How are you distributing newly working girl earnings

amother

Quince ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:49 am

Chayalle wrote:

When my girls were old enough to work, they were old enough to decide for themselves how to allocate their money.
We considered it our job to marry them off, though we did it for alot less than 100K.
Not Chassidish.

Chassidish here and agree. The money she earns is hers. We do encourage our children to put their money into savings and we feel that marrying them off is our achrayis.

amother

↑ Razzmatazz

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:53 am

amother Quince wrote:

Chassidish here and agree. The money she earns is hers. We do encourage our children to put their money into savings and we feel that marrying them off is our achrayis.

Let's talk to you in 15 years when you are marrying off your children and you are struggling to pay your own bills.
I don't know too many people that believe that children should marry themselves off.
I do know that people struggle to marry off their children, even very simply and there's something honorable and admirable of children that help marry themselves off if they have a nest egg put away from working.

I don't know of normal compassionate people that have the money to marry off their children but they don't use their own money, only they use their childrens money for the wedding.

amother

DarkMagenta

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:02 am

amother Waterlily wrote:

I’m assuming she’s 17/18.
I will assume she’ll get married within 2 yrs.
I know, a lot of assumptions.

$500x24months=$12,000
What is that?
2 Sheitels, some clothes, and some linens/towels/etc. for the house?

When op said wedding expenses I thought she meant the actual wedding, not the other expenses.

Op your breakdown is extremely reasonable

But please don’t spend $100K on the actual wedding

OP said per week, not per month

ftm1234

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:21 am

OP, I paid for everything I was gonna use after my wedding; appliances, furniture clothing etc. and my parents paid for the actual wedding night.

I spent a total of 35k on all my stuff and got married with $5000 in my bank account (my parents wanted me to get married with a min of $5000)

I was very happy with this setup.

amother

Bottlebrush

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:27 am

I'm not chasidish. My dd recently got married. She is in college and used her savings to help pay for college. We aren't eligible for nay government discounts and dd needed to contribute especially since she was going to school for many years.

Dh works with chasidish people. Every penny (just about) that their daughters earn goes into an account to help pay for the wedding.

I don't agree with it, but after making a wedding I understand the concept.

amother

Oatmeal

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:29 am

amother cornflower wrote:

We also have fund for each kid from time born. And I plan on making simple weddings. As cheap as community acceptable.

Can you please tell me what time of account/wedding fund you use to save up money for your kids? I’m looking into it. I always told myself it’s important to create an account like that I never followed through.

amother

↑ Natural

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:29 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

Trust me, most of these weddings are for the parents. How many of the girls friends are being there and how many are the parents friends, business acquaintances and random distant family members?

amother

Bellflower

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:33 am

I gave my paycheck to my parents, but I was from the few that did. I think it’s crazy, that it’s so abnormal. Parents do everything for their children. At that point you are paying her rent, groceries and medical bills (probably more). Parents work their entire lives for their children, and it is SO unacceptable for them to give back?

I do think spending money is important if it can be afforded, but if her parents are supporting her, no reason why it can’t go to them. And you want to put it towards a HER wedding.

essie14

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:42 am

Not chassidish
This is what we do.
DD 20+
We paid for college and all associated costs (books, transportation, all her expenses while she was in school)
Now she's working.
She pays for clothing, cell phone, entertainment/eating out, make up & toiletries, travel with friends
We don't charge her rent.

We have no idea how much money she makes and we have taught her about savings. She has a mandatory pension from work that she contributes to and she knows she needs to save for current wants (such as a trip) and for the future.

When she gets married we will cover all expenses for the night of the wedding (likely around $15K; weddings are split 50/50 in our circles) but she will be expected to pay for things like head coverings (if she chooses a wig maybe we will split that but more likely she will do scarves and hats), sheva brachot clothes.
In our circles it's expected that the couple will either rent a furnished apartment or buy inexpensive 2nd hand furniture to start out or Ikea stuff. If they need some assistance with the basics we will help but they'll likely start out in a 1 bedroom so not that much furniture is needed.

She doesn't want a huge wedding and neither do we. We feel the wedding is for the chattan and kallah and we don't plan to invite more than our close relatives and friends.
She's been working for several years post college and seems to be living nicely within her means.

amother

↑ cornflower

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:44 am

amother Oatmeal wrote:

I did it through a financial advisor. He was free but gets kickbacks.
I have direct deposit monthly. Each kid has their funds.
We do monthly bec this way you buy highs and lows of the market as it fluctuates.
Only in ‘safe’ mutual funds.

amother

Melon

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:47 am

It’s amazing that you are teaching her about budgeting. I am chassidish too. I put all my money in a cd and took it out to pay for my wedding leaving me with $600 to my name.

From my experience, it’s ok to use her money for the wedding but divide the amount in 2 accounts for before and after.
She should start her life with some extra money she can access .

Also give her choices in how to spend her wedding money. She might have other priorities than you. For example. Looking back I feel it wasn’t right my mother told which bechers I can pick from (the cheapest) and then I used my paycheck to pay. I would have preferred to get something nicer for $100 more and spent $100 less on something else.

↑ Chayalle

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:49 am

OP, even if your daughter will be expected to save/pay for her wedding expenses, she should be having control over her earnings and save them as needed. I don't see why you as parents would be involved or control that. Have a discussion with her on your expectations, and what she will need, and leave it at that.

amother

Tanzanite

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:49 pm

I paid for my own small wedding and expenses. I am an orphan on one side and my other parent isn’t involved
Thankful to Hashem for every second to be able to make it with grit. I am successful now in my professional and personal life.

amother

Tan

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:06 pm

amother Waterlily wrote:

Op said $500 a week, not a month. That means $2000 a month. $48,000 total.

amother

Valerian ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:10 pm

Op, she is working and that's her money. It's not right for you to take it. Set a budget for what you can afford for a basic wedding and if she wants extras or upgrades, let her pay for that herself. Let her know what to expect and give her advice, but let her handle her own money.

mfb

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:13 pm

Ruchel wrote:

I can't imagine making my child pay for rent. But again of course if they want a 100 000 wedding...

She probably means everything that goes into getting married, not just wedding night
Like furniture housewares, linens….. and clothing shoes shaitels… all that plus the wedding night.