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Forum
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-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Birch
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 Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:03 pm
| Chayalle wrote: | | I have a fantastic peanut butter chocolate chip cookie recipe. It came from a Binah magazine from years ago when I used to subscribe, and it's even margarine-free, made with oil. I can go dig it up upon request.....my neighbor's sons once polished off a whole batch in a single sitting. |
Yes please
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justforfun87
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:04 pm
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I am a school nurse who deals with allergies a lot. I honestly don't know how ANYONE who has anaphalactic reactions eat food they don't prepare. Knowing my own kitchen the risk is too much. I cringe when I see people with allergies eating at resteraunts. It is completely on her to have made you aware!!
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Chayalle
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:12 pm
Tottally OT (with apologies to the OP)...
Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Cookies
Mixture #1:
1/2 c oil
1/2 c sugar
1/2 cu brown sugar
1 Tbsp cocoa
2 eggs
1 Tbsp vanilla sugar
1 1/2 C flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
Mixture #2:
1/2 C chocolate chips
1/2 C peanut butter (regular or chunky)
1/4 C confectioners sugar
Swirl both mixtures together (I once made them all into one mixture accidentally, and it was fine.) Refrigerate for 1/2 hour. Make small cookie balls, about walnut sized, on cookie sheet.
Bake at 350 for 10 minutes. DO NOT OVERBAKE. These are soft cookies.
I have a note to self on recipe ALWAYS DOUBLE THIS. It doesn't make alot. I should rewrite the recipe in double.
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tichellady
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:32 pm
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Definitely her responsibility
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amother
Wisteria
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:40 pm
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I can’t understand grown adults who have allergies and just eat without asking. That is so irresponsible of them. It’s 100% on them. I always wondered about those news story deathly allergic adult goes to party and dies eating a food with allergy. And I wonder how they failed to check what was in it. As someone with sensitives I ask about every single food I eat, and it’s not actually dangerous for me just uncomfortable. I cannot understand being irresponsible about your life.
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amother
Trillium
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:45 pm
I don't believe it's your responsibility. If you ask it's a nice gesture.
My son away in yeshiva is anaphylactic to nuts, peanuts, and dairy (with cross contamination with chocolate only). I remind him when he goes to people for shabbos meals to bring his epi and tell the host his allergies.
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amother
Lilac
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:45 pm
As an adult 100% they’re responsibility, a kid then it’s the parents responsibility to inform.
I would suggest you not serve something like peanut butter which is a high allergy item at a communal event, I make sure never to take out in a public etc.
2 suggestions:
1. Maybe put up a sign in an obvious place that if anyone has any allergies they should please inform the host.
2. Any food item with nuts or sesame or other high allergy item that is usually ok to put out make sure it’s obvious that it has that item inside and it’s not blended in (think Viennese crunch is very obvious that it has nuts) (peanut butter is one of the only items I know that people can have a dangerous reaction just by smell so I’d suggest to not put it out)
Either way if anything happens it’s definitely not your responsibility.
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out-of-towner
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:48 pm
| watergirl wrote: | | Also - now I am REALLY in the mood for a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie. Note to all - the pb cookie recipe in the BY cookbook, but add chocolate chips. You'll thank me. |
A few days ago I found myself in Whole Foods doing Amazon returns and I was browsing in hopes of finding a snack that my CY and PY Makpid self and family could eat. I was hoping to find vegan GF doughnuts but alas there were none. However I did find the most delicious soft baked chocolate peanut butter cookies that had an OK Pas Yisrael on them! They were reminiscent of the Trader Joe's ones that were discontinued a few years ago. My kids didn't love the PB flavor but I was one happy Mommy!
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amother
Daisy
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:54 pm
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It’s not your responsibility. Guests need to tell you if they have an allergy. Having said that, as a hostess you don’t need to avoid all allergens, you don’t need to cook without wheat, soy, eggs etc, but if you host lots of guests, nuts and peanuts are two very common allergens that some people are severely allergic to and it would be a good idea to avoid them all together.
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amother
Steelblue
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 2:40 pm
As someone with friends and family with allergies, it's totally on them to mention and be cautious. As others have mentioned I don't know anyone with a severe reaction to something be so careless about what they eat. And not have their epipen handy.
I personally am intolerant to some foods but I make do as there's usually enough foods I can eat and I just avoid the ones I can't. But obviously intolerance and a severe stomachache is very different to an allergic reaction.
As the host I might avoid major allergens such as nuts or sesame, or at least announce it-this is a peanut butter cookie, these ones have sesame so people are aware.
If it's someone I know, I will make sure to avoid the foods they can't have and to make sure there's things they can have. My nephew can't have strawberries but it's my dd's favorite fruit and it wouldn't be shabbos without them. So we just have 2 plates, one with for my dd and one without.
I think it's easier for people who have dealt with allergies as it makes us more aware. There's so many foods that people don't even realize can contain allergens, different soup mixes, sauces as well as the obvious.
