My son won't talk in school

amother ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 1:39 pm

My son is 4.5, and he just started school 2 weeks ago. For various reasons, he did not go to preschool last year, so this is his first time out of the house. The teacher told me today that he has not spoken to her since school began, or to the other kids. On one occasion she heard him speak, but it wasn't addressed to anyone in particulour.

he speaks perfectly well at home, and to his siblings. He was always a little shy, so doesn't really speak to strangers. He likes school, and looks forward to going each day.

It could be selective mutism, or it could just be shyness.

do you think he will grow out of this? Or is it a real problem?

gryp ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:39 pm

I would deal with it right away, because although there's a chance it may get better, you don't want it to get worse.

What we did. is first get the child comfortable in the classroom with no one else around or least amount of people present as possible. Once you see him acting himself in the classroom, it's time to move on to the next step of getting him comfortable with his teachers or classmates, whichever is easier for him.

Playdates are a great way for your son to get to know his classmates in an out-of-school setting. Or bring him to the park when one of his classmates are there.

Does the teacher do "Show and Tell?" It's also a great way to open up a shy child.

For the next school year, it helps for the child to meet the teacher out of school during vacation.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 3:39 pm

GR wrote:

he sees some of his classmates every week in shul. And one of his teachers is also in shul pretty often. He seems happy in the classroom...he just doesn't talk.

he will talk to the teacher if I am present.

PIP ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 3:54 pm

I have 2 daughters who do not speak in school. They are ages 3 and 4. I have a lot of info on the matter, but it is still too early to tell if your son actually has selective mutism. You need to give him at least until Chanukah time, constantly being in touch with the teachers to see whether he is progressing or not. Send him in mitzvah notes EVERY SINGLE DAY. and DO NOT under ANY circumstances, encourage him to talk. Keep it all quiet, make it like it's normal. He will talk when he's ready. Don't even bring it up.
After Sukkot, go thru his class list with him and ask who he would want to invite over. Every week invite another friend that he choose.
If you want any more information, feel free to PM me, I'm in the same situation! I know someone who give a course on selective mutism, and they should get better in within a few weeks! (I'm in the process now)

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 2:47 am

PrettyInPink wrote:

Quote:

I wasn't making a big deal, but his teacher spoke about it to me in front of him. And then told him that if he speaks in school, she will write a note home.

After Sukkot, go thru his class list with him and ask who he would want to invite over. Every week invite another friend that he choose.
If you want any more information, feel free to PM me, I'm in the same situation! I know someone who give a course on selective mutism, and they should get better in within a few weeks! (I'm in the process now)

where can I find more info? I'm not in NY, so preferably online.

Isramom8

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 2:40 pm

My son wouldn't say a word the entire year of two year old gan in his classroom. But when they went outside to play in the yard, he would talk - he used recess to make up all the davening that he didn't say in the classroom. Weird. He outgrew this by the time he was three. I wasn't worried, but now that I have heard of selective mutism, I'd say check it out for your four year old.

I'm editing to add: I'm thinking he could have additional symptoms that you haven't paid attention to since he was not with peers till now. Chances are your son is just fine, but maybe have a doctor assess his general development and decide if there is any need for further concern.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 4:09 pm

the day after the teacher spoke to me about it, he started talking. She refused to give him a book until he asked for it. Plus I'd promised him a prize. And the next day he volunteered to act out a part in the parsha class. Not a speaking part, but still.

I think he was just getting used to school.

we'll see how it goes.

octopus

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 4:19 pm

amother wrote:

. She refused to give him a book until he asked for it. And the next day he volunteered to act out a part in the parsha class.

That is fantastic! Baby steps! the teacher is doing all the right things.

↑ gryp

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 5:28 pm

Amother, I'm glad to hear your son is talking and just needed a bit more time to open up. Just fyi, that's clearly not a case of being selective-mute since he responded to pressure put on him to talk. To a child who is selective-mute, that's the absolute worst thing a teacher can do. Because in real selective-mutism, it's not that the child doesn't want to talk, but he physically can't. The words just don't come out.

↑ amother

Mon, Sep 15 2008, 2:56 am

GR wrote:

yes, I was worried that her approach might backfire. But it was pretty clear from those websites that not talking in the first few weeks of school is pretty normal.

He is still not talking for the hebrew teacher, though he is participating much more. Should she do the same thing as the secular teacher?

↑ PIP

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 8:28 pm

Tell the teacher to constantly strike up conversation w\ your son. They love to be talked to, it makes them feel so important, and special. "Your kippah is such nice, Is it new?" "I saw your mommy drop you off today with the baby, your baby is soo cute!" "That is a beautiful picture you are coloring, I love those colors etc." Give them something to talk about so they can continue on with the conversation without having to think about what the answer is. They have to feel comfortable to contribute to the conversation, so keep it simple.

Also, tell the teacher to constantly give choices. Like when pouring juice, go thru each and every kid and ask "Do you want a lot or a little?" If he doesnt answer, say, oh I wonder what you want, I guess I'll give you a little for now. when giving out colored paper "Do you want the green or the blue?" "Do you want the pencil or the eraser?" etc. Any little thing, don;t just give it to them, let them pick what they want. This gives them the incentive to talk w\o putting pressure on them.

Lots of wiggly games help, send in something he can show to the class and make him feel impt.
Don't make him the center of attention, while they love to be talked to, the don't like being in the spotlight.
KUP!

yaffsterg

Wed, Sep 24 2008, 8:25 pm

My 3 year old just started her first year at school and the teachers told me they are concerned becuse she doesn't respond to her name. I am going to get her hearing checked. I am not overly nervous about it. I think she just needs time.

I would give him time and if you are still worried talk to your ped.