Asking your assistant to get water

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 19 2024, 9:41 am

Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. I did not say who I was in this scenario, not because I wanted to pull a gotcha, but because I wanted to just get boss's thoughts on the matter without knowing I'm the program assistant.

I am the program assistant. It's clear most people have no idea what that means. But like someone said up thread, just because my title has the word "assistant" in it does not mean I'm her personal or executive assistant. I am not a secretary either. Those who said her assistant is there to make her own day easier, otherwise why would she have one - maybe the job you have in mind is an errand boy to make you cappuccinos and go shopping for you, but that is wildly distant from my role and is giving "The Devil Wears Prada", although Andrea was Miranda Priestly's assistant in every way and this was all baked into her job, and the whole point was that anyone who could work in that role for a year would have the ability to chose any job in NYC after surviving a boss like that.

My job is not to make sure my boss's life at work is easier for her. My job is to work on the programmatic areas of the work we do.

Am I resentful of the demeaning tasks I'm given? I'm getting there. I'm wrapping up my 10th year here in this role and it is starting to get to me. I'm not paid enough to be asked to fetch water. Am I resentful and do I feel demeaned enough to speak up or quit? No. It's not just the ask to get water or her coffee that is getting to me though, it's the tone and the little comments I get with it.

Yes, I laugh in my head at it, at her entitlement and attitude. And I feel bad for her that she is so self-important that she thinks she's just too busy to get up and fill her own water bottle.

Mainly, I use this experience when it happens as a reminder that maybe it is a message from HKBH that my own gaiiva it’s getting a little bit too high, and I need something to humble myself.

As an aside, I have another boss at work who once was in a meeting and sent me a text asking for a glass of water. After, she came to me to thank me and explain why she did not get up and get it herself, and she apologized for stopping my work flow to do her a favor. She could not wait until after the meeting for water because she all of a sudden got a dry mouth, etc. and she forgot her water bottle at home that day or she would have had it with her, and she was embarrassed to ask me to even do it for her.

amother Strawberry wrote:

My meetings are back to back and I need people to get me water, coffee, papers, set up the presentations etc. in between. So I don’t think it’s crazy although I do feel bad asking for things like that.

With all due respect, you do not NEED people to go get you coffee or water, those are personal items. You make coffee and fill a thermos before work that day. Fill a water bottle before work and refill it when you take a bathroom brake. You are not that important that you can ask someone to get your personal items for you. Getting papers and setting up work presentations is for WORK, not for you, and they are not the same kind of ask.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 19 2024, 10:01 am

amother Steel wrote:

Yes. My assistant does all sorts of things for me, including fetch water, make me capuccinos, print and collate files, take the business card and shop for employee holiday presents, stock the conference room with pastries and waters or whatever else I need. This is her job. If I am doing these things myself, her job becomes redundant and would be eliminated. Isn't it better to keep her employed and have her assist me with tasks that would otherwise distract from my efficiency? Why is this even an issue?.

Let me break down the problem with your outlook.

- fetch water, make me capuccinos - these are personal favors for YOU. You can and should get your own water and fancy coffee drink. Her job does not become redundant if you get your own beverages. You can and should fill up a large insulated water bottle and coffee cup before the work day starts and then your efficiency won't be distracted.

- print and collate files, take the business card and shop for employee holiday presents, stock the conference room with pastries and waters or whatever else I need. - These things are part of the job of an office assistant. These things are not what YOU need, they are what the office requires to run.

It seems you are conflating your needs with the office’s needs or with the job’s needs.

amother

Rose ↓

Thu, Sep 19 2024, 10:57 am

There are workplaces where the assistant is expected to take care of the personal needs of the boss. I'm not referring to tasks relating to their home life (though there are jobs like those too!) like buying a birthday present for their child's friend's birthday party, but errands like buying a coffee for the boss are perfectly in scope for that job. The idea behind is that the boss's (work) time is more valuable than the assistant's and it would be a waste of that time that she should be spending doing big picture strategic thinking, or speaking to a key client, to go buy a coffee.

It doesn't sound like that's your workplace's vision for your job, but it is not inconceivable that it make sense for Steel's workplace to function that way.

There is nothing inherently demeaning about hiring someone whose job description includes buying coffee for the boss. It does, however, become a problem if there is a mismatch between the employer's and employee's expectations.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 19 2024, 11:03 am

amother Rose wrote:

Right. So I was pretty clear through this thread that the employee (ie, me) is NOT a personal assistant.

