Bad first day | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 7:19 am

My son hated the first day of ninth grade and refused to go back to school today. I’m panicking and not sure what to do. The school seems interested to trying to help but he won’t hear it and just refuses to try again.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 8:40 am

Success10 wrote:

Is there a backstory here? Did he really want to go somewhere else but it didn't work out? Does he have a diagnosis of some sort?

There's likely a backstory here. It's unusual for a 9th grader to just have the ability to refuse to go back to school without a history of somthing.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 3:37 pm

[quote="amother OP"]My son hated the first day of ninth grade and doesn’t want to go back to school today. I’m panicking and not sure what to do. The school seems interested to trying to help but he won’t hear it

amother

Emerald

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 4:01 pm

Did he end up going? Just speaking from the other side, my husband refused to go to high school. No one fought him so he stayed home and slept and watched all day. He's still suffering from it today. It's hard to keep a job and be a responsible husband and father. Make sure to find solutions and get him help, don't let him have life long problems from it. In my husband's case switching schools and a therapist would have gone a long way in helping him.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 4:29 pm

Sorry no major backstory… he was torn whether to go to school with his friends or go to a more serious place that the learning will be better for him. He chose the better yeshiva but when he went there he realized how difficult it was to start in a new yeshiva that’s so intense where he doesn’t know anybody. He’s begging to switch to the other yeshiva where his friends and brother are. It’s possible they still are happy to take him but I don’t want him to feel he can give up so fast.

amother

Nemesia

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 4:33 pm

Very very painful, but very very normal for 9th grade.
High school is a major major adjustment.
Some boys need time and help.
I am telling you now, do whatever it is in your power to have him go back
Beg Rebbeim to get involved, bribe him
Throw the world at him .
The longer you let him stay home, the worse it’s going to be .
I know a boy , who didn’t go back after first day & the consequences were awful.
He had no school that year, and had a very hard year.
Now , not every school is a fit . Could be adjustments will have to be made, but at this point you need to convince to continue where ever he is .
Hatzalacha !
It’s a painful situation. I know .
I have a son in 10th, who also wants another high school .
But you are the parent, and you have to decide what’s right .

amother

Clear ↓

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 4:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

It'll probably be easier to switch the sooner he does it... The longer you wait the more material he'll miss and have to catch up on.

amother

↑ Clear

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 4:37 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

There's another yeshiva he wants to go to...If they'll take him I think that's better than going crazy to make him stay in a place he hates.

kermit

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 4:58 pm

this is a vital learning experience for him, that will last him his whole life if you play it right. if I was the parent, I would likely express the following to him:

that he has to go to THIS yeshiva until he decides for sure if he wants to switch. and if he makes that decision, he still has to go to THIS yeshiva until arrangements are made with the new one.

End of story. the option to stay home is not on the table. the option to try and actively fix things while living with the current decision is the only option.

He made a decision and right now he feels the decision might have been the wrong one. ok.

but he has to live with his decision and learn to problem solve, not hide.

Knowing he has the option to switch, but should make that decision soon, is helpful.

in the meantime 'try again.' all first days are hard.

not the same, but my 8 year old had a hard first 2 days with his rebbe. I told him sometimes the rebbe is strict the first week. sometimes there's a bad first impression. keep trying, and if he's really miserable mommy will talk to the principal if it's possible to switch classes.

I felt it was important for my son to struggle and try to work through a situation he was unhappy with, but have the encouragement of the otptions.