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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
Who's responsibility is it?
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| parents |
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81% |
[ 26 ] |
| school |
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3% |
[ 1 ] |
| both - pls explain in comments |
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12% |
[ 4 ] |
| other - pls explain in comments |
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3% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 32 |
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amother
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 Tue, Sep 24 2024, 4:35 am
My teen DD in high school has a learning disability in a certain subject. Doing great in every other area. She failed a course of that subject after working very hard to pass, much more time invested in that subject than her other subjects, and needs to retake it this year independently, while simultaneously doing her regular school work.
The state will not accept a LD as an excuse to pass to the course and still graduate, unless she does alternative schooling across the board. As parents, our goal is not really that she should graduate, but that she should feel good about herself and thrive in all the areas that she can, as long as she is putting in all the effort that she can. We accept an LD, we see that she is struggling, and as much as we help her through it and provide tutoring and help, etc, we also understand the reality. She can always figure out her GED at a later point, especially if it's one subject that will need to be retake. However, the schools take is that the girls must graduate - its not an option to opt out of, as it doesn't fit the culture of the school, so therefore, my DD is taking the course now, together with being tutored several times a week to help prepare.
Who's responsibility is it to ensure that she is taking it, preparing for it, feeling ok about it, etc? Financial, emotional...is it all on the parents? All on the school? A mix of both?
Thanks!
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amother
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 4:38 am
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I really dont even understand this question. Dont you think her self esteem will be impacted if she doesn’t graduate. This sounds like parenting cop-out
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Aurora
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 4:39 am
It's also her responsibility, in addition to the parents and a bit the school's.
Why don't you care if she doesn't get a GED? How will she support herself if needed?
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amother
Pumpkin
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 5:12 am
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I don't see how the school is responsible here at all. Mostly it is your dd's. On you, I will think to provide tutoring. That's it.
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amother
Feverfew
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 5:14 am
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I don’t understand the question. Mostly on you as the parent, and since your kid has a LD only as much as she take on realistically.
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amother
Ginger
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 5:14 am
your daughter will feel good about herself if she graduates- and bad about herself if she doesn’t
what’s a learning disability in one subject?
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Chayalle
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 5:17 am
I have a close relative whose child has a LD, and she supported her (tutoring, etc...) thru high school so she passed all her classes. I can't begin to tell you how proud that young lady is of her diploma. It did more for her self-esteem than parents who pooh-pooh their kids and go on and on how it's not important, just be happy.....at the end of the day, accomplishment leads to self-esteem.
Oh, and BTW she's very successful in her job - very capable and efficient young lady with tremendous creativity. Academic success isn't everything. But being able to buckle down and work hard is worth alot.....
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Hashem_Yaazor
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 5:39 am
Does she need this specific course or any in the same area will do as long as she has X amount of years?
Like 4 years of English but if the issue is comprehension, switch it to a high school level writing class.
Or math, you might specifically need algebra and geometry but not algebra 2, and after algebra 1 there may be something that fits into math criteria like financial literacy...
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readreread
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 5:46 am
The only thing I can think of is something like dyscalculia where she can't process numbers.
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teachkids
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 5:48 am
1) does she have a 504/ iep/ service plan? If not, get one asap. This will adjust the expectations and give her extra supports.
2) can she do a math course as a summer school / study at home course over the summer with help instead of doing 2 levels at the same time? And preferably an iinmeasier type (financial literacy instead of algebra 2 type).
3) have you asked her what she wants?
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amother
Seashell
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 5:54 am
| amother Ginger wrote: | your daughter will feel good about herself if she graduates- and bad about herself if she doesn’t
what’s a learning disability in one subject? |
I'm not the OP but just to answer the question....my daughter was an 85-90 average student in most subjects, but struggled very much with Hebrew all her life. Kriah was hard for her as a young child, and later, the Hebrew language subject, which was basically memorizing lists of words but it's also about recognizing roots, understanding how the language works....was very hard for her.
Our experience was different than OP's (maybe this varies by state) but her principal told her that she CAN take modified for just Hebrew, and still get a regular diploma (not modified) since there is a provision for having a LD in one subject.
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amother
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 10:33 am
My DD is an extremely hard worker and has been really pushing herself in general. She is not at the top of her class but she works hard to maintain a B to B+ average in most classes, and this is putting in much more time and effort than a typical student. Her LD has been confirmed through psychological testing but she can not yet get an IEP until she has 6 months of consecutive tutoring in the subject, which she was unable to do becasue of the summer. She had a few months of tutoring since her diagnosis after Pesach and we started up again when school started.
As parents, we would love for her to graduate and get her GED...but not at the expense of her sanity and sense of self worth. With the kind of LD she has, no amount of tutoring will help her pass this one subject, and it's frustrating that red tape is forcing her in a box that she can't fit into. She also suffers from anxiety and mild depression...this is really not helping her. She is putting in her heart and soul and more to pass this one subject and still fialing miserably...not even close to passing 
And that is why we are ok with her not getting her GED now. Let her work through that one subject after she finishes 12th grade when she doesn't have the pressure of all her other homework and tests on her. Maybe by then the state will be more accepting of this LD and there may be a way for her to take an alternative instead of the subject, who knows.
We are very involved as parents and are definitely doing what we can. Just wondering where the school should be in this. There hasn't been a single conversation with the school and my DD. They met with us to tell us about her failing and needing to make it up. They asked us to let her know and to give her the requirements, which we did. They haven't said a word to her. She took the test, failed, and they called us. I'm just confused. I would think that her school would be more invested in her success.
