My short attention span is affecting our quality time

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 12:03 am

I have a very short attention span. AKA very little patience. I know it's my avoda to work on myself and I do. But I'm also human and there's a limit to how much I can expect of myself. My kids love to tell me all about their day in great detail and after about 10 seconds I've had enough. I am simply not interested and can't do a great job faking it as much as I try. Believe me, I REALLY DO TRY. It always starts with me feigning interest until I can't handle it anymore.
I generally don't enjoy spending time with my kids because it's always a test of patience for me. I do feel tremendous guilt however, because they are only young once and I'm their only mother. I want to give them so much more than I am capable of. Anyone relate? Is there a way to learn to be more patient when it's really the opposite of your personality? Any ideas, suggestions, chizzuk? Please be kind in your responses since I already feel guilty enough. I need practical suggestions, not more guilt.

soproud

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 7:56 am

It’s great that you are aware and want to deal with it.
Leave your phone. Sit down or kneel to be closer to your child’s height. Relax your body. Unfold your arms. Look your child in the eye. Let them be the entire world for a minute.
Don’t fill in their words or complete their sentences for them.
When they finish their 743rd story for the day, give them a hug and thank them for sharing with you.

amother

Seashell

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 8:14 am

Try doing activities with them like puzzles, diamond art, and coloring, or going for a walk. (You can each do your kwn puzzle or you can share)

These are activities that you can enjoy together while talking

Also please stop beating yourself up. You sound like a great mother. This struggle is normal

ora_43

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 10:09 am

What kind of terrible mother isn't genuinely interested in a 10-minute-long, second-by-second retelling of That Time that Malki Took the Ball, Even Though It Wasn't Her Turn, It Was Mine?

jk

It's natural. My humble advice: find something you can be doing while they talk. Dishes, laundry, cooking, anything that keeps your hands busy. Letting their talking be a gentle background hum instead of your entire focus can sometimes make it easier to follow along.

(But everyone's different when it comes to attention, maybe deliberately focusing on them will be more helpful for you.)

It's also OK to gently guide them toward proper storytelling and/or cut off the story at some point. Like, if they're just getting into more and more detail about who took the ball from who and who said what, interrupting to say, "Wow, that sounds so frustrating! I can see why you were mad. What happened in the end?"

And remember:
- listening to their stories is only one small part of what you do as a parent. You might be bad at this one thing - although honestly, they probably don't even notice your mind wandering - but as long as you're showing love in the ways you are good at (making their favorite foods, or cuddling with them, or reading them stories, or helping them with craft projects - whatever it is you do to show love), it'll all work out.

- 'they're only young once' is also a reason for hope. Every day they get older, more interesting, and better at telling stories.

amother

Offwhite ↓

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 2:00 pm

Maybe you should question why your attention span is so short?

For me it's ADHD pretty moderate.

Are you distracted by your phone or other devices?
Do you carry emotional baggage not letting you be present?
Do you eat and sleep well?
Are you under pressure to continue doing housework or other necessary things?

I think it's a good idea to try to figure out the source of your unrest in order to help yourself. Thinking in this direction because I was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD and medication and therapy changed my life. I'm a very present mom now BH.

amother

↑ Offwhite

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 2:00 pm

For me it's ADHD pretty moderate.

Are you distracted by your phone or other devices?
Do you carry emotional baggage not letting you be present?
Do you eat and sleep well?
Are you under pressure to continue doing housework or other necessary things?

I think it's a good idea to try to figure out the source of your unrest in order to help yourself. Thinking in this direction because I was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD and medication and therapy changed my life. I'm a very present mom now BH.[/quote]