Need chizzuk | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 4:45 pm

I have a few teen boys who are struggling with our way, dressing differently than we raised them, haircuts, hard time with davening/minyan, not learning at all during school vacations (and during school, uninterested in their kodesh classes), basically uninspired by yiddishkeit. We are trying to encourage on one hand and turn a blind eye to many things on the other.

But I am taking this very hard. I have been a sahm since they were little and raising our kids has really been all that I've done for the past 10+ years, and I just feel like everything I've done to raise them as yirei shamayim didnt work. And I feel guilty that had I done things differently, they would have ended up differently.

I really just need chizzuk from others who get me.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:00 pm

teachkids wrote:

There was a great family first article about this this week

To clarify, my teens are not struggling in that they are OTD. No one can see from the outside that they are having a hard time. I see it, because I know what they can be, and what they have been. Atm, one goes to shul most days, but spends most of the time watching things on the computer. Another stopped going to shul during the week during vacation, saying that he's too tired. They refuse to read Jewish books, only secular. And I know and see and hear from what they say, that they are just uninspired and uninterested in yiddishkeit. BH they are doing well in school despite this. Have productive hobbies. Are doing okay in their lives. But I know that they are uninterested in yiddishkeit and I'm finding it very painful personally, like everything I've done with my life was wasted.

amother

Stone

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:02 pm

We do our hishtadlus but the outcome isn't up to us, at all , in any area. That's part of bitachon. You are a terrific mother and your boys are choosing what they are choosing now. We don't dictate life or have control. Only over ourselves and our own experience and attitude. Hugs<3

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

Still worth a read because it's about focusing on the good and how it helped her.
https://mishpacha.com/no-pity-please/

Chayalle

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:49 pm

It's a hard generation to raise kids in. I'm the mother of a teen and it's easier for girls. No one expects them to learn during vacation. We are happy if they are basic BY tznius, if they get up and daven (which BH she does). Life is one big party of social life, and it's considered normal.
The teen years are very transitional. They aren't mature enough to really be inspired for the most part. And there's so much out there combatting inspiration.
You sound like a great mother. Keep a close relationship, and daven. It's the best you can do.

amother

Cappuccino

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 6:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm also a SAHM of a few teen boys. Each one is different from the other. Each one is a different personality. It's super complicated. I detached myself from their actions because as much as I love them I don't approve of what they do. What they do is not a reflection on me. I taught them right from wrong and the rest is up to them.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 1:57 am

If it helps, you can remember that very great people have had children that came out very differently than they would have hoped.

It’s a challenge that goes back at least 4000 years.

What you put into them wasn’t wasted. No matter what happens. It still counts.

But also, maybe it’s dormant. Like this is winter for your children and later in life your efforts will produce fruit.

Hugs. It’s a very hard challenge and I’m not minimizing it.