I miss my baby while at work

ora_43 ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 1:08 pm

Baby development isn't a simple question of daycare vs at home with mom.

There's so much variety within those categories that it's basically impossible to compare the two. Are we talking about a loving, mentally present, involved mother caring for her baby full-time in a stable middle-class home vs the baby being one of 10 infants cared for by a single overwhelmed, underpaid caregiver? Mom wins hands down. Are we talking about an overwhelmed, depressed mother going further and further into debt while home with baby vs the baby in a professional daycare with a 3:1 staff ratio and plenty of opportunities to play and explore? Daycare wins hands down.

You're a good mom. I'm guessing it's a good daycare. Meaning, long-term development in terms of motor skills is going to be the same either way. Socially - she's probably OK for now. She probably will miss you as she gets older, and you'll miss her, but she'll also have opportunities to socialize with other adults and other babies, and she'll have hours of your full attention at home. Again - assuming a good daycare, it all evens out.

↑ ora_43

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 1:12 pm

Sorry for the dry and technical answer, just, there were posts saying "research says this" and "research says that" so I felt the need to counter that.

Less technically speaking, it really is hard. But if you need the income there's zero reason to feel any guilt about it. You're providing her with a financially stable home. If she were old enough to understand that concept, she'd tell you to go ahead and go to work.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 1:16 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

If you have to work then there’s no choice. I don’t think anyone would say it’s specifically beneficial for a child to be at a babysitter at 4.5 months. The potential benefits kick in at a later age. A 4.5 month old is too young to benefit from the socialization.

I work from home and kept my baby home until age 1 and it was miserable because I couldn’t work or parent well - it was two full time jobs I was doing at once. I think I’ll send my baby out earlier next time I have one but I do feel guilty about it.

Look, it’s a lot better for the baby to be at a warm, caring babysitter than to be homeless.

It’s really normal to cry when dropping your child off for the first time, no matter what age it is. It’s really scary.

It’s young for socialization but I definitely sometimes see the difference socially between day care babies and non day care ones. It will also prob make the transition easier when starting school.

amother

↑ Steelblue

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 4:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you for this post.
It gives me chizuk to know that we are doing the best we can for everyone. And that I'm not the only one feeling so bad while going thru this...
What's this book? Is it a jewish book? Can you send me a link?

https://www.amazon.com/Being-T.....09294

It’s not a Jewish book, it’s all based off research done about attachment in early childhood. Tho goal isn’t to make you feel guilty for leaving your child, but how to best make sure they have a secure attachment to you whether or not you’re working

amother

↑ Pear

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 9:12 pm

What’s the ratio of babies to the caregiver by the babysitter?
Op, it’s really hard but if you want to be home with your baby and you aren’t coming out with much money it might be worth staying home with her until she gets older.
Babies home with their mothers who are loving develop better and have strong emotional and mental health. They also learn socialization from an adult at that age so they also do better socially.
There is a lot to be gained to be home with a baby in the formative years. If it’s possible it can be truly priceless.
Good luck and if you sent her out to a sitter pop in and see what’s going and what type of care she is receiving.

amother

Magenta ↓

Fri, Aug 30 2024, 5:42 am

amother OP wrote:

Is it really better for the baby at the babysitter? Isn't the best one to take care of her is her mother?
Did anyone leave their baby at home till they were older and thought it was better?

I think babies belong with their mothers.

But, it's not always possible or so many reasons. Some women work whilst others can't handle having their kids with them all day. Still, I think it's okay to acknowledge that it probably ideal for babies to be in their mother's presence all day. It's the base for all of their life. Their emotional and mental wellbeing.

There are some great morahs out there who can make babies feel safe and loved in their daycare too. If you need to leave you're baby behind, try look for the best place for her and she'll be fine. No need for guilt if this is what you need to to.

amother

↑ Magenta

Fri, Aug 30 2024, 5:45 am

amother Goldenrod wrote:

It’s young for socialization but I definitely sometimes see the difference socially between day care babies and non day care ones. It will also prob make the transition easier when starting school.

Babies don't need social interactions away from their mother. The best success in life is to have a strong and healthy bond to mother as a young baby and child. It's the primary indicator of what a child will be like later in life.

Babies of working mothers can have a great attachment too! But I don't think social interactions at that age is necessarily beneficial at all.