Can I Request No shoes?

watergirl ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:41 am

my mama wrote:

I don't have a baby and still request that people take their shoes off before coming into the house. We have some house slippers for people that are uncomfortable being totally barefoot so that might be an option for you too

Please tell people before they accept an invitation to your house. Think about people like me - I'm not wearing the slippers you offer, and I'm not going to be barefoot. If I am not wearing specific slippers or my shoes, my feet start to hurt immediately.

Give a guest a choice to remove their shoes, do not force an adult. You have no idea how uncomfortable it is for a guest (physically or other) to have to remove their shoes.

The worst to me is when hosts have their house shoes (real shoes they only wear inside their own home) and have me as a guest sitting there in my socks or their slippers. It's a horrible feeling for me, and I have a pretty thick skin. I'm sure others are in the same boat as me.

I, as a dog owner, fully know that people will decline an invitation to my house because of my dogs and that's ok with me. Just the same, I will decline an invitation to someone's house if I have to take off my shoes and cant bring my slippers.

↑ watergirl ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:42 am

theoneandonly wrote:

These threads pop up every so often and people with shoe-free homes cannot fathom how uncomfortable and annoying it is for guests to walk around in just their stocking feet in someone else's house. I don't even walk around barefoot or just with tights in my own house.

If it's the culture in your community and everyone does it, then fine. But if you are the exception, then please don't do this to your guests.

Yup, it pops up every few months and a heated debate ensues.

miami85

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:45 am

In my house we have 2 entrances that we use not quite equally, but it makes it difficult to have 1 designated spot for shoes without walking through the house. I ask my kids to try not to walk on the carpeted areas with shoes on, but it happens, I'm guilty of it myself. I tend to wear floafers as slippers and they end up just going everywhere with me inside and out. I've had several babies in this house and I can't say that shoes vs no shoes has had any impact on overall health for anybody.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:47 am

I am so happy this rule is facing out in my community. Don't think it a sign of extra cleanliness. When my baby is on the floor I put on crawling overalls or pants on top of his clothes. I wash his hand and face when he's done crawling. Bath before bedtime. When guest come he has to be extra watched nothing to do with cleanliness. Gota watch out no one steps on his tiny fingers or trip over him.

amother

Daisy

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:50 am

lamplighter wrote:

This is probably because of the snow and people wearing snow boots outside.
If it is part of your culture than you don't need to say anything it's a given, if it's not part of the culture, I can promise you, you are making people uncomfortable.

where are you guys coming from? You guys are the ones making me uncomfortable lol.
I live in Israel and ask workers coming in to put on covers on their shoes before coming in. I don’t care if I make them uncomfortable. My house, my rules. I’m not going to wash the floor an extra time just cause someone has discomfort with either taking off their shoes or putting covers on them/changing into slippers (you are welcome to even bring some clean ballet flats from your home!)
ETA I think it’s important to note there are studies available that show walking in shoes in the home brings in toxic waste, chemicals and traces of feces etc., bacterial considerations aside.

↑ watergirl

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:54 am

amother Daisy wrote:

A worker is not the same thing as a guest. As a host, it's your job to make the guest comfortable and if you can't do that, rethink hosting. Make a request but allow a guest to decline.

Ruchel

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:01 am

Europe. Never asked to remove my shoes. Please warn before. And no I'm not wearing your slippers. Nor paper slippers. Basically if you push like crazy I'll give in because it's your house but is it worth making me sooo uncomfortable? You also don't know who has back trouble. I generally wear shoes I can just discard but some have heavy shoes. I've had babies at home and never did that. Now if you come with mud or worse on your shoes, be with it and remove them without asking...

Last edited by Ruchel on Tue, Aug 27 2024, 1:25 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:05 am

In my own home I love being shoe free, often barefoot. But I do not want to walk in anyone else's house without my shoes on.
Think of it the other way round - I don't know how clean your floors are, and I don't feel comfortable taking my footwear off.
I don't want your slippers, and I'd rather meet you elsewhere please if coming to your abode means being shoe free. No thanks.

imaima

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:10 am

amother OP wrote:

Bh we are privileged to host guests often for Shabbos or just quick visits. The guests are mostly family. I have an infant who enjoys being on the floor a lot. He is not crawling age yet but he rolls over and scoots off his floor mat and blanket. Pretty soon he will start crawling iyh. The thought of him crawling on the floor that everyone's shoes from outside walked on is TMI

Is it very unreasonable to ask guest to remove their shoes in this situation? I would obviously not demand, just ask. Or if not, do I just keep baby off the floor until I can wash it?

