Calling experienced moms of teen boys

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 6:49 am

Please give me your best advice for raising teen/tween boys. It feels like I’m learning a new language.
With the girls it’s familiar territory. I can anticipate what comes next. But with my boys each stage catches me by surprise.
Please share tips, tricks, and anything else useful TIA.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 6:58 am

JLi wrote:

Feed them!!!

It's totally normal to heat up chicken past 10pm...

I have picky eaters! Does that go away eventually when they get hungry enough? Or am I destined to be a specialty chef forever?

amother

IndianRed ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 7:14 am

Daven
They are always starving. Even picky eaters are starving. They are just picky AND starving.
Boys are just as hormonal as girls. Don't let it get to you. It's not them, it's their hormones.
Enjoy them! As much as I tear my hair out, when things are calm, it's so nice to shmooze with these young men who have suddenly sprouted with their growly voices and prickly chins.
Boys are small men. They need space to mark their territory and to feel independent. If you're wise, you'll find ways to give them that space before they take it by force.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 7:19 am

amother IndianRed wrote:

What does that mean in reality, marking territory? And at what age does that start?

amother

Violet

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:14 am

Don’t want to hijack the thread but does anyone else have the issue of getting their teenage sons up in the morning?

He is constantly missing the bus and then we have to drive him. Last year we made him pay for a car service when he missed it but it didn’t help at all he just paid a fortune for car services.

We tried giving him gifts, money etc if he makes it but he eventually stops again.

Any imas on here with some experience?

Thansk

essie14 ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:27 am

food, food, and more food. Groceries disappear before you can turn around. Leftovers don't last til the morning, forget about the next night. Just keep buying and cooking.

We dealt with a lot of "know it all"-ness. I just nod and smile. There's no use in arguing when they think they know everything. It calms down a bit when they reach their 20s.

amother

Salmon ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:31 am

amother OP wrote:

Whatever you taught them till now they may decide the opposite is true.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:44 am

essie14 wrote:

Does that come along with a lot of weight gain? Is that normal? For previously skinny kids to fill out?

keym ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:48 am

amother OP wrote:

Does that come along with a lot of weight gain? Is that normal? For previously skinny kids to fill out?

From age 10-13, my boys all gained a lot of weight. Didn't stop eating. Not even junk.
Chicken, cheese, fish, whole wheat sandwiches.
And then from 13-17, they stretch.

One son gained 45 lbs from 10-13 but grew 2 inches
The next 4 years, he gained maybe 15 pounds but grew 11 inches.
Now, they're decent height/weight proportion and still don't stop eating.

↑ essie14

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:52 am

amother OP wrote:

Does that come along with a lot of weight gain? Is that normal? For previously skinny kids to fill out?

We had the opposite. My previously chunky kids all had growth spurts and got slimmer. They also got very into fitness and working out in their upper teens.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:54 am

keym wrote:

This is helpful thanks! DS11 is definitely eating more than he did previously but not crazy amounts like you and other posters describe. I’m just thrown that he’s filling up his clothes suddenly! Like in the width! I’ve been taking in everything until now.

amother

Copper

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:57 am

amother OP wrote:

Does that come along with a lot of weight gain? Is that normal? For previously skinny kids to fill out?

Not necessarily.
they usually grow upwards!!!
The year of his bar mitzvah my oldest son switched suit sizes every 3 months!
As far as waking up in the morning it's more a question of motivation. If a kid doesn't want to wake up, he just won't!
Does he like yeshiva? Does he want to wake up? Ask him would a bribe/prize work? If yes which one? Ask how rebbi to paise him when he shows up on time.
Celebrate small accomplishments!
Make family siyumim every time there's an occasion to do so!
Encourage your DH to play sports with your teenage son, it's a great bonding experience and super important!(Even if your DH is "not the type"!!!)

amother

↑ IndianRed ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 9:00 am

Marking territory means that they need to feel they have space where they rule. It can be their bed, their room and they may mark it by leaving a mess but it's a very real need. The more you leave it to them, the more likely they are to take care of it.

It starts different for each kid - somewhere between 10 and 14.

If your son is 11, then you haven't really hit puberty at all yet. With boys it tends to be between 13 and 16 that they get all hormonal and teenagerish. They grow a lot, they eat a ton, voice changes, behavior changes, they are more physical.

About getting up in the morning - its a well known scientifically proven phenomena that with puberty the internal clock can go haywire and the kid who always got up early suddenly starts oversleeping, staying up late. Do your best with it but ultimately it's his problem not yours.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 9:12 am

amother Violet wrote:

I have found that this happens if their schedule doesn't allow enough time for a sleep or if they stay up late not thinking at all about how much sleep their body needs.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 9:13 am

amother IndianRed wrote:

Marking territory means that they need to feel they have space where they rule. It can be their bed, their room and they may mark it by leaving a mess but it's a very real need. The more you leave it to them, the more likely they are to take care of it.

It starts different for each kid - somewhere between 10 and 14.

If your son is 11, then you haven't really hit puberty at all yet. With boys it tends to be between 13 and 16 that they get all hormonal and teenagerish. They grow a lot, they eat a ton, voice changes, behavior changes, they are more physical.

About getting up in the morning - it’s a well known scientifically proven phenomena that with puberty the internal clock can go haywire and the kid who always got up early suddenly starts oversleeping, staying up late. Do your best with it but ultimately it's his problem not yours.

I know we haven’t hit hardcore puberty yet. But still there are so many times when I’m at a loss and questioning myself, second-guessing my decisions, and really just am not as confident in parenting him as I am with my girls. I feel like I just don’t know what he needs from me and as soon as I figure it out it changes.

amother

Springgreen

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 9:19 am

amother OP wrote:

It's so interesting to read this,, I feel the opposite! I love my girls to pieces but I have such a hard time relating to them. My boys on the other hand, they might make me want to rip my hair out but I can actually talk to them and understand them, we're on the same wave length . They're so much more rational and NORMAL about things.