Bas mitzvah without party?

amother

Oleander

Mon, Sep 02 2024, 2:23 pm

We invited just the grandparents. My girls were never from the popular ones, and SO many classmates broke the rules and had parties. I'm the type to get used as the "example" and so I didn't have a party for them because I would only do so if I could include everyone in the class. I also think its not a very good way to be mechanech my kids by telling them to flout rules just as I"m telling them now you are responsible for Jewish rules! But it ends up hurting kids regardless.

↑ Molly Weasley

Mon, Sep 02 2024, 3:38 pm

If anyone is interested in reading more about the halachic background of bas mitzvah parties, here are two articles

the bais havad - lakewood (mostly against)
https://baishavaad.org/party-b.....acha/

The Jewish Press (mixed)
https://www.jewishpress.com/ju.....3/16/

↑ ittsamother

Mon, Sep 02 2024, 3:53 pm

Molly Weasley wrote:

the bais havad - lakewood (mostly against)
https://baishavaad.org/party-b.....acha/

I'm not really hearing anything specifically about why a bas mitzvah would be against halacha in a way that a bar mitzvah would not. If you're worried about people mingling- they might mingle at a bar mitzvah as well, so if you can assure it won't happen at a bar mitzvah, you can do the same for the bas mitzvah. If you're worried the intentions are not to celebrate the acceptance of mitzvos but rather to copy non jewish celebrations maybe the bar mitzvah parents have the same intentions. If you follow R' Moshe that bas mitzvahs are hevel, well then follow his opinion on bar mitzvahs too and don't have them either.

But to all of the above, if you hold the celebration in a tznius way, and to genuinely give hoda'ah to Hashem for teaching this point and to make the girl feel special about taking on the mitzvos, I don't see how that goes against any of the reasoning in the article.