Laundry Service for Married Daughter & Her Large Family

Zisseleh ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:05 pm

Hi, everyone. I live near my grown daughter and her large family.
I am a proud Savta and love my family. I have watched as my daughter deals with the stress of taking care of a large family. I babysit and I help out as much as I can, baby care, meals, laundry, you name it. In June, to try and ease up some of the stress, I decided to hire laundry help for her, but it has turned out to be too expensive. I never gave an end date for the service, but today I decided that I could only continue to contribute this way for a few more weeks, but not indefinitely. I feel badly, but I know I did the right thing. All supportive comments welcome! Smile

Last edited by Zisseleh on Mon, Aug 26 2024, 10:51 pm; edited 3 times in total

Cheiny ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:09 pm

Zisseleh wrote:

You should not be feeling guilty. That’s a lot of money to pay monthly for laundry service. The reality is that your dd and her dh need to come up with a responsible plan for themselves without relying on Mommy for this level of help you’re providing, including laundry, baby care and meals! That’s a lot of work!

What are their finances like? What does her “high maintenance” dh do?

NechaMom ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:09 pm

How beautiful and generous of you that you provided her with such a luxurious service that most moms don't get.
Please don't feel guilty. You gave her as much as you could and more. Now she will have to figure it out of on her own.

↑ Zisseleh ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:12 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Hubby has many income streams and they are doing pretty well, B"H.

Last edited by Zisseleh on Mon, Aug 26 2024, 9:47 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Phlox ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:12 pm

You're super generous! I'm sure disappointed, but nowhere in your post do you say she's upset, if it was my Mom I'd be appreciative that she paid for this, but would never expect her continue if she can't afford it!

amother

Seafoam ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:17 pm

Zisseleh wrote:

Hubby has many income streams and they are doing pretty well, B"H.

So they can hire their own help if they would like. Why are you taking on this responsibility?

↑ Zisseleh ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:18 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

Last edited by Zisseleh on Mon, Aug 26 2024, 9:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ Zisseleh ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:22 pm

amother Seafoam wrote:

So they can hire their own help if they would like. Why are you taking on this responsibility?

I know it's not my responsibility. Wanted to do something helpful, but am quickly realizing this may indicate codependency and/or people-pleasing on my part. Banging head

Last edited by Zisseleh on Mon, Aug 26 2024, 10:53 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ Cheiny ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:31 pm

Zisseleh wrote:

Hubby has many income streams and they are doing pretty well, B"H.

Then I’m absolutely baffled at why you’re doing what you’re doing! They can afford help so there’s zero reason for you to feel guilty or stretch yourself beyond your ability, both financially and physically! It’s your time now to take care of yourself! You’ve earned it.

And why is your dd disappointed that you’re not going to continue paying for the laundry service? Why isn’t she picking up the tab if they’re financially comfortable??

Last edited by Cheiny on Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:35 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ Zisseleh ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:32 pm

I just want to say thank you for the lovely and kind replies. They make all the difference in my anxiety level. Such good therapists, all of you!! Hugs and love!! Heart

↑ NechaMom

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:33 pm

Zisseleh wrote:

I know it's not my responsibility. Wanted to do something helpful, but am quickly realizing this may indicate codependency and/or people-pleasing on my part. Banging head

You hit it on the nail. Hard! Banging head

↑ Cheiny ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:34 pm

Zisseleh wrote:

I know it's not my responsibility. Wanted to do something helpful, but am quickly realizing this may indicate codependency and/or people-pleasing on my part. Banging head

Yes, it’s not healthy for your dd either… she a grown adult with a family. She needs to figure things out for herself and learn to manage without you stepping in to help at such a deep level.

↑ Zisseleh ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:36 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Then I’m absolutely baffled at why you’re doing what you’re doing! They can afford help so there’s zero reason for you to feel guilty or stretch yourself beyond your ability, both financially and physically! It’s your time now to take care of yourself! You’ve earned it.

And why is your dad upset that you’re not going to continue paying for the laundry service? Why isn’t she picking up the tab if they’re financially comfortable??

Last edited by Zisseleh on Mon, Aug 26 2024, 10:55 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ Zisseleh ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:38 pm

NechaMom wrote:

She can use Amelia Bedelia in three months...

Again, thanks you guys for all your support. I'm seriously going to print out all your responses and keep them with me and refer to them when anxiety strikes! Sending love and hugs to all Heart

Last edited by Zisseleh on Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Magnolia ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:40 pm

It must be very hard for you to see her struggle. And you sound like you dd has a very special mom. But I do think you need to take a step back. you can try to help her find solutions.
What about she would invest in a larger commercial size washer. Or 2 regular size side by side so that her laundry gets done faster.
I've also heard of people hiring cleaning lady specifically just for laundry, that should cost her less then a laundry service company.

↑ Cheiny

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:40 pm

Zisseleh wrote:

I understand, but that’s for them to work on and work out together…. You can’t keep stepping in to help her deal with everything, including handling her dh.

And yes, it is your time now, and you more than earned it. You have already offered them a lot of help and you’ve been more than generous.

↑ Zisseleh ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:45 pm

amother Magnolia wrote:

All good suggestions. I may have mis-spoke -- it's a lady who comes in twice weekly SPECIFICALLY to do laundry and nothing else. DD already has one cleaning lady who ALSO does some laundry. The person who manages the "laundry ladies" asks for $20 per hour for about 6-8 hours a week for the one lady to come in.