How much can I ask of them? (Chores)

amother

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 7:29 pm

I have 3 teen kids and as of recently no paid household help.
DH works full time (and then some). I work full time.
Kids go to school all day and then have quite a bit of homework and studying.
What is fair to ask of them in terms of pitching in with upkeep of the house?
Is it reasonable for me to have them manage their own laundry? (Wash-dry-fold-put away)?
Is it reasonable for me to ask them to keep the floors clear in their bedrooms and bathrooms?
How about things like setting the table and clearing the table?
Taking out trash?
I don't want to overburden them but they are older teens and I am desperate for help. I can't manage this alone. DH helps me a lot on the weekend but cannot really do a thing Monday - Friday. Until now we always had a decent amount of cleaning help. I think we're all overwhelmed with this new reality. Money is tight. Hopefully just temporarily. And DH was insistent that the paid help stop for now.
So what's fair to ask for from my kids?

amother

Pansy

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 7:38 pm

Setting clearing table. Keeping rooms (their own and common use rooms clear. These are basics that should be happening even with paid help.

I would ask for pitching in with laundry- say on Sundays doing the bed linen and towels as a group effort but to make each responsible for their own feels intense unless they are over 16 in which case they are full fledged adults and it’s fine (you can say you’re always happy to help but they have to take responsibility and do the bulk of it…)

amother

Myrtle

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 8:12 pm

Of course! I'm sure they can spare 10-15 minutes once a week to help you out. And if they have time Friday after school, they can help clean before Shabbos.
My kids vacuum, clean toilets, do their own laundry (including linens, and make their own beds and put away their laundry), set the table, load the dishwasher, unload the dishwasher, and take out the trash. Sometimes they help with the cooking.
I don't expect them to take too much time out if their busy schedules, and each task doesn't take much time.
(Except maybe folding their laundry.)
Believe me, their future spouses will thank you.

simcha12plus

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 8:33 pm

any child over age 14 can be completely responsible for their own laundry.
that means they monitor when they need their clothes washed.
and I mean COMPLETELY.
My kids, from 7th grade, do all the washing, drying, folding, and putting away.
I do Shabbos clothing and some other special things. But I just don’t have enough time and koach to do for everyone or to keep everyone’s needs straight.

your teens can do a lot
as long as they feel they are helping you and they don’t have the responsibility of the household.

dena613

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 8:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

Even non teens can do a lot of this.

Although they can theoretically do their laundry all by themselves, I'd recommend you start by making them responsible to bring their laundry to machine and come back later in.the day to fold and put away,because it's overwhelming. You would just spot, load washer, load dryer, and hang what doesn't get put in dryer.

Totally reasonable to have them keep their floors clear in bedroom and bathroom.

You can make a rotation of setting and clearing table and taking out trash. (Different kids different days.)

notshanarishona

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 9:04 pm

Honestly it depends, I would ask more on a day when a kid finishes school at 11 then on a day when she finishes at 530 and has homework. I would think up to 1/2 hour (including doing her laundry) is reasonable for a mid teen during school/ homework. Also, keep in mind that have 5 different people doing laundry isn’t necessarily a help if you have 1 machine

amother

Lilac

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 9:17 pm

Keeping their own spaces tidy is definitely a reasonable expectation for teens, as well as more help over the weekend when they probably have more time.

As for laundry as others mentioned having everyone in charge of washing is not always necessarily helpful but folding and putting their own stuff away is definitely a good place to start.

amother

Buttercup

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 11:44 pm

Of course you can ask them to help! As a teen, I was definitely responsible for my own room. We had various jobs, but that was usually focused on getting ready for shabbos (washing dishes, vacuuming, clearing table of clutter, etc.). For chores that included heavier cleaning, we usually had a cleaning lady; however, we did go through a year or so when we didn’t have cleaning help and each child had a specific job to clean (one had all the linens, one had cleaning bathrooms, etc.). What I liked about how my parents divided the chores was we had a family meeting and my parents listed the jobs and we each took turns picking them. This way we had a say in which chores we did. We never really did our own laundry because it was easier for my mother to do everyone’s laundry together (all whites together, all delicates, all darks…). She didn’t want us doing smaller loads of our own personal stuff.
Definitely have your teens contribute to the housework! It will set them up for success later on in life as well!