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amother
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 11:19 am
| amother OP wrote: | My DD is an extremely hard worker and has been really pushing herself in general. She is not at the top of her class but she works hard to maintain a B to B+ average in most classes, and this is putting in much more time and effort than a typical student. Her LD has been confirmed through psychological testing but she can not yet get an IEP until she has 6 months of consecutive tutoring in the subject, which she was unable to do becasue of the summer. She had a few months of tutoring since her diagnosis after Pesach and we started up again when school started.
As parents, we would love for her to graduate and get her GED...but not at the expense of her sanity and sense of self worth. With the kind of LD she has, no amount of tutoring will help her pass this one subject, and it's frustrating that red tape is forcing her in a box that she can't fit into. She also suffers from anxiety and mild depression...this is really not helping her. She is putting in her heart and soul and more to pass this one subject and still fialing miserably...not even close to passing
And that is why we are ok with her not getting her GED now. Let her work through that one subject after she finishes 12th grade when she doesn't have the pressure of all her other homework and tests on her. Maybe by then the state will be more accepting of this LD and there may be a way for her to take an alternative instead of the subject, who knows.
We are very involved as parents and are definitely doing what we can. Just wondering where the school should be in this. There hasn't been a single conversation with the school and my DD. They met with us to tell us about her failing and needing to make it up. They asked us to let her know and to give her the requirements, which we did. They haven't said a word to her. She took the test, failed, and they called us. I'm just confused. I would think that her school would be more invested in her success. |
Why should the school be more invested than the parents? You made it clear that you dont care about her graduating. I really think you should rethink your parenting and work with the school to help figure out how she can graduate. Your goal should be diploma otherwise why even bother sending her to school you may as well keep her home.
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unexpected
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 11:31 am
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You are her parents, you know best. If it's not a subject that she can pass I would let it slide and discuss with the school that they shouldn't pressure her. School should not be torture.
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Molly Weasley
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 11:35 am
| amother OP wrote: | My DD is an extremely hard worker and has been really pushing herself in general. She is not at the top of her class but she works hard to maintain a B to B+ average in most classes, and this is putting in much more time and effort than a typical student. Her LD has been confirmed through psychological testing but she can not yet get an IEP until she has 6 months of consecutive tutoring in the subject, which she was unable to do becasue of the summer. She had a few months of tutoring since her diagnosis after Pesach and we started up again when school started.
As parents, we would love for her to graduate and get her GED...but not at the expense of her sanity and sense of self worth. With the kind of LD she has, no amount of tutoring will help her pass this one subject, and it's frustrating that red tape is forcing her in a box that she can't fit into. She also suffers from anxiety and mild depression...this is really not helping her. She is putting in her heart and soul and more to pass this one subject and still fialing miserably...not even close to passing
And that is why we are ok with her not getting her GED now. Let her work through that one subject after she finishes 12th grade when she doesn't have the pressure of all her other homework and tests on her. Maybe by then the state will be more accepting of this LD and there may be a way for her to take an alternative instead of the subject, who knows.
We are very involved as parents and are definitely doing what we can. Just wondering where the school should be in this. There hasn't been a single conversation with the school and my DD. They met with us to tell us about her failing and needing to make it up. They asked us to let her know and to give her the requirements, which we did. They haven't said a word to her. She took the test, failed, and they called us. I'm just confused. I would think that her school would be more invested in her success. |
The school should definitely consider modifying their stance to support her situation, especially since they seem to agree that she has a learning disability. However, it's important for you to do your part to make it work as well.
Financially, I understand why it's not the school's responsibility to pay for the help she needs. It is their responsibility to work with whoever they hire to ensure that she graduates with her self-esteem intact.
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amother
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 2:18 pm
| amother Sage wrote: | | Why should the school be more invested than the parents? You made it clear that you dont care about her graduating. I really think you should rethink your parenting and work with the school to help figure out how she can graduate. Your goal should be diploma otherwise why even bother sending her to school you may as well keep her home. |
I don't think that it's possible for anyone else to be more invested than we are lol...nor do we expect anything of the sort. What we are surprised about is the zero communication between the school and our daughter about this.
I feel that your comment about rethinking our parenting is offensive. I feel that we are trying our best to work with the school while also understanding the reality our daughters limitations. Of course in an ideal world, getting a diploma would be the goal. But how can we push her to meet a goal that she wont be able to meet? Why should we pull her out if she is happy in all other areas and is making great strides in her personal growth and friendships in school? If we had another option we would consider it, but the only other option would be to send her to a different city...there is nothing else where we are.
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GLUE
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 2:31 pm
I did not pass a bunch of subjects the school said they can work with me to retake some classes or not what do I want?
I did not I got my GED many years later, if your daughter does not care if she gets a diploma of not I would say don't go crazy.
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amother
Lily
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 2:42 pm
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It is the responsibility of the school to educate the child- I don't know why the frum system thinks that if a child has a LD that they're off the hook. Just shows how prejudiced and really incompetent the school really is
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amother
Copper
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 2:47 pm
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Would extra time on the test help? I have dyscalculia and got extra time on the SATs and was able to pass. (But this was with me being in the lowest math class and resource room throughout the years.)
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amother
Winterberry
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Tue, Sep 24 2024, 3:02 pm
Maybe I missed this but I would call the school reassure my daughter that we will do our best with the school to work out something
Can she do an independent study to fulfill the requirement? What solution does the school offer? I’d make an appointment for us parents to go in and meet with the admin and figure out a workable solution
Is reframe not about blame or responsibility but how best to find a solution with the school your daughter etc
Hatzlocha
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