Bas mitzvah without party?

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 6:03 pm

I live in Lakewood and we can’t invite classmates. My neighbors only invite relatives so it would feel off to invite them. Dd doesn’t really have cousins her age. So I don’t really have who to invite for a party. What else can I do to make it special?

tichellady ↓

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 6:08 pm

I’m confused why you can’t invite her friends but I’m not from Lakewood. Can it just be a few of her good friends?

Molly Weasley ↓

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 6:14 pm

tichellady wrote:

I’m confused why you can’t invite her friends but I’m not from Lakewood. Can it just be a few of her good friends?

The bas mitzvah, as a party, is not really part of the Lakewood experience

amother

Zinnia ↓

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 6:22 pm

We invited neighbors ( in Lakewood ) even though they all had big family parties. We don’t have a lot of family so that’s what made sense for us. We had some food and an activity at home and it was very nice and fine even if though they did it differently.

amother

↑ Zinnia ↓

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 6:24 pm

tichellady wrote:

I’m confused why you can’t invite her friends but I’m not from Lakewood. Can it just be a few of her good friends?

The rule is no classmates.

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 6:28 pm

I’m going to have the same dilemma with my daughter. I was thinking of a nice family dinner at a fancy restaurant, but I really would love to make her a nice party, I just have no idea who to invite. The cousins her age are mostly boys.

↑ Molly Weasley ↓

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 6:30 pm

amother Lawngreen wrote:

The girls invited don't have to be her exact age. Also, girls from camp, Etc can fill the room

↑ tichellady

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 7:08 pm

amother Zinnia wrote:

The rule is no classmates.

That is sad.
Does she have friends who aren’t classmates?

amother

Carnation ↓

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 8:00 pm

We invited neighbors her age and cousins aunts and grandmothers. We were told we should do something to mark her bas Mitzva but it could be small like a shalosh seudos, Melava Malka or Sunday party

amother

↑ Carnation

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 8:01 pm

amother Seashell wrote:

Are boys allowed to invite classmates?

DrMom

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 8:05 pm

Seems weird to impose a rule about whom you can invite to your own simcha. Davka to exclude the girls she sees every day?

keym

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 8:11 pm

Our school rule was no classmates.

We made a beautiful challa baking event for all the neighbors close to her age. She took challa, they all made challa and then while it was baking, they had cake and ice cream.

Then, we did a nice family dinner at a restaurant for our immediate family.

amother

↑ Zinnia ↓

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 8:21 pm

It’s not sad. It works well. No peer pressure to measure up or have to compete with who did what entertainment that happens in other places. It’s very low key and nice.

↑ Molly Weasley ↓

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 9:46 pm

It's a good thing overall.

It's a lot less stress for the parents, and keeping up with the Cohens

amother

Clear

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 9:56 pm

We have the same rule. I made a beautiful shabbos Shalosh Seudos in our backyard. I invited ladies from the neighborhood and she had 5 local friends come.

amother

Brown

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 11:04 pm

we have the same rule. and also have no local cousins. we invited other relatives and friends (adults) and had a small event at a restaurant. it was fine and nice.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 11:18 pm

My girls were bound by the same rule. The problem was that not everyone stuck to the rule and a lot of girls did invite classmates and it was all a big secret. Since I'm the kind of person who cannot break rules without getting into trouble for it lol, I didn't try this. We took them out for dinner and bought them nice gifts and I would coordinate with their teachers to send food and do a nice mitzvah based activity in school with their friends but till today I do regret that they did not get a proper party. While I understand the reasoning behind these rules, it really is hard for those who have little or no family to invite.