Fixing broken systems? Vent and suggestions

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:06 pm

Background: mainstrean chassidish boro park family of young kids, boys n girls ages 0-14

If you are like me, then you have your kids home now for a week between school and camp
If you are like me, you are a hard-working middle class, who doesn't get food stamps, but has vouchers
If you are like me, you're just about covering basics, but are not struggling for a living
If you are like me, you stayed home this summer so you don't pay for day camp that vouchers cover, and you can't afford paying $10,000 for 5 weeks in a bungalow
If you are like me, you're pushing off buying a new wig for when there is 'tax return money'
Now, if you are like me, you're trying to wrap your brain around what is expected of you having all the kids home, living in a 1200 square foot one floor apartment, and entertaining kids of all ages.

And wait, school will elegantly send a note home saying that their Elite students should never be watching DVDs, even the most kosher ones...

So do I HAVE to spend money on going away for the week just to survive and keep my sanity?
Or am I forced to break a school rule, and set my kids down to watch DVDs daily?

Not to mention, I'm not sure when I'm supposed to go to work (BH for flexible job plus Labor Day weekend) but tuition still needs to be paid...

I keep asking myself what was different back in the day?
I keep asking myself am I the only one struggling with this?
I keep asking myself if the policy and schedule Setters in school are blind or don't know or don't really care about their students when they're not in school?

I am not complaining
Just explaining

#endrantendrant

amother

Lavender

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 5:17 pm

What's your issue? That your kids have a week off between camp and school? Or that the school discourages videos and you feel your kids need it?

A week is very little compared to most places. Where I live almost all the camps are only 5- 6 weeks, so the kids have 4 - 5 weeks off between camp and school! Its not easy or ideal at all! But I think kids do need some time without structure in between. A week or even two I think is important.

It does not sound like the school does not allow it, just holds the "elite" shouldn't. (What does that even mean?!) So for this week if you feel you need videos for everyones sanity -you are the mom, let them have it! You aren't even breaking any rules, just not following the recommendation that does not work for you.

I do think its important to do other activities too not just screen time. And it does not need to cost a fortune. Go to the park. Go out for ice cream. Perhaps one day a bigger trip if you can. Dollar tree. Slurpies. Biking. Etc. And perhaps buy some cheap crafts and activities on amazon.

The week will be over before you know it! Good luck!!

amother

Mulberry

Sun, Sep 01 2024, 9:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

If you haven't gotten the two memos yet, this is it:

Memo #1. Women are supposed to be superwomen who can juggle everything - work, kids, household - all the while being wonderful and relaxed wives for their husbands.

Memo #2. You are supposed to juggle all of life expenses, including tuition, shabbos YT, camps, simchas, wedding expenses, etc, all on low-to-mid middle class incomes. This is despite limiting the education for the parents all the while encouraging them to have large families.

Oh, there's another memo. Memo #3. If you can't do the above, you must be the problem, not the unsustainable system currently in play.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Sep 02 2024, 8:39 am

Thanks for the validation!

For the one who asked about chol hamoed:
Im not into what 'everyone does'... More about surviving my own skin.
so chol hamoed 'we do local trips' and were all good with that.

Re trips; weve done those, but I x drive and hub is working so it needs to be accessible by train or public transport (not discussing train safety..)

BH its the last day everyones home. Well make the most of it. But I really sincerly want to understand how its done...

amother

Rose

Mon, Sep 02 2024, 8:43 am

amother OP wrote:

Similar situation except I drive and we own a car. We don't have any screen time at all but we go on lots of trips, mostly cool culture stuff and parks so it's free or very cheap

amother

Lightcyan

Mon, Sep 02 2024, 9:56 am

I am not from your community but know it well because I live in proximity & have what to do with....

I know the week off requires more from parents. However, it's not a surprise every year. I understand temptation to use dvds. As a more modern background where everyone watches, I can tell you now that I have experience with grown children, I see the benefits of your way of life without watching. You have off this weekend from work, so you are able to make some special memories with your children & lots of opportunities for that are for free. It does require creativity and thinking in advance sometimes.

This isn't your day off. You probably wish it was is why you feel the need to rant. You might feel overworked and tired like you need one.

Salvage what there is and ask here for ideas if you don't have the strength to be creative right now.

I know parenting is tiring and you legitimately need to care for yourself sometimes so you can recharge your energy.