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amother
Whitewash
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 3:07 pm
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An adult knows not only to check before eating anything, but that anything really truly means ANYTHING. They are aware of all the sneaky places their allergen might be in that wouldn't even occur to anyone without an allergy. But as someone who doesn't have allergies or kids with allergies, even I know that dessert is a super common culprit for nuts/peanuts and if I had to be concerned, that would the first food I'd think to check. But there are definitely things that I wouldn't even think might have nuts or whatever. So while yes, I ask people ahead of time "any allergies I should know about?" I still would need to rely on the person telling me, oh, xyz often contains ABC allergen, so I need to check if you made it that way.
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amother
Eggshell
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 3:08 pm
Honestly, for my kid with an anaphylactic allergy, I bring her own food. For my own non anaphylactic allergies, I tell the host.
This isn't on you.
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synthy
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Thu, Sep 12 2024, 8:46 am
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My 3 year old brother is allergic to nuts (not deadly BH) and he knows to ask before eating anything. Very strange for a grown woman to just assume that foods are allergen free.
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amother
Lightgreen
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Thu, Sep 12 2024, 8:51 am
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To me, it sounds like the guest was chastising herself. Yes, it's her responsibility. And she forgot to tell you (or felt nervous to ask for something like that but still knows she should have) and then forgot or didn't ask about the cookies, plus she left her epipen in the car, and now it's hitting her how dangerous/stupid all of that was.
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singleagain
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Thu, Sep 12 2024, 10:39 am
I know twins. one had sever food restrictions by the time they were 3 and coming over the non allergic would always ask "does it have food? My twin can't have it"
Ironically nuts was one the few foods that were allowed and encouraged. So one room in the school became the nut room. As the rest of school was nut free
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amother
Emerald
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Thu, Sep 12 2024, 10:42 am
It's on the allergic person to say so.
But to be dllz, you're the Rebetzin and it was a big crowd and she likely felt awkward.
I have children with allergies and I'm always super careful to tell and ask. I know it's my responsibility. At the same time. Have I been in situations where it was too awkward to ask? Yes. Does that make me right? No, but I understand.
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scruffy
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Thu, Sep 12 2024, 10:46 am
| watergirl wrote: | | Also - now I am REALLY in the mood for a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie. Note to all - the pb cookie recipe in the BY cookbook, but add chocolate chips. You'll thank me. |
These are my favorite chocolate and PB cookies
https://smittenkitchen.com/201.....kies/
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amother
Babypink
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Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:12 pm
I have an anaphylactic allergy to nuts. The responsibility is on me. I always appreciate when people ask, but I never expect them to ask.
Just to help you understand what may have happened with your guest, when I was in my early 20s, I lived far away from my family and ended up somewhere else for shabbos evry week. I have some anxiety and it was very awkward for me to have to tell people about my allergies every week for years because it is constantly inconveniencing people all the time and I felt like such a burden on every one. So at some point I just stopped telling my hosts, because I was also busy being young and carefree and thought I had a good handle on what might have nuts in it and thought that was enough because people almost never die from allergies and I had an epipen or two in my bag (although y bag wasnt always physically on me either, but it was usually not too far off). So I didn't tell people about my allergies. I might casually ask what something is or what's in something because I 'wanted the recipe', so make it seem like a natural question instead. Then once I was at someone's house for shabbos and they brought out some nuts at the end of the meal and offered me and I casually said I was allergic and the hosts got really upset and said I should have told them, because there could have been cross contamination and they would rather be incovenienced up front than make me sick or dead. That was a wake up call for me about how stupidly foolish I had been, and I could have actually died, and from then on I always tell people. It was my responsibility at every point, never the hosts, I was just young and anxious and a bit foolish. Thank G-d, I lived through it.
Unfortunately, since I started telling hosts, people have told me outright they won't host or serve me because they can't be sure about the allergies, so now we almost never go anywhere for shabbos meals, and I have very little social life on shabbos. Sometimes people don't mention allergies because people don't want to accommodate and it is just sad to be left out because of it. However, even with that, it is still totally my responsibility, not my hosts, and I have to live with my situation, but I won't risk my life anymore to avoid something awkward.
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amother
Brunette
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Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:31 pm
Definitely her responsibility. I have a relatively mild allergy to a really common food (one that no one thinks to ask about) and I would never eat something that could have it in it without asking.
But on the other hand, I think people do forget or if they’re somewhere they’re comfortable with they think it’s safe. I once brought cookies to a Shabbos meal that had almond flavoring in them. I’d asked the host and knew their family allergies, but didn’t know a guest with allergies would be there. Neither she nor her parents asked and when they mentioned later in the meal her allergy and I realized she’d eaten one, we all panicked because she’d left for bnos already. BH the flavoring turned out to be imitation, and she was ok, but they’re a very responsible family and it was just a lack of communication between everyone.
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amother
Peru
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Thu, Sep 12 2024, 1:09 pm
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I am highly allergic to tree nuts. I probably wouldn't have told you in advance at you can be very sure I would never have eaten any cookie without asking what it is. And even more likely, I'd probably just skip the cookies altogether. It's way too risky and not worth it.
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