Dd came back from camp and is miserable to be home

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 9:24 pm

Dd 12 had an amazing fantastic out of this world first time at sleepaway camp.
Every time I spoke to her she was beyond over the moon. So happy.

Now she's back home. And there are stresses at home.
And she's back to teasing and arguing with siblings.
And I'm back to snapping at her and criticizing her.
I said that it was more peaceful when she wasn't home.

And came to me crying tonight that she wishes she never came home and was back in camp where she was appreciated for who she is and that our family is dysfunctional (it sort of is. I had a bad day)

I was so fed up because this was after an hour of me asking her to go to bed.

I told her I'm not discussing it with her and sent her up to bed crying. Mean mommy.

OTOH I want to go and reassure that I love her etc
But if I go up she will keep me there for an hour long shmooze, I know from previous experience, and I don't have emotional energy for it. I'm dealing with a lot on my plate right now.

CPenzias ↓

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 9:30 pm

You told her it was better when she wasn't home? I don't think it's an option to go upstairs to reassure her or not! Go up! Give her a hug. Tell her you're very tired and can't talk for long and you're sorry and happy that she's home. You missed her and you love her

amother

Orange

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 9:30 pm

Poor child! At least slip a note under her door. Don't let her fall asleep so hurt. You'll speak and reconcile in the morning, when you're in a better frame of mind. But please let her know now that you love her and how happy you are to have her back!

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 9:46 pm

Thanks.
bH it was a one-way convo because she had said hamapil.
So I stroked her back and spoke to her.

It really is harder when she's home. She and a sibling close in age really fight all day. Constantly.
She gets involved in other siblings fights and takes sides and tattles etc.

She's not a bad kid. She's a great student, neighbor, friend.
It's at home that her bad middos come out, and they come out with a vengeance

amother

Freesia

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 10:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

To me, her behavior is a cry for attention and positive recognition. It's not her fault that she has a sibling so close in age. It seems like you expect her to behave older than she is, and don't give her enough positive attention. She may feel unnoticed. She may feel like your like her siblings more than you like her.
She might also crave a calm home environment and gets triggered by fighting & chaos. It's not bad middos. It's a cry for attention.

imaima

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 10:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

So why is it not better when the other sibling is away? Why is it always her who is better to be away?
There is always emotional letdown after a camp because home life with a busy and grumpy mom and fighting siblings will never measure up. Have you thought that maybe she hates that people are always fighting around her?