Losing an expensive item

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 11:30 am

11 year old was walking out of the house with an expensive item. I said don’t take it you’ll lose it. They said no I won’t it will be fine. Sure enough they were distracted put the item down somewhere and it’s gone.

They need the item. I don’t want to replace it. I feel like I gave them the warning and they chose to be irresponsible anyway.

Would you say I’m not replacing or replace it? They don’t have much money and I don’t think it would make a difference to tell them to pay towards it anyway.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 11:34 am

Not an urgent or major need. Can live without it. But it’s easier and useful.

amother

Chestnut

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 11:36 am

I would eithrr refuse to replace or give them the opportunity to work off the expense.

amother

Blush

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:03 pm

Make them work to pay it off but the work and payment can be symbolic, ie they don't have to literally slave awah earn every penny . Just enough so that they feel the pinch and learn that things and money have value.

Goldengoose

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:04 pm

I wouldnt replace it, at least not right away. how will they learn otherwise?

amother

Purple

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:22 pm

DD lost her watch in camp and didn't even bother to look for it at first. By the time I reminded her and nudged her and even emailed the camp to have her counselor help her look for it, it had disappeared. So now she doesn't have a watch and she's not getting a replacement any time soon. If her grandparents want to buy her one for Chanukah then we can discuss it then.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:24 pm

dd lost her one pair of real earrings on the first day she wore them to daycamp. she has beautiful earrings that she can and did wear but one day she wanted to wear her real pair. I told her rather not.
now she's begging for another pair and I said, one day, and probably not any time soon.

amother

Lightblue

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:29 pm

amother Purple wrote:

Yes, same happened to my DD. She will just have to live without a watch. Even though my life also would be easier if she had one, I don't think it's right to just replace it.

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 2:38 pm

amother Ivory wrote:

I recently treated myself to new earrings for Shabbos use. The second time I wore them I lost one and it was my own fault and I can only blame myself. I'm not replacing them until my birthday which is a few good months away.

amother

Sage ↓

Tue, Sep 17 2024, 7:10 am

I had a similar story w my dd. It was a wallet, so something that she really needed, but we had gotten her a specific one for chanukah because she really wanted it. We explained to her that we would get her a wallet as she needs it, but not that special one. She saved up babysitting $ and got the one she loved eventually. I think it was a good lesson all around.

ittsamother ↓

Tue, Sep 17 2024, 7:42 am

How did your child respond to the loss? Are they even expecting you to automatically replace it or are they sheepish about it?!

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Sep 17 2024, 7:48 am

ittsamother wrote:

How did your child respond to the loss? Are they even expecting you to automatically replace it or are they sheepish about it?!

Just oh well I lost it. When I said I don’t think I’m replacing it just yet they said ok and shrugged.

amother

Feverfew

Tue, Sep 17 2024, 7:57 am

amother OP wrote:

Just oh well I lost it. When I said I don’t think I’m replacing it just yet they said ok and shrugged.

So don't replace it. If they want it they should work for it before you replace it.

amother

↑ Sage ↓

Tue, Sep 17 2024, 7:59 am

ittsamother wrote:

How did your child respond to the loss? Are they even expecting you to automatically replace it or are they sheepish about it?!

If that's to me, she was very upset. She had a habit of not putting her wallet away and we had told her someone might take it. Sure enough, it was on a table in a restaurant and someone apparently walked off with it. She kept saying "you told me." Dh actually felt losing it was.punishment enough but I am the disciplinarian in our house.

tichellady ↓

Tue, Sep 17 2024, 9:03 am

On one hand I get wanting to teach a lesson, on the other hand, I lose things all the time and I don’t think punishing me would help

So probably helping to teach systems and set her up for success is the best method

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Sep 17 2024, 9:22 am

amother Sage wrote:

So you felt you had to punish her for having something she saved up for and bought with her own money stolen?

I mean..

amother

Magenta ↓

Tue, Sep 17 2024, 10:03 am

tichellady wrote:

It's not a punishment. It's natural consequences.

↑ tichellady

Tue, Sep 17 2024, 10:13 am

amother Magenta wrote:

It's not a punishment. It's natural consequences.

I don’t think that so honest.