Allergies- Whose responsibility?

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:31 pm

If you have an anaphylactic allergy and you are invited to someone for a shabbos meal, is it your responsibility to share your allergy, or is it the hosts responsibility?

I am a communal rebbetzin and entertain a lot of guests almost every shabbos and when I invite people, I try and ask if there are any food allergies or limitations (vegan)

Anyway. I really host on a large scale and sometimes I forget to ask. I usually ask at the beginning of the meal. But this past shabbos lunch was stressful for some reason and I forgot to. Was a wonderful meal, at the end I bring out a platter of different cookies and cake.

As I am clearing the table for benching, a guest says, hey can I have another one of those peanut butter cookies. They are delicious.
And the lady sitting next to me, gasps and goes. Those have peanut butter. I didn’t know and I thought they were honey and I almost took one. Thank gd I didn’t. I am deathly allergic. I had the chocolate chip cookie instead. I could have died.

I have been so shaken up since this incident. I feel sick that I could have almost killed someone (especially since she had left her Epi pen in the car- which she had parked down the block out of respect)

But now I am thinking. If you have a deathly allergy surely you inform the host.
I do really try and ask, but it’s not front and center in my mind.

watergirl ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

And the lady sitting next to me, gasps and goes. Those have peanut butter. I didn’t know and I thought they were honey and I almost took one. Thank gd I didn’t. I am deathly allergic. I had the chocolate chip cookie instead. I could have died.

Yeah, I call baloney on her claim. If she really had an anaphylactic allergy to peanuts that is so bad it can kill her, not only would she have told you, but she would have known a cookie is a potential danger and asked first. Not only that, the cross contamination of the cookie she DID have would have been enough to harm her. And yet she left her epi pen in the car? Yeah, no. Drama lover - maybe. Deathly allergy? No.

It's the host responsibility to ask about an allergy but it's the guest's responsibility to tell the host if it's that common of an allergy and THAT serious. In other words, it's a shared job.

amother

Tulip

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:37 pm

Totally her responsiblity. She sounds bizarre. She just assumed they were honey cookies and wouldn't even have asked??
I never heard of an adult with such a severe allergy being so lax. They don't eat a thing before asking. What if you had peanut crusted chicken?

amother

Gladiolus

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:39 pm

Definitely hers.
My kid 5 has a friend who has a peanut allergy, it's only if he eats it so they are allowed to bring peanut food in and he knows to ask for each food by a siyum if he can have it. He was by me, I was giving them a snack and automatically he said does it have peanuts in, I'm allergic.
It should be a first question as soon as food comes in front of them.

amother

Chestnut

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:43 pm

watergirl wrote:

This. And if she really had a deadly allergy should would have her epipen in her purse.

imaima

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

It’s on her.
I mean she knows it about herself doesn’t she? Should have told you when you started cooking

mha3484

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:50 pm

Her responsibility 100% but if I was hosting large Kiruv type meals with people I barely know I would either avoid things like peanut butter cookies or make them very identifiable somehow. Either actual nuts in the cookie you can see or a label of some sort. Also call me a cheapskate nuts are expensive if I am going to make a recipe with them and you take one bite and say I dont like nuts thats a waste. Better its clear what your eating first.

I remember reading a story on the restaurant facebook group about someone with a peanut allergy but he said he hates the taste of peanuts so he never had an issue because if something even looked like a peanut he wasn't interested until it got snuck in his dish at a restaurant and he almost died. Its probably a good habit to make sure people know what they are eating.

Last edited by mha3484 on Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:54 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Ghostwhite

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:55 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Her responsibility 100% but if I was hosting large Kiruv type meals with people I barely know I would either avoid things like peanut butter cookies or make them very identifiable somehow. Either actual nuts in the cookie you can see or a label of some sort.

I remember reading a story on the restaurant facebook group about someone with a peanut allergy but he said he hates the taste of peanuts so he never had an issue because if something even looked like a peanut he wasn't interested until it got snuck in his dish at a restaurant and he almost died. Its probably a good habit to make sure people know what they are eating.

No, sorry, someone who handles a life threatening allergy by avoiding dishes that don't sound interesting is to blame if he accidentally eats something he's allergic to. Not the restaurant. They weren't being sneaky. If he cared, he'd ask what's in the food instead of taking chances and guessing.

Chayalle ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:55 pm

watergirl wrote:

This is not always the case, watergirl.

My 10 year old niece is allergic to peanuts. She can actually tolerate a small minute amount before an anaphylactic reaction would start. She took a tolerance test at CHOP where they slowly exposed her to peanuts, and she could actually ingest part of a peanut safely, but eventually the wheezing started, and they had to give her the epi-pen and even oxygen. They did this because now they know she can be in the same room as peanuts, and can have a non-peanut cookie from the platter. But if she would actually take the peanut-butter cookie, that could be potentially dangerous, depending on how much peanut she'd ingest.

The cross-contamination can be different for every allergic person.

I agree it's not the host's responsibility, especially in an adult. My niece knows all by herself to check, she will say to me "Aunt Chayalle, can I have those cookies? Do they have any peanuts?"

amother

Pansy

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:56 pm

Mo kiamcha yisroel!
Thank you for all that you do for klal yisroel.
Onto of all your responsibilities it is beautiful you ho the extra mile to try to accommodate dietary needs and wishes.
It is impossible for a large scale host to accommodate everyone. Just tge fact that you try is amazing.
Anyone with medical need especially a potentially fatal one needs to be responsible for their own needs and ensure they only go places with the right safety precautions in place.

Ema of 5

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:58 pm

scintilla wrote:

That was incredibly irresponsible of her not to tell you and not to bring it up at all! If her allergy is that serious she could have had an anaphylactic reaction from cross contamination that could have happened in the kitchen while baking or plating.

I agree. You can ask, but anyone with any kind of dietary restrictions or allergies (especially such severe ones) needs to be responsible when eating out.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:58 pm

watergirl wrote:

Also - now I am REALLY in the mood for a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie. Note to all - the pb cookie recipe in the BY cookbook, but add chocolate chips. You'll thank me.

I have a fantastic peanut butter chocolate chip cookie recipe. It came from a Binah magazine from years ago when I used to subscribe, and it's even margarine-free, made with oil. I can go dig it up upon request.....my neighbor's sons once polished off a whole batch in a single sitting.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:59 pm

watergirl wrote:

This. I know a couple of people with deadly allergies. They don't eat ANYTHING without asking what is in it. They warn hosts before they come or bring their own food if need be. And they ALWAYS carry an epi pen.
She may get a mild reaction, but I can't imagine that she has a deadly allergy

amother

Watermelon

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:02 pm

As someone with allergies....you NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT YOUR EPIPEN... it's irresponsible to your own life. This is no one else's responsibility. Moreover, if you have a deathly allergy you don't eat cookies that came in contact with your allergen. So....this story is strange. Also you would absolutely 💯 tell host. Rebbetzin, I'm sorry this happened to you and it's terrifying that Chas vshalom something terrible almost happened. Nevertheless, this is not on you.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:03 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

Like I posted above, the allergy can have slight differences depending on the amount of peanut ingested. My niece wouldn't have an issue with cross-contamination, but if she actually ate a peanut butter cookie she could have an anaphylactic reaction. But OP's guest was negligent for not mentioning her allergy, and eating anything at all without checking the ingredients first. My 10-year-old niece knows better that that.