I still feel it's entitled to ask the assistant to get your coffee. No one is THAT busy, sorry. Make your coffee before you sit down in your desk.

Interestingly, my boss's boss (the BIG BOSS) has a saying about the work we do: "we are not IBM and we are not curing cancer - nothing we do is THAT important, and everything can wait". Is our work important? Of course it is! Is anyone aside from maybe IBM or brain surgeons who are mid-operation SO busy and important that they can't make their own coffee?

I literally can not wrap my mind around feeling you NEED to ask an assistant to make you coffee. I'm really sorry, most people are not that busy or important that they can't make it themselves before work. Get a good travel mug.

amother

↑ Rose

Thu, Sep 19 2024, 12:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wasn't responding to your own workplace situation; I was responding to your critique of Steel's workplace.

In some places, people are that busy.

I actually don't get the IBM comparison; IBM isn't involved in life-saving work. Their work is not inherently more important than that of many other companies. They do happen to make a lot of money, so that leads to a monetary argument, not a moral one. The monetary argument is that if your company pays you $500K a year, they may prefer for you to focus on the work that they're hiring you to do and ask your assistant (who gets $50K/year) to make your coffee.

I get that you're upset about your workplace but that doesn't make Steel wrong about hers. There is no moral value in making your own coffee per se.

↑ ora_43 ↓

Thu, Sep 19 2024, 12:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

I still feel it's entitled to ask the assistant to get your coffee. No one is THAT busy, sorry. Make your coffee before you sit down in your desk.

I think it's fine if that's the arrangement in advance. There's nothing inherently demeaning about serving someone food and drinks.

For some managers there is no 'before.' Meeting A runs from 10 am to 1pm and Meeting B goes from 1pm -4pm. Someone stopping by at exactly 1 with a cup of coffee and half a sandwich is a lifesaver.

What's really not OK is
- treating anyone junior to you like a personal assistant. That's horrible management. Personal assistant is an important job but you can't assign people to it, they need to apply and agree to the terms.

- in general, assigning someone work that belongs with a more junior role/ a role that's a step down in terms of their specific profession (even if not more junior), without any discussion beforehand.

↑ ora_43

Thu, Sep 19 2024, 12:58 pm

I will say though, one time I said "I wouldn't mind getting coffee" (like, in general) and an older coworker stopped me and gently said, "No, Ora. You do not get coffee."

And that was a real eye-opener for me (It's probably hard to understand why without the tone, but it was). It was a gentle reminder of my role, and that as a (then-younger) woman I needed to present myself in a certain way, and pursue opportunities to move up the career ladder not down. Nobody can be everything all the time. If you're the one running to get coffee, you're not spending that time demonstrating value in your actual role.

I think I would say something about this, OP. If it's happening enough to bother you, it's happening too much. And the palpable disrespect is worrying.

I think I'd frame it as like, "I'd like to talk about my role. As I understood it, my responsibilities are X, Y, and Z. Lately I've increasingly found myself being pulled away to do things like getting water or coffee, or to go to the printer to get paper. To me, these feel like tasks that a personal assistant would do. I strongly prefer to stay focused on my work in (whatever) rather than taking on a personal assistant role. Is that something that we can work toward?"

IDK I'm trying to come up with words but it's hard. This would be a great question for AskAManager, I bet she'd have a good script.

Alternatively, if it's just one person doing this and she's not your only manager, you could try just saying "no."

"OP, please go to my office and get me water."
(polite smile) "Sorry, I'm in the middle of something here."

amother

Tan

Thu, Sep 19 2024, 6:05 pm

I'm surprised that no one mentioned the women's movement, but perhaps this group skews a little younger (and not necessarily feminist). "Getting coffee" was emblematic of the indignity of the traditionally female secretarial role in an otherwise masculine work environment. There's nothing wrong with coworkers helping each other out, including picking up beverages or snacks for the group. It becomes problematic when lower-ranking workers are expected to do menial, personal tasks on the regular (regardless of the boss's gender), and the coffeepot (they didn't have Starbucks or k-cups in those days) became the symbol of that workplace tension. Nowadays the coffeemaker is in the break room in most work places, not behind the administrative assistant's desk.

singleagain

Thu, Sep 19 2024, 10:11 pm

amother Tan wrote:

This post made me remember the scene from Legally Blonde where Vivian and Elle discuss that.