Grocery s/o | Imamother

amother

Mocha

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 10:08 am

In tral world it doesn't go by age. I need to give the right of way to everyone in the grocery store no matter age gender or race LOL

. I do a lot of patiently waiting or moving my cart to side. I'd someone let's go of their cart you can gently move theirs to side saying excuse me or I'm just going to move thus thank you. Hopefully by displaying good midos we will make the world a better place maybe others will learn from our good example

amother

↑ DarkCyan ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 10:11 am

amother Cerise wrote:

OP I agree with you. I was taught to respect my elders (not necessarily elderly). It’s ingrained in my bones.

I don't think respecting elders means to move aside in the aisle at the grocery store to let anyone and everyone older than you pass.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 10:17 am

I feel like you all are arguing over the wrong thing.
Who cares about the age of the asker and the asked, that's so not what I thought when I read the OP. It;s just plain strange that if one person asks the other to please move their cart to the side to respond "no YOU move". Even if someone the same age or younger asked me to move I'd say "ok" and move my cart.
It's very rude to respond "no YOU do it" to someone's request. As long as it's a reasonable request, which this seems like it was.

amother

↑ DarkCyan ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 10:27 am

amother Sienna wrote:

Which is why I'd think that the girl has special needs like autism.
Bh we generally don't encounter older girls that respond like this when they're asked to move. OP's situation is the exception rather then the rule, and we don't need to run to srart a thread whenever we encounter such a situation.

↑ Trademark ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 10:28 am

amother Sienna wrote:

Honestly it doesn't sound like she was the most respectful either.

I wouldn't ask someone to move I would politely ask if I can pass. To ask someone to move sounds a little passive aggressive.

Also I would be already the most to the right I can be so it wouldn't make sense for the other person say no you move, because everyone has to move to the right so we can pass each other. Usually both have to move to be able to pass.

Maybe she just responded in kind to The vibes she got. Although I agree it's rude, no matter the ages of the people involved.

watergirl

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 10:34 am

The way I understand your post, there was one shopper who was causing all the other shoppers to not be able to get through. You asked her to move and she refused.

This has nothing to do with age, or respect, or gender, or status, although OP, you did make it about age and respect (and wrote a whole post about how respect for age is not a thing anymore). It's rude to block an aisle at the store.

I see often a few women, young girls, bochrim, WHOEVER, standing and chatting not realizing they are blocking what I need, or blocking the way. It's just how it goes. If I can go around them, I do. If I can say excuse me, I do. But I've also said in such a nice way, I'm sure you don't realize you are blocking the way and people can't get through. And they move.

Imposing respect for age into a matter where it's not at all relevant is inappropriate.

This scenario was about a rude shopper at a store.

ShishKabob

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 11:24 am

amother OP wrote:

Ok what wld u do if u were literally at headlock with another person both wagons almost touching ? I’m usually gracious but why wld I be wrong here to assume someone more than 15 years younger than me wld have some decency? As that’s what I do for other people.. Curious to hear what others think

Standing on ceremony will not get you anywhere. Technically, if you are older than her then you are right. She should have the decency, but if she doesn't then...
Show her how an adult acts and move it of your own volition. Back up and give her room to pass.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 1:37 pm

watergirl wrote:

This is what I was thinking. It's nothing to do with age, it's to do with what makes sense. When I'm out driving and there's another car coming with little space to pass, it makes more sense for the car that has more space to wait, rather than creating a traffic jam because they didn't want to wait.
If you are the shopper than can move more easily, than you move, regardless of your age.

amother

Yellow ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 2:13 pm

OP correct me if Im wrong, it sounds that both of you had the option to move, it just had to be done by one of you?
This is why I see that you are in the wrong, you are expecting her to be a mentch because you are older. If it was your child you can expect that but you can't expect it from anyone else. In such a case if I am with my kid I will say we always let others go first and show her to move to the side but not demand it from anyone else. I hope that way my daughter will learn to look out for others. I would be very disturbed if someone else who has the same ability to move would tell my daughter to move.

