect charity so you can be invited?

No of course not but to have the aunts, uncles, niece's and nephews for BOTH meals and us siblings for non at all isn't really acceptable in my opinion.. You make it work. This isn't the norm in my community. She's their only daughter so yes you go into debt if you have to, to keep up with the norms. And if we came from out of town and didn't have where to eat , then yes they would need to accommodate whatever that looks like. Being squashed or them hiring a hall and going into debt. We're all going to get our turns iyH.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:51 am

amother Molasses wrote:

Unless your parents offer to pay for the hall so everyone can fit?

She's not offering to do that so I guess she won't have any of us there Sad

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:52 am

amother Molasses wrote:

Are your parents hosting all the other side siblings with their kids for the Shabbos Auf ruf in a hall?

Not the other side, and not in a hall.
In their house iyH , all of us children and grandchildren.

amother

↑ Molasses ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:53 am

amother OP wrote:

She's not offering to do that so I guess she won't have any of us there Sad

So it isn’t worth it for your mother to pay extra to have her kids there why should it be worth it for the other side.

Your parents aren’t even inviting their side to the auf ruf.

That is standard also.

Maybe they figured if you aren’t inviting they don’t need to invite.

You want them to pay extra to just you buy you aren’t paying extra to host them for auf ruf.

amother

↑ Midnight ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:53 am

amother OP wrote:

Your being ridiculous no one should go into debt over Sheva brachos. Please stop being so judgmental!

SuperWify ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:53 am

Didn’t read the whole thread. It’s not ok. Siblings come first. Don’t understand those that are defending the girls parents. I’m sorry- that really hurts!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:54 am

amother Molasses wrote:

So it isn’t worth it for your mother to pay extra to have her kids there why should it be worth it for the other side.

It's not about being worth it. It's about the done thing.

amother

↑ Molasses ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:54 am

SuperWify wrote:

Didn’t read the whole thread. It’s not ok. Siblings come first. Don’t understand those that are defending the girls parents. I’m sorry- that really hurts!

They aren’t inviting the other side to auf ruf that is standard too.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:55 am

SuperWify wrote:

Didn’t read the whole thread. It’s not ok. Siblings come first. Don’t understand those that are defending the girls parents. I’m sorry- that really hurts!

Thank you. I agree but we seem to be in minority. Either way I can't help being upset. I won't be going or causing a rift Chas vesholom.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:56 am

amother OP wrote:

Not the other side, and not in a hall.
In their house iyH , all of us children and grandchildren.

Ah, so it's ok for your parents to do this?

FTR we were invited along with our single and married couple to my 2nd SIL's Aufruf. And grandparents. They offered to put us up for the whole Shabbos. Ladies and Men's kiddush, all meals, etc....

I'm not saying anyone has to do that. But if you are expecting standard for Shabbos Sheva Brachos, this is standard for Aufruf.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:57 am

amother Molasses wrote:

They aren’t inviting the other side to auf ruf that is standard too.

No it's not sorry. Not in our circles.
The kiddush is a town kiddush , for anyone besides there kalla obviously!
They're not doing for women which my mother thinks is fine, and people have done that here where we live. It's like half and half. Some do for both men and women, some just for men.

amother

↑ Mustard ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:58 am

amother OP wrote:

Not the other side, and not in a hall.
In their house iyH , all of us children and grandchildren.

So it's ok for you not to invite them but they have to invite you?

Op you need to find something else to complain about especially on erev rosh hashana. You are completely wrong and so ridiculous that you think they should go in debt for your family.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:58 am

Chayalle wrote:

It's the first I've heard of it
Fwiw the chosson's side usually travel for an aufruf, not the kalla's but in some communities maybe they do this. Not in ours. Plus the kalla's family live in the same place as us.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 7:59 am

amother Mustard wrote:

You just put me down on erev Rosh Hashono.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 8:00 am

amother Mustard wrote:

Sounds like OP is in circles where the Kallah's side is expected to shoulder all expenses and go into debt, and the Chosson's side gets away scot free and is wined and dined.

↑ SuperWify ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 8:01 am

amother Molasses wrote:

They aren’t inviting the other side to auf ruf that is standard too.

Nah. An aufruf is usually just a Kiddush for the chasson and anyone can walk over. A Shabbos Sheva Brachos is for the couple once they are married. A whole Shabbos. Yes, the whole immediate family on both sides should participate before any extended Aunts. Otherwise it feels like- my side and her side and not very United.

On imamother people love vilifying op. It’s very easy to do this behind amother. But if this happened in real life to you, you would be scandalized and hurt. Admit it.

↑ watergirl ↓

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 8:02 am

amother OP wrote:

ok I'm sorry, I can't believe I'm reading this. I have to bow out of the thread because I thought I was talking to a reasonable person but now I see I'm not.

Go into DEBT to keep up with a community norm? Seriously? I can't believe this.

You can go, sit, eat cholent and kugel and know the family will be paying interest for years so you can sit there? For a norm?

Kudos to the hosts for doing what they can do and not kowtowing to whatever the community demands.