Creative Solutions to the Expensive Wedding Crisis

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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Would you make a wedding like this?

Yes!

[ 7 ]

No way

84%

[ 62 ]

Ummm maybe

[ 4 ]

Total Votes : 73

Boca00 ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:34 pm

Imagine a world where weddings were purely happy occasions.

The parents would dance with full hearts and unbridled joy, without the crushing mental load of 30k or 100k keeping them up at night and causing serious health conditions.

The kallah would glow at a gorgeous wedding venue, surrounded by her loved ones. She wouldn’t feel less than her friends.

The chosson would dance the night away with his friends and Rebbeim.

Random acquaintances would be safely ensconced at home, happy to have been invited and relieved they didn’t have to get dressed up and hire a babysitter at the end of a long day.

Sounds like a dream, right?

What if we could make this happen?

Here’s my solution- and I’d love to hear yours.

Let’s bring destination weddings to the mainstream frum world.

A gorgeous destination wedding in Costa Rica costs a non-Jewish couple about 5- 10K. I wonder what it would cost for a kosher wedding. The pictures are beyond stunning. Like it makes me WANT to make a wedding.

You can invite all your acquaintances and friends and those who feel really close will come. The tickets are not that crazy.

(Alternatively, there are other beautiful venues in other countries and small US cities that could qualify as destination weddings.)

What a great way to start a new life together.

Molly Weasley

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:49 pm

First of all, kosher food would make this an entirely different type of affair. Then come the traveling cost. Have you factored that in?

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:52 pm

I’d hate that. I hate travel as it is, I’d find it super stressful to have to shlep the clothing and arrange things from so far. No thanks.

amother

Blush ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:54 pm

Destination weddings are a selfish way of offloading the expenses of a wedding on the attendees.

(Have you calculated the expense for the family for the siblings of the chosson/kallah to attend with their children? Now add grandparents. Aunts and uncles. And that's just a bare bones guest list. Forget rebbeim, friends, and other important people.

Also, don't forget the costs of kosher food and the tznius issues of a beach wedding.

Plus all the missed work / learning / school that a destination wedding imposes on the poor siblings of the chosson/kallah.)

amother

Daylily ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:56 pm

Backyard weddings
Covid style but slightly larger
This is my dream

Or even a Sheva brachos hall wedding. With people that matter and want to be there.

amother

Jean

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:59 pm

I feel like my non-Jewish and not-religious friends/family resent destination weddings. Unless you pay for everyone you're still asking close friends and family to shell out a lot for flights, hotel, food beyond the wedding. They have to take off work, arrange childcare for longer than a night, etc. The couple often gets a deal or free accomodations for bringing all the business to the resort but it's on the backs of their loved ones paying for rooms.

amother

Pear

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:00 pm

I can't afford to go to 5+ destination weddings a year. Not even from the financial angle... What would I do with my kids while I'm gallivanting? Would bosses allow their employees to just take off whenever to jet off to Costa Rica.

Also unless the wedding is serving airline meals costs will skyrocket. Importing kosher food, hiring mashgiach is a HUGE expense!!

Not a fan sorry:(

amother

NeonBlue

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:01 pm

Have you ever been to a destination wedding?

The food costs way more because the kitchen has to be made kosher or everything is flown in.

Bride will usually fly in hair and makeup because you can't necessarily find someone good in a random place - so that expense increases.

The family has to fly in, get accommodations, lots of food and eating out, deal with all their little kids being off schedule and somewhere with no babysitters.

Entire band or other frum wedding vendors are flown in. They don't just exist in Mexico.

You can cut out the friends and extended family but it's not a more enjoyable wedding even for the immediate family.

amother

↑ Blush ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:06 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

Backyard weddings
Covid style but slightly larger
This is my dream

Or even a Sheva brachos hall wedding. With people that matter and want to be there.

Be aware that if you want dancing (and especially if you want dancing on both sides of the mechitza, not just for men) the prices rise significantly. Backyards weddings that had dancing (as opposed to the weddings in March where people were social distancing and not coming close enough to dance) often needed (very expensive) dance floors. Sheva brachos halls are often not big enough for dancing, or they might be big enough to only have men dancing but not women dancing.

As someone who made a wedding during covid, I found that many of these supposed cost saving measures didn't help much or actually increased the costs.

amother

Winterberry ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:10 pm

You can do breslov/yoily roth style wedding. in shul. plastic tablescape. everything cheap cheap.
and they are happy!!

amother

↑ Winterberry

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:11 pm

There's a community, I forgot which one, the chosson/kallah pay for their own weddings and their children each pay for their own weddings too.
this way the parents dont need to worry multiple times and keep running into debt. its once in a lifetime expense per person

amother

Ghostwhite

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:13 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

Backyard weddings
Covid style but slightly larger
This is my dream

Or even a Sheva brachos hall wedding. With people that matter and want to be there.

I got married before covid but wish backyard weddings were a thing then. They were so gorgeous.

zaq

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:19 pm

If you invited me to a destination wedding, I would wish you a warm mazel tov, full stop. You wouldn't have to foot the bill for my meals because I wouldn't be attending. If I'm going to travel, it will be when and where **I** , not you, would like to go.

amother

↑ Daylily

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:24 pm

amother Blush wrote:

I'm not a big dancer but whatever people did back in the shtetl should still work fine today

↑ Boca00 ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:26 pm

Aww you all have such good points!

If it became a thing, then someone would open a catering company and work out talented hair and makeup artists. The costs should go down on that.
However I could hear it being complicated and expensive for people that have to go.

Would love to hear more ideas!

GLUE

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:29 pm

In a non Jewish magazine(this was years ago I think it was Bride)they were writing the pro's and con's of destination wedding.
One of the big cons was lack of people, most people are not traveling to a destination wedding.
So if the purpose of a destination wedding is to save money then maybe that's how it happens nobody shows up.

Dolly Welsh ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:31 pm

Forget the hair and makeup. Look the way you usually do.

Are you worried about the photographs and videos? Don't.

Yes, let us have "village style" weddings back. Siiimple.

↑ Dolly Welsh

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:36 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

You can do breslov/yoily roth style wedding. in shul. plastic tablescape. everything cheap cheap.
and they are happy!!

This.

Really, this.

ainodmilvado1

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:54 pm

Boca00 wrote:

Random acquaintances would be safely ensconced at home, happy to have been invited and relieved they didn’t have to get dressed up and hire a babysitter at the end of a long day.

This is GOLD!!! This alone was worth the whole post.

amother

Molasses

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:00 pm

Boca00 wrote:

From the costs of marrying off a child the actual wedding is a tenth of the price.
It is setting up the couple
Houseware
Linens
It is the gifts
It is the vort and shabbos sheva brachos
Shadchan payment
Wigs
Kalla classes….
Don’t think your solution will save that much

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