Telling older students

amother

Daylily ↓

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 11:43 am

I always loved when teachers told us they were pregnant, we were so excited for them!

It also often made me feel sad when they didn't tell us. As a kid, teachers are one of your major relationships, we didn't like to feel left out if there was good news. Just like if a teacher was getting married they would tell us, also if they were having a baby they would tell us. And if they disappeared with little or no warning it was sometimes an extremely difficult adjustment.

amother

Mintgreen

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 2:12 pm

We had a kodesh teacher in 12th grade tell us she was pregnant. Very small OOT school. She didnt tell the other classes iirc.

And a non jewish secular studies teacher tell us she was divorcing.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 2:38 pm

amother Lawngreen wrote:

It's very cultural.
None of my teachers ever spoke about their pregnancies, and, as a teacher, I never did either. It's not something I thought much into.
I think some things are just not talked about, even if they are obvious.

Same.

But I am a teacher now and the moms get letters that the teacher is going on maternity leave so thats how they found out.
Theyr v young though.

I would say Youre going to have x teacher becaus Il be going on maternity leave.
Easier then actually saying Im pregnant or having a baby.

amother

Steel ↓

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 4:52 pm

I’m also shocked by people not telling their students! I don’t know if this makes a difference but I teach in a small very chassidish chabad school.

I teach 5th grade, it was becoming noticeable and I knew this class in general had many subs throughout the years. I told them around pesach time that iyH I was having a baby in the summer. Especially for my more anxious students this was so helpful because they of course noticed I was pregnant and were anxious about whether or not I would finish the year and who would take over.
I find it disrespectful not to tell your students before you’re going, they need stability. But maybe if you are from a community where mothers don’t even tell their children before the go and have a baby I can see how it would be strange to tell your students. Otherwise, I actually think it’s a very important conversation to have.

amother

Beige ↓

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 5:22 pm

amother Steel wrote:

I don’t know, I’m Chabad (went to BR) and don’t remember any teacher telling us they were pregnant. It seems pretty personal, unless it’s specifically to say when they’d be leaving (or in your case, not leaving.)

amother

↑ Steel

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 5:26 pm

amother Beige wrote:

How old are you? I definitely think it’s different in this generation, most of my teachers only told us a few weeks before but you better believe we were all whispering about it for months

amother

Peach

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 5:34 pm

My 5th grade teacher told us on the first day of school. She was out january/Feb. She likely didn't want us discussing all of her symptoms and speculating. She was honest with us and made us feel like big kids. Also by 5th grade all kids know where babies come from so they understood the entire situation.

amother

Violet ↓

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 6:49 pm

singleagain wrote:

I'm just wondering why it's so uncomfortable to just be honest and straightforward and say you're having a baby. I mean in general, do you have a hard time admitting... have you had traumatizing loss in the past or just I don't understand why it would be uncomfortable to say so.

No one is being dishonest. They’re not denying anything. This is a tznius issue and a question of boundaries.

↑ singleagain

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 7:30 pm

amother Violet wrote:

No one is being dishonest. They’re not denying anything. This is a tznius issue and a question of boundaries.

How is it a tznius issue? How is it a boundary issue?

amother

Currant

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 7:33 pm

My dds teacher was obviously showing and told the girls she'd be out rosh chodesh adar. They also understood what she meant. That was it.

None of my teachers ever announced pregnancies. That's not normal in yeshivish bais yaakovs. Nothing to do with students' age

amother

Dustypink ↓

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 7:57 pm

The year I taught middle school and was due in the summer, I mostly didn't acknowledge the pregnancy--until some trip at the very end of the year had a ride that I skipped and a student asked why and I remarked that you cannot go on the ride pregnant.

But when I taught high school students, I have always told them when to expect the maternity leave, because it impacts when I assign projects, and it impacts their ability to study for the standardized tests at the end of the school year in my course. They deserve to know how my presence and absence will impact their job of getting their education.

I always tell them with the aside that it would be rude and a boundary violation for them to ask any follow-up questions, but that I am telling them because I care about them doing their job as students, and knowing when they'll have six weeks of a substitute (or reassuring them that we'll probably make it to June together) is important information that they deserve to know.

The girls have always been good and have responded respectfully.

amother

↑ Dustypink

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 8:00 pm

Also, one time I was pregnant and I had a younger sister-in-law as a student in one of my classes.

When I told her that I was expecting, I let her know that she could confirm her classmates' suspicions (and even give the general due date, which was in the summer) as soon as the rumors were getting loud. Better to just let them know the news from her than to have extended weeks and months of festering rumors.

amother

Aquamarine

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 8:30 pm

I remember teachers telling us matter-of-factly that they will be going on leave in April, and so-and-so will be the sub, and that we are expected to be on our best behavior for the sub and we will be tested on the material. I think that prepared us to take the sub seriously.

amother

↑ Lightcyan

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 8:36 pm

amother Beige wrote:

I went to BR and any teacher who went on maternity leave always let us know before. One teacher had a baby in the summer so she never told us but that's different.

amother

↑ Violet

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 9:38 pm

singleagain wrote:

How is it a tznius issue? How is it a boundary issue?

Believe it or not, no one has to know when you’re not nida or pregnant.
Teachers and students should have boundaries for their private lives. Why do they have to know?

amother

↑ Beige

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 9:52 pm

amother Lightcyan wrote:

I went to BR and any teacher who went on maternity leave always let us know before. One teacher had a baby in the summer so she never told us but that's different.

Ok I graduated more than 20 years ago, I guess I don’t remember. The truth is, I only specifically remember one of my teachers being pregnant but I have no recollection of what she did and didn’t say before she left. I guess it was a non issue.

amother

Seafoam

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 10:15 pm

Many of my teachers had babies over the years and they just suddenly disappeared. With 1 we had no warning as she had early in the year and we had no clue how she looks not pregnant so didn’t realize she’s pregnant (she was heavier so no obvious pregnant belly). There was a bunch of medical issues so we never had her back normally as a teacher she kept on coming and going.
Another teacher had super early so her telling us she’d be out wouldn’t help as she was 4 months early.

amother

↑ Daylily

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 3:03 am

I would think it is more of a tznius issue to have 20 or 30 or 50 or 100 girls or boys whispering to each other about a teacher's weight or if she is or isn't pregnant. Obviously better if they didn't, but they do anyway. From kindergarten to 12th grade. Probably better to just let them know so they aren't speculating.