How are you distributing newly working girl earnings

amother

Gray ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:23 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

I’m chasidish and I paid for my wedding and all its expenses. I plan on my dd’s helping out with wedding expenses as well.

Same. I earned nicely for 2 years before marriage & got married with an empty bank account. It was perfectly OK because I used it all on my own expenses- vort, wedding, clothing, choson gifts etc.

The only difference is that I managed it myself, my parents didn't handle my bank account.

It was actually a great feeling for me at the time & even today many years later. I didn't need to burden my wonderful loving parents who committed the grave sin of not sitting on extra cash after raising a wonderful family.

amother

↑ Gray ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:26 pm

amother Fern wrote:

In my circles she does whatever she wants with it. She can ask for advice but that’s about it. It’s her money. If you want her to contribute to the wedding say so, but don’t think it’s right to control her money.

I wouldn't call it contribute. It's her wedding. The parents if they pay are contributing.

amother

↑ Taupe ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:26 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Like someone else mentioned, the title of this thread is very off putting. How are you distributing her funds? It’s fine to advise/ask her to put away money for her wedding or maybe even her share of household expenses. However this shouldn’t be YOU putting away HER money. It’s just this mindset that you’re controlling her income that is bothering me.

Maybe op’s daughter asked her mom for help budgeting her money? And op is here for advice?

amother

↑ Taupe

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:33 pm

The amount of the things chassidish girls get for their wedding, is way above anywhere in the world.

Wigs, ten pairs of shoes, 8 new Shabbos dresses, 10 new vochen outfits, house clothes, brand new underwear, lingerie, sleepwear, snoods, coats, furniture - including dining room sets, kitchen sets, bedroom sets, sofas, kitchen utensils from plates to cutlery to Braun (obviously) food processor. They get rugs, bedding, window treatments, fancy towels, diffusers, Knick knacks and what not.

Why shouldn’t they pay for some of it?

amother

↑ Gray ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:35 pm

amother Caramel wrote:

I did not read all responses but my parents did not take a penny from me.

They paid for my entire wedding bh
and all my savings bef marriage was used for my expenses and bills after marriage while my Husband was still in kollel.

Chassidish here.

And I plan on doing the same for my daughters.

I did use my own money for random food, going out with friends, random cosmetics.. clothes my parents bought and paid for.

It's wonderful that they could afford it.
Today even a basic wedding plus gifts, clothing, Sheva brachos, renting & basic apartment set up can be the better part of 100k. And when they already did it for 3 children in the past 5 years you need to be quite wealthy to afford that.

amother

↑ Gray ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:53 pm

amother Lily wrote:

A simple wedding does not cost 100K. I big problem in chassidish communities is that people refuse to live within their means & everyone wants to look like they're rich. People are busy keeping up with the Kohens instead of living within their means.

Actually, a typical chassidish wedding today is on a lower standard than is common in most communities . No live music, no real flowers except bridal bouquet, no video , no shmorg, no alcohol ( just a bottle brought for benching) etc
Some even do only electronic invites.

amother

Pansy

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:55 pm

amother Gray wrote:

How do they do only electronic invites if internet is banned?

amother

PlumPink

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:57 pm

amother Gray wrote:

Umm whaaat? I work in the chasidish takana industry in BP and no most weddings dont look like what you're describing.

There is a LIVE one man band, video becoming more and more common etc.

amother

↑ Lily ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:15 pm

amother Gray wrote:

This is a tekana wedding. This is not a typical chassidish wedding.

amother

↑ Gray ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:19 pm

amother Lily wrote:

This is a tekana wedding. This is not a typical chassidish wedding.

Almost all weddings I attend are tekana weddings, I guess I don't have wealthy family & friends.

amother

↑ Gray ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:22 pm

amother Pansy wrote:

How do they do only electronic invites if internet is banned?

Text, hang invite in shul & community daily whatever they call those daily simcha papers they give out. My extended family has a simcha robocall. A limited amount of personal calls like to older great aunt's & uncles.

amother

↑ Gray

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:26 pm

amother PlumPink wrote:

Umm whaaat? I work in the chasidish takana industry in BP and no most weddings dont look like what you're describing.

There is a LIVE one man band, video becoming more and more common etc.

Not all of us are in bp & dj is actually a part of some tekana halls.

amother

Moonstone

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

My oldest just started working... shes earning about $800 a week and we distributed the money as follows... Im just wondering what others do...
$80 Masser
$30 Spending money
$500 towards her wedding iy"h
$25 IRA account (my husband likes to train them early on that)
$165 her daily expenses - mostly clothing which she needs a lot of now....

Give maaser and everything else goes straight to savings.

↑ notshanarishona

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:21 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

That’s insane

amother

↑ Viola

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:46 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

That's insanity and you know it.

Its like me telling you this is the internet and you know it.

I agree it is insane.
So are tuitions and so are seminary expenses in other communities which in my opinion are a total waste of money.

amother

Snowflake

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:53 pm

Not Chasidish. was working and bh had nice savings. still wanted my parents (not rich) to pay for wedding, photographer, florist. I did pay for shaitel, gown. but it was important to me that my parents are being parents and paying for a wedding.

I did help parents to pay wedding for other siblings. bh.

amother

↑ Oldlace ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:09 pm

amother Viola wrote:

Its like me telling you this is the internet and you know it.

I agree it is insane.
So are tuitions and so are seminary expenses in other communities which in my opinion are a total waste of money.

This is completely off topic, but I don't think tuition and seminary is a waste of money. Much more worthwhile than spending so much money on one night and expensive clothing/furniture.

amother

↑ Watermelon ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:33 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

In the secular world, parents usually save up to pay for college. People also tend to get married much later, when both the bride and groom hopefully have good jobs and savings.

Many college students pay their own way. They work and take out student loans. If the parents don't have the means, the kids know the college costs are on them. The expectation that the parents will go into debt for it, or ask for charity, is non-existent.

amother

↑ Oldlace

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:39 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

In the secular world, parents usually save up to pay for college. People also tend to get married much later, when both the bride and groom hopefully have good jobs and savings.

In the secular world, upper middle class and upper class people save up to pay for their childrens college. There, I fixed that for you.

In our world, the expectation is that everyone is upper class.

(And they also don't have 10 kids).

amother

↑ Watermelon ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:39 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

This is completely off topic, but I don't think tuition and seminary is a waste of money. Much more worthwhile than spending so much money on one night and expensive clothing/furniture.

Tuition and seminary doesn't even come close to

- buying expensive furniture for a tiny apartment and will quite possibly not fit in a larger home.

- buying large amount of clothing and shoes that will go out of style short and may hardly get worn because her figure may change after pregnancy

- spending thousands upon thousands for the gowns for the family for just the one night

- obscene amount of expensive gifts

Etc...

And I'm chassidish and don't send my kids to seminary.