How are you distributing newly working girl earnings

amother

↑ cornflower ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:55 am

We also have fund for each kid from time born. And I plan on making simple weddings. As cheap as community acceptable.

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:57 am

amother Viola wrote:

My daughters put away their entire paycheck and use for themselves whatever is necessary like clothing travel.

I love the idea of doing an IRA.
Also you're very organized. What can I say.

We do all the maser at once before her wedding when there will be many people reaching out for money.

Ps marrying off girls is more than 100k. Crying

Not including the wedding? It does not have to be that way.

amother

DarkGray ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:02 am

amother OP wrote:

OP here...
I wonder if the responses ive gotten is from people in the chassidish circles...
Why does her father have to bleed when marrying her off for $100k????

My parents pressured me to get married very young to somebody I barely knew. BH, I am very happy, but I never got to finish my degree or build up my savings. I would have been very resentful had all my earnings when I was single gone to pay for the wedding my parents wanted! I needed these earnings to help me be set up for married life on an entry level salary and getting pregnant right away.

Ruchel ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:04 am

100 000? So, 200 000 with his side? Or do you pay everything? Anyway 100 1000 if you have them should go toward an apartment... That's crazy for one day, even a wedding.

amother

↑ DarkGray ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:06 am

Ruchel wrote:

100 000? So, 200 000 with his side? Or do you pay everything? Anyway 100 1000 if you have them should go toward an apartment... That's crazy for one day, even a wedding.

I don't think it is for one day, it includes everything to help get the couple set up including wigs, furniture, etc.. Yes, community norms should be changed, it is insane.

paperflowers

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:07 am

This sounds like a good breakdown if she's on board with it. It's her money so at the end of the day she will decide what to do without. But if she is open to your input/help with this, it's a good plan. Even if she doesn't want your input, it's reasonable to let her know that you will expect her to contribute to her wedding so she can start putting money away for it.

giftedmom

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:08 am

amother OP wrote:

OP here...
I wonder if the responses ive gotten is from people in the chassidish circles...
Why does her father have to bleed when marrying her off for $100k????

This was done maybe 30 years ago. Almost no one makes their daughters pay anymore.

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:13 am

Chassidish here. The money earned when I was working before I got married (which wasn’t for too long since I got married young) went mostly into savings and some I used as spending money at my discretion. This is what tided us over after marriage. Was earning entry level salary, no support and the rent and groceries had to be paid from somewhere. My parents had a wedding fund set up for each of my siblings and they never asked us for money… wouldn’t have managed after marriage without those savings…
I had a takanos wedding. Didn’t go over the top
I have weddings funds set up now for each of my kids and hope to be able to marry them off without having to ask them to contribute IYH!

amother

Seablue

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:14 am

It's so not done in my circles to have the girl pay for her wedding! so bizarre. If you're not a well to do family you just make very simple wedding.

amother

Razzmatazz ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:17 am

amother Seablue wrote:

It's so not done in my circles to have the girl pay for her wedding! so bizarre. If you're not a well to do family you just make very simple wedding.

Even simple weddings cost a lot of money. I don't see why a girl shouldn't contribute if her parents are struggling to pay their own bills.

amother

↑ Waterlily

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:18 am

amother OP wrote:

My oldest just started working... shes earning about $800 a week and we distributed the money as follows... Im just wondering what others do...
$80 Masser
$30 Spending money
$500 towards her wedding iy"h
$25 IRA account (my husband likes to train them early on that)
$165 her daily expenses - mostly clothing which she needs a lot of now....

I’m assuming she’s 17/18.
I will assume she’ll get married within 2 yrs.
I know, a lot of assumptions.

$500x24months=$12,000
What is that?
2 Sheitels, some clothes, and some linens/towels/etc. for the house?

When op said wedding expenses I thought she meant the actual wedding, not the other expenses.

Op your breakdown is extremely reasonable

But please don’t spend $100K on the actual wedding

amother

↑ Lily ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:22 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

Even simple weddings cost a lot of money. I don't see why a girl shouldn't contribute if her parents are struggling to pay their own bills.

A simple wedding does not cost 100K. I big problem in chassidish communities is that people refuse to live within their means & everyone wants to look like they're rich. People are busy keeping up with the Kohens instead of living within their means.

amother

Ginger ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:24 am

amother Antiquewhite wrote:

When I was a girl I gave my full paycheck to my parents that they gave back after my wedding.

Do you agree with that theory?

Don't you think you would have benefited from the independence of learning how to save money on your own

amother

↑ Razzmatazz ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:25 am

amother Lily wrote:

It's not the wedding per se. It's the tnoyim, presents, setting up a household, clothing, night of wedding including gown, makeup, hair, wigs etc..

amother

↑ Lily ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:26 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

It's not the wedding per se. It's the tnoyim, presents, setting up a household, clothing, night of wedding including gown, makeup, hair, wigs etc..

I know. And if done simply, it still doesn't cost 100K.

amother

↑ Ginger

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:26 am

amother Lily wrote:

...most the communities where chasidem live are no longer set up for people to live on lower standards. By no fault of our own many people are very very stuck

imanotmommy ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:28 am

I agree that she should have the responsibility to figure out how to divide it, but 1. You should help her without her asking. 2. If it's expected that she will pay $x for her wedding, then give her the information that she needs to figure out what to do. give her a suggestion of how much to save for that, and leave the decision up to her.

Not OP directly, but people in general-I have no issue with kids paying for their own weddings, only with kids paying for their own wedding that their parents want. If she's using her own money for it, then she should have the option of spending $100k or of getting used furniture, 1 shaitel, and a wedding in shul.

amother

↑ Razzmatazz ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:30 am

amother Lily wrote:

I know. And if done simply, it still doesn't cost 100K.

So please start making the calculations, forgot to include Shabbos Sheva Brochos, the entire wedding thing from start to finish costs tons of money even on a lesser scale and not a grand thing. Keeping things very simple. If you have a household of 10 people, dressing everyone is costing you money even if you get stuff by a 'gemach' that's in reality just a cheap rental.
Money is not worth much these days. How about the price of eggs is $5.49? Can you manage to put food into the young couples home for less than $1,000.00? Talk about buying things from scratch like spices, oil, napkins, potatoes, rice, butter, bread, mayonaise, tuna, cups, simple things, not fancy sushi or anything store bought.

↑ imanotmommy

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 10:31 am

amother Ginger wrote:

Do you agree with that theory?

Don't you think you would have benefited from the independence of learning how to save money on your own

If she did that by choice, then it was the way that she chose to save on her own. Not much difference, unless someone has difficulty with the skill of depositing a check