I anticipate a 10 page thread

amother

Mustard ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:11 am

amother OP wrote:

Is it very unreasonable to ask guest to remove their shoes in this situation? I would obviously not demand, just ask. Or if not, do I just keep baby off the floor until I can wash it?

I come from a no-shoe culture.
People from my culture take off shoes anyway.
People not from my culture can decide what they do. I just don’t put my baby to roll around in the traffic areas.

amother

Maple

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:14 am

my mama wrote:

Same.
Everyone already knows that when you come into my house you take off your shoes.

amother

Hunter

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 11:22 am

My personal preference is to take shoes off for comfort including in other people's homes. I don't enforce it for visitors and if asked, say that they can if they wish but no worries if not. We have all our shoes by the door so it is obvious we do this as a family.
Dirty boots /shoes are left outside and do not enter the home.

I have friends/family across the spectrum of insisting everyone removes shoes to thinking it is weird and untznuis to do so. All within same or similar city.

The Japanese all do, v strong culture for them. Avraham Avinu did because the people worshipped the ground or dust and he didn't want avoda zara in his home.
Like all things, it just needs sensitivity eg to people's physical needs, I have a close relative who can't take their shoes off as it is painful, obviously we would never enforce pain on her or anyone but equally I find it uncomfortable to have shoes on for a long time so take them off always.

amother

Amber

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 2:14 pm

amother Brown wrote:

I have lots of family in different areas of Canada (Toronto, Montreal, Edmonton) and they all have show free homes. It's the norm to take your shoes off when entering someone's home, most people carry little socks in their pocket all the time

I live in Montreal.

We only take off our boots in the winter, so not to track snow all over the house.

During other seasons no one takes of their shoes. Unless it rains and it's muddy.

amother

↑ Mustard

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 2:14 pm

sequoia wrote:

It’s totally cultural. As is fighting over “the good slippers” when you come over. Someone has to wear the dinky little paper ones Smile

Americans just don’t know, the struggle is real.

Lol
Whenever I am given the variety, I am looking for the crock type. Very Happy

amother

Tuberose

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 2:34 pm

As a married adult in my upper 40’s, I dressed carefully when going to visit a distant relative. I felt very uncomfortable when asked to remove my shoes. I would never walk around barefoot in my own home especially if someone else would be there. It was a little humiliating for me. I was very resentful afterwards. A respectable person does not walk around barefoot.
You will never be able to protect your child from the germs in this world. You can vacuum after the guests leave.
Don’t make people feel uncomfortable because of your baby.
I’m sure you were exposed to many germs when you were young and you turned out fine.
No, don’t impose this on others.

ChossidMom ↓

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 4:46 am

Every now and then these threads pop up and I am shocked. I have been around for alot of years. Lived in NY and Israel and visited many countries. Thank God, I have never been asked or told to remove my shoes. Something is very off in this generation. Babies have been crawling around on shoe filled floors for generations. And before that, on dirt floors. Keep choking items away from them. Forget the germs or you'll turn them into people with no immune system (don't worry - the gazillion vaccines lower the immune system if it's so important to you). Frankly, this no shoes thing that is so obvious to many as "normal" - sounds anything but. Sorry to be so in your face. I can't imagine anything more insulting than to be asked to remove an article of clothing or shoes in your home. Thanks for not inviting me 'cause I won't be visiting any time soon. (Maybe this is a new thing we have to look into when checking out shidduchim. Sheesh). Just curious - people mentioned that this is "cultural". Which culture, exactly advocates for this?

amother

Holly

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 4:54 am

Very cultural.

I’m a convert and for me, removing shoes before going into a home is a must. No one complains, everyone just does it because it is engrained in our culture. When I visit my parents, I remove my shoes.

It’s been a serious adjustment for me because this is generally not done in the frum community and people get offended when asked. So I rarely have people over because this is something I’m not willing to let go of and I don’t want to offend or make anyone uncomfortable.

salt

Wed, Aug 28 2024, 5:03 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Can I ask what community you live in or where you live that it is cultural to remove your shoes? Ive really only even heard of this on line, never in real life. And Ive been in different continents and never seen this as anything really done.

I think it's done in Russia.