It sounds similar to the time I was the end of the queue with 3 items and a mother came with 3 items and said 'I have kids with me let me go in front of you' she was demanding me to 'move' as she felt entitled I just answered her 'I have kids at home' in the same tone she used to me.
If she would have nicely asked, do you mind if I go in front my kids are tired or having a tantrum or if I would have seen she isn't managing waiting I wouldn't have offered her the place with pleasure, but to demand using kids or in your case 'im older' is ruder than not moving.

amother

Ginger

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 2:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok some of these replies… age doesn’t matter? Oook don’t know what this world is coming to.. in school we were always taught age matters and you’re saying it doesn’t? So I guess it’s a free for all, wonder what u wld do if you were stuck in the grocery with a young girl and see your reaction

You really can’t base someone’s age according to how they look, I’m in my 30’s and I’ve had people estimate that I’m 18. People comment to my husband things about his “daughter”

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 2:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Right in my op I said married. But really I meant anyone older. Of course I wld move over for older singles. Marriage status doesn’t matter. In this case there was no leeway to move away earlier. If you’re in this specific grocery you wld understand… it was a gridlock all the way behind me cldnt back up the girl saw me coming she wldnt move she kept coming to touch my wagon with hers.. then she just stood there so I asked if she cld move to the side (my mistake I forgot to say please) she said very bluntly you move. There was ppl all the way behind me trying to get through..
I moved over but I was surprised why she was so rude

What was your tone? Maybe it sounded aggressive to her?

amother

↑ DarkCyan ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 3:49 pm

Cheiny wrote:

I disagree. The girl should be respectful of someone who’s older.

Respect for elders doesn't come in in this situation though. They were both coming from opposite ends of the aisle. OP should have moved instead of demanding the girl to move just because OP is older than the girl.

amother

Hibiscus ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 10:59 pm

Both parties were wrong here.

I would never think to outright ask someone to move when I could move just as easily. That just comes across as so stuck up! Of course, if I was stuck and the other person had room to move, or if I was trying to pass by and someone was blocking, I'd politely ask them to please move.

I think this girl was super rude, but very likely she was put off by your demand and answered in kind. K'mayim hapanim l'panim and all that.

Re the whole age thing, personally I think it only comes into play either:

1. When the older person is old enough to be considered elderly, usually 65+

2. When the person is physically incapacitated in any way which is connected to their age. I.e., a pregnant woman, a woman holding a baby or with three toddlers tugging on her skirt etc. Otherwise, why should a 31 yo come before a 21 yo?

Also, so curious what grocery this is, sounds like a nightmare to shop there.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 3:27 am

Trademark wrote:

Also respect is earned not commanded. When you give out vibes that you must respect me because I'm older, it brings out visceral reactions.

????
We are talking about common courtesy. It's a Jewish middah to honor our elders , not dependent on your personal judgment whether they deserve it or not.
Younger should have moved wagon and not crash head first on older ones wagon.

singleagain ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 6:39 am

amother OP wrote:

I was at the grocery I assume the same big one as the Op of the other thread. I was pushing my wagon a girl was pushing in opposite direction there was no space I asked her if she cld move over so I cld get through then she wld be able to get through. She told me no YOU move. I was pretty much speechless and gave her a look while I moved. Is this the norm? Was it wrong of me to ask her to move? If I was 18-19 I wld move over for an older married…

I'm confused. Was there space or not? At first you said there was no space so you asked her to move. But then when she refused you found the space to move ....

If I'm heading to another person (usually on the road) I look to see where the open spots on the road are and I pull over in the first available one. Sometimes there are too many cars parked on my side but an open spot on the other side then I can expect the other driver to pull over .. otherwise if there's space I'll do it first.

If you actually were able to move then there was space and you never should have asked in the first place bc according to rules of the road you should have pulled over in the first available space

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 7:05 am

singleagain wrote:

Wow! Olam Hafuch. So OP was wrong to begin with? That's your take?

amother

↑ Yellow ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 7:40 am

singleagain wrote:

I understood it that there wasn't space for both to go at the same time, but they both had the option of pulling to the side and op told the girl to do it.
If I'm correct in this, I asked OP earlier but didn't get a reply, than yes she is in the wrong for demanding the other move.
If OP wouldn't have had anywhere to move to and the only option besides making the 5 people behind her reverse was for the girl to move to the side she should have asked nicely please move to the side that we can get past.