Telling older students

amother

Mimosa

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 8:36 am

amother OP wrote:

When do/would you tell older students you’re pregnant? And how? (Like 7-12th graders)

This is my worst thing ever. A teacher shouldn't have to tell her students, it should be obvious and as another poster mentioned, you tell them they'll have a sub after x time period and they'll know.
except... I don't show. I don't start showing until my 8th/9th month and even then, I can get away with looking like I've gained weight.
I teach high school, I've had 2 kids since I've been teaching. The first was BH in June so I finished the year but when my students heard I had a baby they were SHOCKED.
The second time, I told the students before Pesach break that they'd have a sub after Pesach (I had a baby a week or so before Pesach) and they were like "why" and I was super uncomfortable and stammered something or other.
I'm IYH due in a few weeks, right after sukkos- someone I know told a couple of my students and they were like, you must have made a mistake, we saw her today, she's not pregnant...
really not looking forward to that sub announcement...

Genius

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 8:40 am

I didn't tell my students. They figured it out.

We had a teacher in high school (more than one actually) who wore belts through the ninth month. One of them I figured she's preg by the way she leaned on her bag on the table. They might see more than you think.

singleagain ↓

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 8:46 am

amother Mimosa wrote:

) and they were like "why" and I was super uncomfortable and stammered something or other.

I'm just wondering why it's so uncomfortable to just be honest and straightforward and say you're having a baby. I mean in general, do you have a hard time admitting... have you had traumatizing loss in the past or just I don't understand why it would be uncomfortable to say so.

tichellady ↓

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 8:52 am

singleagain wrote:

Ya I also don’t get it at all. I also think it shows a lack of respect for the students as this will impact them

↑ tichellady

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 8:54 am

amother DarkCyan wrote:

You don't.
They'll figure it out.

Why would you want to teach kids to guess when people are pregnant instead of it being something that is brought up by the pregnant person when she’s ready to share? I really don’t get this mentality

amother

Lawngreen

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 9:00 am

It's very cultural.
None of my teachers ever spoke about their pregnancies, and, as a teacher, I never did either. It's not something I thought much into.
I think some things are just not talked about, even if they are obvious.

sushilover

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 9:06 am

singleagain wrote:

At first I was going to respond to say that many classes have girls who will react immaturely to such news and really any kind of personal information about their teacher. But thinking it over, I agree with you. If some girls react immaturely, that would be a great opportunity to teach them how to properly respond to such news.

If a teacher struggles with classroom management, then it makes sense for her not to say anything.

amother

Lightcyan ↓

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 9:48 am

I teach middle school and now I'm a hanhala member in elementary and middle school. I always tell the kids, I don't see the issue. My students often were surprised which confused me because I carry large and put on maternity from my 4th month. I usually just say that I'm IYH going on maternity leave around _______ time and they will have a sub. As a hanhala member, I tell the kids when I happen to sub or be in the classroom near my due date.
I find it disrespectful to the kids to just disappear one day

amother

Fern

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 10:52 am

tichellady wrote:

We are not teaching kids to guess and look to see when people are pregnant. We all know there is a stage when people wonder if someone is pregnant. Not all humans are yentas who stand around trying to guess. But at the point the teacher is wearing maternity clothing it is obvious, especially to girls that age who will be away I'd what a bump means.no guessing involved.
There is no reason for a teacher to tell the students she is pregnant. I also don't think she needs to prepare them for the sub. The day the sub comes in they will be happy to see here. When the new is announced that the teacher had a baby the students can be told thus is their long term sub for the duration of teachers maternity leave and all the rules and systems that apply within subs classroom

zaq

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 10:59 am

There is zero reason to tell students, and IMHO it's not even appropriate to tell them. You don't share your medical information with your students, and this is fundamentally medical information . They're not your boss, who needs to know that you will be out for six weeks or longer (or may even be leaving ) or your coworkers, who may have to shoulder some of your responsibilities in your absence. Either the kids will figure it out themselves or they won't, but either way that's not your problem.

amother

Waterlily ↓

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 11:08 am

zaq wrote:

If you worked with clients directly, would you tell your clients that you will be taking a six-week absence and that So-and-So will be covering their account for the duration of the leave? If so, why would you not think it appropriate to tell your students similar information?

amother

↑ Lightcyan ↓

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 11:24 am

zaq wrote:

I disagree so strongly. You are their teacher. You have a certain responsibility as a stable presence in their day to let them know if they're going to have a disruption in their routine for an extended period of time. The same way you should tell them if you will be away for a week.

amother

Oak

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 11:34 am

You do not need to tell them. It’s crossing boundaries. If you happen to be speaking to a parent and you are discussing something that might come up when you’ll be out, you can mention that you will be out on maternity leave to a mother but not to a student.

amother

↑ Waterlily

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 12:32 pm

How does it cross boundaries to tell your students, "I will iy"H be on maternity leave from after midwinter vacation until around Purim time. While I'm gone, the substitute will plan to cover perakim yud-beis and yud-gimmel. She'll give you a test at the end of the leave, which will of course count towards your grade, but the material that she teaches you won't be on the final."?

Students are people too and school is a large part of their lives. Give them the stability of knowing what to expect instead of them coming one day to a stranger in the classroom, having no idea what's going on.

And why is it more appropriate to tell a parent (who is not a direct stakeholder) than a student (who is)?

amother

Honeydew

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 1:34 pm

I'm surprised at some of these responses.
I have been teaching while pregnant with 4 kids. Wouldn't cross my mind to not tell the students. And that's for younger girls than OP is asking about (I teach upper elementary).

They're going to be having a sub for at least 6 weeks. That hugely impact's them. The least you can do is to prepare them for it. Especially a girl who has anxious tendencies- imagine her worrying, is my teacher leaving, am I having a sub, who will it be, when will it be. But too uncomfortable to ask, because the teacher hasn't said anything even though she's obviously pregnant.
Obviously do it in a eidel way. But IMO, definitely tell them.
At my 8th/9th month I usually say something along the lines of "I am BezH having a baby at around this time (for older kids can just say going on maternity leave). You will have a sub for x amount of time."
If I already know who the sub will be, I tell them. If not I reassure them that we are working on getting someone who will be the best sub possible for them.
I also discuss other factors that having a long term sub entails.
A very casual, matter of fact, no drama approach from my part, works well. Even if they are giggling etc, I keep calm and casual. Nothing to feel awkward or nervous about