How are you distributing newly working girl earnings

amother

↑ Watermelon ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:42 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

In the secular world, upper middle class and upper class people save up to pay for their childrens college. There, I fixed that for you.

In our world, the expectation is that everyone is upper class.

(And they also don't have 10 kids).

Therein lies the problem.

Find me a society where everyone can be part of the upper class. It's impossible, because the true upper class will always outdo the others, and the lower class will always continue to struggle to keep up.

And if you expect conformity throughout that society, the ones on the lower end end up in bad situations.

↑ doodlesmom ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 7:30 am

So seems like either you can let your daughter keep her savings to help with expenses after the wedding, while you pay for the wedding

Or you can use her savings for the wedding, and then help her out monthly with her expenses after the wedding (support).

It 12 of one, or a dozen of the other…

amother

↑ Lily

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 7:39 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Op, what kind of work does your daughter do to make such a nice salary?

Normal starting salary nowadays is $1000 a week.

amother

↑ Watermelon

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 8:23 am

doodlesmom wrote:

Why? She can do both - pay for the wedding and support herself after the wedding.

amother

Holly

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 8:50 am

amother Watermelon wrote:

Many college students pay their own way. They work and take out student loans. If the parents don't have the means, the kids know the college costs are on them. The expectation that the parents will go into debt for it, or ask for charity, is non-existent.

Also college is generally viewed as an investment in the ability of a person to be self supporting for the rest of their life. It is rightfully viewed as having an excellent return on investment as even liberal arts graduates earn more than high school graduates statistically.

A wedding is just a money drain. Many secular families give their children the choice of a contribution to a wedding or a similar amount as help for a future down payment.

And all but the wealthiest parents make rational decisions in terms of college expenses - less expensive community or state universities.

amother

Cream

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:13 pm

When I started working, my father sat me down. He said I can continue to have free room and board and basics for clothing on condition I invested most of my paycheck. So after maaser and a small "allowance" I had to invest the rest. I thank him for this, because when I did get married, I had two nest eggs. One we used when I had a baby and no paid maternity leave and a down payment for a car. The second we have not touched. BH it's grown in the last 25 years.

↑ doodlesmom ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:15 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

Why? She can do both - pay for the wedding and support herself after the wedding.

For many young couples whose husband starts out in kollel, 1 salary is not enough.

Rent in Brooklyn can start at $2500 for 2 rooms.

amother

Chestnut

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:22 pm

amother Cream wrote:

I saved my earnings from when I was single, and used them for a downpayment on a house. My daughter got married last year, and she recently did the same BH.

No one had to sit me down to tell me to do this. I made my own choices. So did my daughter. And it was fine if she went on a vacation or two here and there with her friends, too. One has to live in the single years.

amother

↑ Cognac

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 1:10 pm

amother Lily wrote:

Normal starting salary nowadays is $1000 a week.

Please define normal.
I guess I don’t have a normal job and I’m older than the OP’s daughter🤷‍♀️

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 1:29 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

For many young couples whose husband starts out in kollel, 1 salary is not enough.

Rent in Brooklyn can start at $2500 for 2 rooms.

Yes but what other expenses do they really have before kids? Especially in the chasidish world where they dont eat home much for the first few months.

↑ doodlesmom ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 1:53 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

Yes but what other expenses do they really have before kids? Especially in the chasidish world where they dont eat home much for the first few months.

If she makes $3200 let’s say post tax

$320 maaser?
$2500 for rent
$300 for utilities and phones
$300 for minimal groceries (if they eat supper away)
$100 transportation (to said suppers? Etc)
$50 his and her mikvah (or prenatal lol)

They haven’t done a sheitel, bought an item, did anything for yom tov (Ie esrog) paid for insurance….and they’re in the red!

amother

Topaz

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 2:10 pm

It’s her money. Period the end. Nothing should be done with it without her express consent it’s called gezel I think . My children contribute to the family system in none financial ways while they are home. Then they get married.

amother

Raspberry

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 2:26 pm

I am chasidish. My parents encouraged us to put away earnings for a down-payment.
Two of us used the money towards buying a house.
One of us opened a business with it.

↑ synthy

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 2:34 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

2 things to note: 1, they may not have to pay 320 masser. I was told to deduct all basic living expenses and then pay masser from what’s left.
2, every kollel pays something. Even if it’s only $100 a week that’s $400, enough to take them out of the red.

amother

Lightpink

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 2:37 pm

amother Lily wrote:

Normal starting salary nowadays is $1000 a week.

That’s before taxes .. If she is single I would expect an least an quarter to go to taxes
Which is under 800

↑ doodlesmom

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 4:24 pm

synthy wrote:

So you’re saying their wage covers the basics exactly, and everything else would usually come out of savings or support.
By me that meant- maternity clothes, airplane trip to in-laws, yom tov expenses, gifting- spousal and friends simchas, any extracurricular we did, any price of clothing or household good that needed replacing.

If she won’t have savings, she will probably need support.
Or she can pay for some of her wedding, and keep some savings.