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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

OP ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 4:50 pm

I have a couple kids who are very studious, in the sense they do what they need to do for school. But often it's at my expense. They don't like to study or do hw with friends which means that I always "need" to be available for them. I have no problem helping when I can. I just don't enjoy the expectation that I must be available for two older elementary kids for their hw and tests. Besides helping a younger elementary kid with hw, because kid can't do it by themselves.
Plus, BH taking care of baby and supper eetc.

I'm not exactly complaining, I'm not upset really. But I feel bad for them because I'm not always able.

Any suggestions for them or me?

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:44 pm

Can anyone sympathize or empathize with me? I can't be the only mom in this situation, am I?

amother

Raspberry

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:47 pm

Encourage them to call friends. I only help the younger ones or kids who really need help. I also encourage them to help each other.

SingALong

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:51 pm

Would you consider hiring a seminary or older high school kid to do homework with them? I did that when I had 3 kids close in age that together totaled an hour and a half of homework each night, she did hw with the kids while I put toddler and baby to sleep. Was the only way I could manage.

A friend of mine told me her husband does the homework while she did little kids bedtime.

Now I have only 1 kid to help and it’s quick so I can do it between little kids baths/bed, or one of the older kids does hw with him.

amother

Plum

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:52 pm

Same

amother

Bronze

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 10:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

Can anyone sympathize or empathize with me? I can't be the only mom in this situation, am I?

Yes, I sympathize with you but didn't see your post earlier because I was helping my 9th grader with homework LOL

amother

Tuberose

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 10:18 pm

OP I totally get it, I need to help DD7 with her homework and she has attentive ADHD so every day she says she doesn't have and it's to me to go through each book to check 95% of days she does have but she forgets. whilst doing that I'm also with the other 2 kids who have just come home and need attention.
I need to keep her focus otherwise she is remembering about something that's 'so important' and forgets she has homework again. This week was with the added joy of lice infestation in her class.
I totally feel that the homework is on me and not the kids

groisamomma

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 10:43 pm

Speaking as a teacher...

The best way to kill your relationship with a preteen is to do homework with them. 😉

Honestly, at upper elementary age students should be able to complete their homework with very minimal help from parents. (This is referring to students like OP's children, that are fully capable of doing it on their own.)

At this age, the responsibility should shift off of your shoulders and onto theirs. You may need to institute some kind of incentive, or make it clear that this is their responsibility now and they will quickly learn the natural consequences of slacking off.

The best way to foster independence is by allowing them to learn from their mistakes. Sometimes parents "over-help" or even literally do the work for their child because they think it makes them look like a bad parent if their kid comes to school with unfinished homework. It is NOT a reflection of you as a parent if your child chooses to slack off. On the contrary, it's a great opportunity for them to learn to step up to the plate or deal with the natural consequences of the choices they make.

ETA: This is all assuming the amount of homework is reasonable and not excessive.

ahuvah4

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 11:10 pm

I went to pta one year and told my daughters fourth grade teacher basically same thing you said. She told me to step back, that it’s going to be easier when she gets older if she learns how to do it herself. And she right.

DrMom

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 11:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

It sounds like they are conscientious, but not actually studious.

I think you need to understand exactly where the problem lies.

Do they do well when they are actually in the classroom? Do they seem to be retaining information they learned? Or do they understand the material, but just lack patience for homework after a long schoolday?

If they try doing HW on their own, how far do they get?

Perhaps they need to be taught how to study?

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